All the FMLs

Hey. I'm the OP. I just signed up for an account - probably should have done that before I posted the FML. Anyhoo, my boss and I get on well and we make a habit of insulting each other. I work in a convenience store and my boss had over-ordered the chilled products, so he was trying to rearrange the fridge in the stock room to make everything fit. As I walked past, I noticed that there was a rather big box of cakes (which obviously don't need to go in the fridge) so asked him if he put them there. Which is when I started hurling insults at him! Of course, it became apparent a few minutes later that I'd also put a box of tortilla wraps in there! I don't know why I called him the "R" word. I haven't used it in years. I dropped any words that I found offensive from my vocabulary when I had my daughter. It's just being in a different environment, where the banter with the other staff is a bit more offensive than in the rest of my life. Good fun though! And of course I said it to his face, I would never, and have never said anything behind his back that I haven't already said to his face at least half a dozen times! And, I obviously deserved it!

Knock knock! Who's there? You're a dumbass. I'm OP and he already knew English pretty well, he just doesn't excel in it. Let's also just keep in mind I live in Texas and we were only having a casual conversation. The purpose wasn't to help him understand the English language, it was just to have a normal conversation. I don't think continuing conversations in his first language will make him automatically forget his second.

Hey, I'm the OP! In all fairness, she and her friends were wasted, and I was the designated driver. She didn't remember any of this the next day, and actually found it quite funny. She's not dumb. Sorry to dissapoint you. And to the people that pointed out my typo - yes I'm MARRYING a her. English isn't my first language and I was exhausted when I wrote this. :)

Hey everyone, OP here. Thanks for the hilarious comments. Thought I'd provide a follow up, and clarify a few things quickly. I work as part of the commercial team for a small company based in London. Due to the size of the company, occasionally, I have to do jobs that you wouldn't find the equivalent of my position in a larger company doing. This was one of them. Basically, I was told that we would have new chairs arriving for the meeting room, and that I should let the delivery / removal men into the building, show them the room, and sign the papers. Since I was really busy with my usual work, I let them in and left them to it. I didn't notice they had left until I went to check on them 15 minutes later! I Got quite a shock when I found the meeting room empty with no workmen in sight! In terms of the meeting, when the clients arrived yesterday morning, we made the decision to take them out for breakfast (no shortage of places that offer this in central London, and hey, they weren't complaining!), and I'm pleased to say it went well. I even managed to finally get hold of the delivery company afterwards who brought the new chairs around (different guys though). Apparently, it was a "logistics issue". Anyway, I'm still employed, and me and my colleagues (including my boss) got a good laugh out of it (and a delicious breakfast!) Cheers all. good laugh out of it (as well as a delicious breakfast).