Awkward

Short Queen

By Anonymous - 14/08/2024 10:00 - United States - Lafayette

Today, it's my 36th birthday. My boyfriend and I celebrated with a big group of our friends, our families, and their kids. Everyone there was taller than me, including my friend's 10 year-old son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 339

You deserved it 111

Am I hired?

By KLM - 14/08/2024 14:00 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I had a job interview. As I walked in, I confidently shook the interviewer's hand, only to say, "I'm doing well, how are you?" before she'd even asked me how I was, or even said anything. The rest of the interview was pretty much a blur of awkwardness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 301

You deserved it 226

Fashionista

By Cousin_Greg - 14/08/2024 06:00 - Canada

Today, I got dressed in a hurry and grabbed what I though was a basic white shirt from the clean laundry pile. It wasn’t until I stepped into the elevator at work and saw myself in the mirror that I realized I was wearing one of my girlfriend’s shirt. It was snug, had a floral pattern, and made me look like I was trying too hard to be trendy. It was a long day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 106

You deserved it 520

Basic bitch

By kismet_fire - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, a customer yelled at me because I gave her a wrinkled bag. I work in retail, and the bags are all cheap plastic. She wouldn't stop, even when I gave her three different bags. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 215

You deserved it 2 790

Familiar

By Looks familiar - 13/08/2024 11:00 - United States

Today, my coworker asked me for advice for a clever comeback after she got an unsolicited dick pic. I sent her some zingers to roast the creep into oblivion. Afterward she sent me screenshots. I recognized the mole and birthmark immediately. It was my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 571

You deserved it 108

Orange river splashing

By nightwalker2253 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Orange

Today, I was floating on a river with some friends when I accidentally splashed one of their girlfriends in the face. She started crying and everyone gave me the silent treatment for the rest of the trip. We are all 26 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 857

You deserved it 2 507

Dr Phil

By Anonymous - 11/08/2024 20:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was in a crowded elevator and, like any sane person, eavesdropped on the couple in front of me. The guy was breaking up with his girlfriend, and she was crying. As they got off, I patted her on the back and said, "You can do better, honey." It wasn’t until the doors closed that I realized I had just encouraged my boss's wife to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 143

You deserved it 537

Meat market

By Secret size queen? - 10/08/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, I realized my relationship is broken. Two weeks ago, I got a dick pic from a random number. It was three times my fiancee's size. Ever since then, I haven't been able to feel any sort of physical attraction towards him. I love him, or at least I thought I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 684

Brain worms

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Ridgefield

Today, I went out to get groceries and ice-cream. When I got home, I couldn't find my house keys. I retraced my steps, but with no luck. I returned home and had to break in. While unpacking, I found my keys in the bag, right next to the completely melted ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 837

You deserved it 10 009

Reported!

By suspicious - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I received a lovely letter from the council telling me I have to cease the act of "breeding and selling cats" because someone from my Facebook reported me. I'm pretty sure I've never owned a cat or had one in my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 578

You deserved it 3 040

The walls have ears

By Anonymous - 09/08/2024 14:00 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, while sitting at a table in a coffee shop, I overheard someone on the next table talking about their horrible boss. I joined in, complaining about mine, and going into great detail about what an arsehole he can be. Turns out, I was talking to my boss's sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 116

You deserved it 656

It's the thought that counts

By Blade83 - 09/08/2024 12:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, my friends threw me a surprise birthday party. The problem? My birthday is tomorrow. I spent the entire evening pretending I was surprised and happy, all while knowing they got the date wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 159

You deserved it 575

Overconfident

By Tracey - 09/08/2024 09:00 - United States - Baltimore

Today, my 10-year-old niece asked me how to spell "embarrassing." I confidently spelled it out. She giggled and said, "No, that's wrong." She was right, and to make matters a tad ironic, I'd just finished bragging about winning a spelling bee back in middle school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 452

No one messes with Ben and/or Jerry

By Keith - 07/08/2024 22:00 - Ireland

Today, I was instructed to tell my niece a bedtime story, so I made up a story where they come down to Earth and steal all the ice cream. Suddenly, she burst into tears and ran to her mom, screaming, "The aliens are coming! Save the ice cream!" Now, I'm banned from bedtime storytelling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 355

You deserved it 221

Rare insults corner

By ButImBeautiful - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Cheltenham

Today, a little girl came up to me and told me I looked like a foot. Thanks a bunch, darling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 714

You deserved it 686

Place in the world fades away

By What - 07/08/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I received a random phone call from an unknown number. Three times. After the third time, the person started yelling at me viciously. Then I suddenly heard a different voice, saying, "Terribly sorry, sir. My poor sister has dementia and thinks you're her husband. Her dead husband, I might add." FML

I agree, your life sucks 472

You deserved it 73

This is fine

By Anonymous - 07/08/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I found out that my father, who very recently lost his wife, decided that drunkenly hitting on my long-time boyfriend's mom was a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 411

You deserved it 86

Lost in the sauce

By Kelgor - 07/08/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, I started to give a 30-minute presentation about environmental sustainability. When I'd finished what I though was a powerful introduction, I was informed that I was in the wrong conference room, speaking to a group of what appeared to basically be a bunch oil barons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 387

You deserved it 280

The Secret

By Anonymous - 06/08/2024 19:00

Today, I have a girlfriend. Our moms are best friends. Our dads are best friends. Our younger siblings are best friends. Our grandparents have known each other for 70 years. I hate my girlfriend. I have hundreds of texts proving she’s a cheating whore, but I feel trapped by our families' happiness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 210

The struggle

By Anonymous - 06/08/2024 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my son came to complain that all he and his girlfriend do is have sex, yet never talk to each other. As his dad, I tried to give him good advice, but as his mom makes me miserable every time she opens her mouth, it was a struggle to think what to say. In fact, he’s living my idea of paradise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 358

You deserved it 187

Seasonal

By Anonymous - 06/08/2024 00:00 - Canada

Today, I went to set up for the first time the wedding tent we'd purchased, two days before the wedding, to discover one of the seven boxes was a pink light up Christmas tree and not the tent's canopy. Thanks Bed Bath & Beyond. FML

I agree, your life sucks 342

You deserved it 260

Non-starter pack

By Anonymous - 05/08/2024 17:00 - United States - Huxley

Today, I'm in love with my best friend. We are intimate but live 24 hours away from one another. We had been discussing him moving closer to me, which was a recent turn of events and I was elated. We could finally be together… until some unexpected tragic news uncovered a kid he wasn't aware of. Now he's a single dad and staying put. FML

I agree, your life sucks 465

You deserved it 124

Tactful

By Anonymous - 05/08/2024 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, at a party, my friend introduced me to her roommate by spouting the usual crap, like, “You guys just had to meet, you have so much in common.” After 20 minutes of very painful, awkward conversation, it was clear the only thing we had in common was being the only two black people in the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 550

You deserved it 95

It's never 100%

By Stuck - 05/08/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I found out I’m gonna be a father. Apparently, my ex-girlfriend’s arm implant didn’t work this one time we had sex during our closure talk. Now I’m stuck having a baby with a girl I don’t even love anymore, and I have figure out how to explain this to my current girlfriend, who I do love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 156

You deserved it 708

Romantic choice of movie

By Ritta - 05/08/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, the guy I’ve had a crush on for ever declined a date with me to see the new Deadpool & Wolverine movie because he isn’t interested in dating. I decided to go to see the movie on my own. I ran into him at the same screening I went to, all cozied up with another girl. What the hell does she have that I don’t? FML

I agree, your life sucks 280

You deserved it 527

**** my shit up, please

By SteveO))) - 04/08/2024 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a new hair salon that has just opened down my street. I asked them for a trim and a little bit of layering, just to keep things smart and professional. I walked out looking like a cross between a pineapple and a mop. Of course, as is often the case after a bad haircut, I have a job interview in two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 391

You deserved it 240

Don't cheat

By Anonymous - 04/08/2024 12:00 - Canada

Today, I finally met the guy I've been getting to know online in person for a date. When we saw each other, we both realized that we had heavily Facetuned our profile pictures. The awkward silence that followed was the longest five minutes of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 878

Way too chill, dude

By Anonymous - 03/08/2024 20:00 - United States - Greensboro

Today, I went to what I thought was my friend’s house for a barbecue. I walked into the backyard and started chatting with people I didn't recognize. After about 20 minutes, I realized I was at the wrong house, eating a stranger's food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 171

You deserved it 453

What would you do?

By Anonymous - 02/08/2024 17:00 - United States - Tuscaloosa

Today, I found out my partner is cheating on me with several women. I broke up with him but he won’t move out without legal action (he is staying in my apartment), so I’m literally stuck being around him. He’s been very toxic and petty since I found out. I just want this to end. FML

I agree, your life sucks 623

You deserved it 130

Give him a week

By Allie - 01/08/2024 13:00 - United States

Today, I touched my friends hard junk under my foot through his jeans as we played games on the couch. He didn't move away and kept jiggling my thighs playfully, so I didn't stop. When he left, I texted him I liked what I felt and got no response. I killed a 7 year friendship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 395

You deserved it 209

Keywords

Cats Animals Work Christmas Health Embarrassing Awkward Anniversary Boredom Love Abuse Intimacy Ironic Transportation Drunk AITA Am I overreacting? Alcohol Kids Parents Gun control Language Mysterious Noise Relatable Money Food Miscellaneous Delivery Family

The Top

Today, I put my sexiest lingerie on, lit candles, put some sensual music on, and got my bed ready to surprise my boyfriend when he came home. I positioned myself in the sexiest pose possible. He came home and didn't come in my room for twenty minutes because of a football game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 150

You deserved it 6 979

Today, and ever since my fiance started eating apples instead of junk food, he now has horribly foul diarrhea every morning, and keeps insisting it's his body "flushing out the toxins." I'm about to rent a Porta Potty so our bathrooms don't smell like sewage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 338

You deserved it 109

The Top

Today, I found out that my beloved guinea pig has impaction. For the rest of his life it will be my duty to clean out his rectum manually every month, or every week/day if it gets worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 578

You deserved it 5 304

Today, I heard the very loud buzzing of a fly nearby, and I felt a tingly sensation on my arm. I thought there was a fly on my arm; I was half-right. There were, in fact, two flies having sex on my arm. That's something I will never unsee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 079

You deserved it 266

Today, I woke up on an airplane in Rome. As I was sleeping, I had covered myself and the seat in period blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 412

You deserved it 532

Today, I went fishing with friends looking to catch big redfish. During the trip, one of the men caught a 50 pound monster which I put away. At the end of the trip they wanted to take a picture with it. I went to wash off the fish in the water. Apparently the fish wasn't dead and swam away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 937

You deserved it 35 246

Today, I was having a hot telephone conversation with my boyfriend who lives in another state. Unfortunately, I even have to fake orgasms during phone sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 761

You deserved it 34 452

Today, it was my 21st birthday. I had a simple party with my boyfriend, with just a cake and a bottle of red wine. My boyfriend managed to get so drunk that he danced naked for 10 minutes, then told me I'm hideously obese but that he loves me anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 592

You deserved it 5 768