All the FMLs

OP here. I never thought for a million years that this would get posted, but it did which is equally awesome and creepy at the same time. I just wanted to clarify a few things. Firstly, thank you for the puns. I love puns and these are the breast I've seen in a while. I'll show myself out. Secondly: I have no idea why it says Leeds. I have never been to Leeds in my life. I'm in Edinburgh, over 200 miles away in a whole other country. The guy in question turned out to be my neighbour -cringe - on his way back from the pub very drunk and most probably high. I haven't seen him since and most probably won't for a while if I can help it. The reason I was naked was because I'd come in from work the night before, showered and passed out in bed from exhaustion. I hadn't noticed I was naked was because it was FIVE THIRTY IN THE MORNING. I had obviously been in a deep sleep because that's what normal people do at 5.30am. Literally the only thing going through my head was that I wanted the idiot to shut the hell up and let me sleep. And no, it probably wasn't exactly 3 minutes but it was long enough for me to go to the toilet, back to my bedroom then try to remove my robe before I realised I wasn't wearing it. Also, he probably laughed so much because he was drunk, high and a crazy naked woman was hanging out her second floor window at 5.30 in the morning. Finally. yes, breasts. Because that's what they are.

Guys, I work at Cartoon Network as a storyboard artist where we joke a lot. Luckily, my boss was joking. Phew.

Why the **** wouldn't I? Next time you go anywhere, don't bring anything with you. Going to a restaurant? Don't bring your wallet or it might get stolen!

To clarify, I have been suffering from anxiety ever since I was a child. I used to not speak to people at all. I got this job as an attempt to break free of my anxiety. For the first nine months or so, it worked. I was much happier and could actually initiate conversations with people I didn't even know. Last year my grandfather was diagnosed with terminal cancer, and in December my mother nearly died. Since then my anxiety has been spiralling out of control. I realize that I should talk to someone and start on medication again, but I can't afford it, as I only make slightly more than minimum wage. I'm sure my family would help me, but I don't wish to bother them.

Hey all, OP here To everyone wondering: yes, it was disgusting. After freaking out for a little, I just tried my best not to puke and washed the cockroach guts off my back. I smashed the half-dead cockroach with a shampoo bottle just to put the poor thing out of its misery and threw out the loofah. Speaking of the loofah, it was one of those really hard thick sponges, which is probably why the cockroach's shell got crushed by it (I also thought cockroaches' shells were too tough to be crushed like that, but maybe the steam from the shower softened it?) Anyway, though it was really really gross, the one good thing that came out of this is that my FML actually got posted, which is pretty cool. Thanks guys :)

Hey everyone, I'm the OP, not sure if this will work as a follow-up since I wasn't logged in when I posted this, but I'm going to try and explain further anyway. First off, I want to say that this is wouldn't have happened IF my debit card worked, since my mum could just complete a bank transfer. For the people saying that this is a bluff - we are a very healthy family and only eat organic food, which gets spoiled quickly (I am also on a strict diet because of health issues and can only eat certain foods). I borrowed some money from classmates as school is still going, so I should survive the week. #4 My neighbors didn't though