All the FMLs

By jesspacheco27 - 12/12/2014 05:52 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I sat on the bus for 3 hours stuck in traffic trying to ignore the old lady sitting next to me discreetly masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 237

You deserved it 3 052

jesspacheco27 tells us more.

jesspacheco27 12

Friday 12 December 2014 22:02

Yes longest 3 hours of my life. Worst part is she'd remove her hand and smell it.

By Anonymous - 12/12/2014 02:04 - United States - Yorktown

Today, I was home alone when I heard the carbon-monoxide detector beeping. Panicking, I grabbed my dog, ran out of my house as fast as I could, and waited outside for 3 hours for my mom to get home. Turned out the detector was just out of batteries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 452

You deserved it 7 680

By anon - 12/12/2014 01:43 - United States - Commack

Today, at my daughter's ballet recital, after she was done dancing, grown adults booed. She's five. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 417

You deserved it 2 816

By anonymous - 12/12/2014 01:17 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I noticed that I'm way more productive when I'm drinking than when I'm not. I think I just figured out why I'm related to so many alcoholics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 101

You deserved it 3 462

By IHateSchool-.- - 11/12/2014 23:13 - United States

Today, I asked my teacher how old he was, and jokingly I said, "50?" Then he chuckled, so I laughed and said, "I was kidding… 42, 43, 44?" He then looked at me and said, "Are you trying to guess my age, or your grade percent in this class?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 287

You deserved it 30 205

By Anonymous - 11/12/2014 21:47 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got to experience the horror of my wife's pregnancy. She woke me up abruptly at 5 am by throwing up all over me due to her terrible morning sickness, then ate pickles covered in mayonnaise, and later dropped to the floor sobbing when I told her we were out of dog food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 337

You deserved it 5 289

By not laughing anymore - 11/12/2014 19:55 - Netherlands - Egelshoek

Today, since my finals are starting tomorrow, I made a joke about setting my math books on fire. I laughed. Friends laughed. Parents laughed. Guess what subject just managed to actually get in touch with my scented candles? FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 778

You deserved it 6 462

By KCHS - 11/12/2014 18:20 - United States

Today, the power went out at school. As a senior, I don't show up until third period. When I got there, I signed in as usual. The office secretary waited until I signed in to tell me that if I hadn't, I wouldn't have to attend classes that day. Now I have to sit in class doing nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 070

You deserved it 3 584

By MedStudent90 - 11/12/2014 18:10 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, my son got in trouble at school. The kids had to solve a problem by determining whether it was better for "Edna" to repair or replace her AC unit. He said Edna is an "old person's name" and she was "probably going to die soon anyway", so she shouldn't do either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 080

You deserved it 3 942

By anyoldnamewilldo - 11/12/2014 16:10 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I wore what I thought was a hideous sweater from the thrift store for an ugly sweater contest. I've gotten more compliments on it than anything else I've ever worn. I can't even succeed at failure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 554

You deserved it 3 914

By ohray - 11/12/2014 16:09 - Turkey - Kibris

Today, I popped into the shower hoping to come out all warm and clean. Something was very wrong with the pipes, and I came out smelling like sewage instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 507

You deserved it 3 116

By Soverytired - 11/12/2014 13:29 - Australia

Today, I received a gift certificate from my grandmother for a local bookshop. Considering how broke I am, this would be a fantastic gift. If the bookshop in question wasn't a right-wing evangelical Christian Bookshop, and I wasn't Jewish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 124

You deserved it 3 693

By unlucky - 11/12/2014 13:26 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, I thought it'd be fun to kick open one of those unisex bathrooms in my workplace. I'm not sure who was more surprised, me or my boss who was in there taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 320

You deserved it 39 727

By No thanks - 11/12/2014 12:08 - United States

Today, I was sitting on a fence watching a friend play soccer. He accidentally kicked the ball at my face and made me fall off the fence into mud. I laughed it off and got back on the fence. Two seconds later he did the same exact thing. I fell wrong and slammed my face into the fence. Pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 070

You deserved it 6 018

The proposal

By Brasilian29 - 11/12/2014 12:01 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of two years after eating in a 5-star restaurant. She said that she wasn't ready, and that she would walk home by herself, which she did. A homeless gentleman walked up from behind me, patted me on the back, and said, "Bitches, man." I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 783

You deserved it 3 384

By noshow - 11/12/2014 05:44 - United States - Richardson

Today, it's the last night before a concert. Today is also the day my brother pawned my clarinet for drug money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 056

You deserved it 2 569

By WhereforeArtThouJustice - 10/12/2014 21:49 - Portugal

Today, one of my classmates asked the teacher to postpone her presentation because she had to study and the teacher happily agreed. When I approached her, the teacher started yelling at me because postponing deadlines is irresponsible. I just wanted to make sure we didn't need to bring our book. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 979

You deserved it 2 294

RIP little guy

By Anonymous - 10/12/2014 19:58 - United States - Murfreesboro

Today, my pet bunny died. My little sister is distraught and practically suicidal, because apparently she playfully pointed a wand at it a few days ago and said, "Avada kedavra!" She's absolutely convinced that she killed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 739

You deserved it 3 123

By fullalove - 10/12/2014 18:34 - United States

Today, my husband sent me a link to an article titled "5 ways you are unknowingly destroying your husband and killing your marriage." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 152

You deserved it 7 803

fullalove tells us more.

fullalove 23

Thursday 11 December 2014 1:46

Hey guys. Let me start off by saying how excited I am that I got published! Obviously there is a story behind fml. My husband and I have been together since I was 14, and married since 19 (I'm 21 right now). We have No problems communicating with each other, but we just recently lost a set of twins, which has been really hard on both of us. We have both been dealing with it in our own way, and at times it feels it is tearing us apart. We both have sat down and attempted to work things out together, but at the moment it feel as if nothing will ever be the same. I have shut him out from time to time, which I definitely have tried not to do, but sometimes it feels as if I need to work things out with myself. As for the article, him and I got into it this morning, and I left for work angry. When I got off, I turned on my phone to see the link, which I clicked to the unfortunate page. I did read through it, and it's sad to say I was guilty of a few. I will be working on myself, because I love my husband, and I don't want this tragic event to be the end of us.