Awkward

Sort yourselves out

By Anonymous - 01/07/2024 08:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that I bought a house next door to crazy people. She asked me if I would mind not showering when her husband is at home, because he can hear me and knowing I’m naked on the other side of the wall turns him on, which is a nuisance for her. He’s unemployed. He’s always at home, the creep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 689

You deserved it 100

Bill or Ted?

By NotWhatItLooksLike - 30/06/2024 14:00 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I was listening to music while wearing my headphones on campus. A song I really liked came on, and after a while, I started doing air guitar along to it. I was soon accosted by campus security. Apparently, air guitar looks like jerking off from really far away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 396

You deserved it 237

Smooth

By Jank - 30/06/2024 06:00 - United Kingdom - Doncaster

Today, on a third and hopefully eventful date, I tried to be smooth and pull out my date's chair for them at a restaurant. I misjudged the distance and ended up pulling the chair out from under them completely, causing them to fall. The rest of the date was spent apologizing profusely. No third base either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 136

You deserved it 570

With a heavy heart…

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I watched my best friend get married to the guy I have been in love with since the eighth grade. I was the maid of honor, and had to give a toast to the couple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 929

You deserved it 17 968

Stable genius

By Anonymous - 29/06/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, my mom casually told me, "Remember that time we went to build a swing set when you were four? Actually, I was going to hang myself and take you with me so that you didn't suffer in this life. If it wasn't for your Grandma, we wouldn't be here now. And when I took you to the lake… Oh, silly me!" Cool, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 700

You deserved it 69

Drunk on the job

By Anonymous - 29/06/2024 03:00 - United States - Matawan

Today, I was in a rush to get my lunch for work. I quickly opened my fridge to grab it, and accidentally knocked over a beer, spilling a little on my pants. I told myself I'd spray them in the car. I forgot, and when I got into work, someone sat down and commented that they smelled beer. The person was a student. FML

I agree, your life sucks 295

You deserved it 226

Gush gashed

By Anonymous - 29/06/2024 06:00 - United States - Tallahassee

Today, I was using a public restroom when the automatic toilet flushed prematurely. The sudden gush of water startled me so much that I jumped up and slipped, hitting my head on the stall door. A concerned stranger had to help me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 393

You deserved it 125

Keep some things to yourself

By Beer - 28/06/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, I picked out a massive two-inch long ingrown hair on my chin. I called my girlfriend in to take a look. She saw it, shrieked, then fainted, cracking her head on the toilet as she fell. Hello, hospital bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 265

You deserved it 368

Don't let me be misunderstood

By Vanessaaaa - 27/06/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, my husband is leaving me because he did a paternity test on our 4 year-old daughter and found out she’s not his. The night of my bachelorette party I drunkenly hooked up with two men so I don’t know who the father is. He doesn’t understand that I was drunk and that family isn’t about blood, it’s about love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 2 121

Handle with care

By Frankly - 26/06/2024 16:00 - United States

Today, my dad and two of his hunting buddies started a true crime podcast. It's as bad as you can imagine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 389

You deserved it 109

Hello?

By Anonymous - 26/06/2024 12:00 - Denmark - Aalborg

Today, I found out that my parents forgot to invite me out to eat with them. I found this out when my mom invited my sister right in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 436

You deserved it 82

Sketchy

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, it was my first day with new contacts, but I found out they make my eyes red and itchy. Today was also the day I had a very important meeting. They think I showed up stoned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 300

You deserved it 3 460

Surveillance

By HiddlePuff - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, while teaching my class, I hooked my laptop up to the projector and put on a documentary. I left it playing and went to the toilet. When I came back, the whole class was talking to my mother. She must've Skyped me while I was gone and someone answered the call. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 728

You deserved it 8 352

Another fine mess

By Anonymous - 24/06/2024 15:00 - Colombia - Corozal

Today, I was talking with my closest coworker about her boss. She told me that she yelled at her and told her, "You capricious and silly girl, you have to be more independent and brave for this job. You are a lawyer; think about your duties." She told me this as her boss came up behind us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 351

You deserved it 111

You what?

By he does WHAT - 23/06/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, I went with my wife to her work picnic. Some guy I don't know slapped her on the butt. I was ready to deck the creep, but my wife giggled and said, "Oh relax, it doesn't mean a thing. He does that all the time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 712

You deserved it 100

Give me a second!

By Nick - 23/06/2024 14:00 - Canada

Today, my ex-wife's lawyer threatened to default on the divorce because I have not signed the divorce papers yet. Divorce papers that I have not been served yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 500

You deserved it 84

Because nobody questions Bigfoot

By poisonivyandbigfoot - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I was playing a game on my boyfriend's phone when he got a text from a girl saying, "Last night was so fun." When I asked him about it, he panicked and said, "We were hunting Bigfoot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 591

You deserved it 403

Like family!

By HELP - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I moved into a new house. The landlord insists it's OK for her to come up whenever she wants because she owns the house. We aren't allowed to lock the doors and she has two 8-year-olds. They come into the bathroom every time they hear the shower running. We have a clear shower curtain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 086

You deserved it 4 379

Have fun!

By Anonymous - 23/06/2024 06:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, I worked from home and, by coincidence, it was the day that my partner was going away for the weekend with some friends. When one of them picked her up, I noticed that the other friend's husband was going on the trip. So other husbands are invited… but not me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 560

You deserved it 108

Kinda sus, huh?

By Anonymous - 22/06/2024 13:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, my wife of 8 years bumped into my ex-girlfriend from 10 years ago. Despite having never met one another and no overlap in our dating, they both knew each other, but both acted like they didn’t. My ex proceeded to have an anxiety attack, and my wife played aggressive mind games with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 427

You deserved it 106

Checked out

By for fucks sake gramps - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Mililani

Today, I was at the store with my grandpa. When we were rung up, he started to pay for our myriad groceries in coins, and the guy behind us groaned. My grandpa said, "Shut your mouth," and started ranting about how stupid people are to leave paper trails for "government spooks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 759

You deserved it 2 301

Supportive

By Anonymous - 22/06/2024 15:00 - Russia

Today, I'm terminally ill, in a foreign country for treatment, and I was feeling hurt and sad inside, so I rang my parents to just talk, to feel warm and protected. My father told me on the phone with an indifferent tone, "Son, we're out for some shopping and getting groceries, Mom will call you back." They never did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 572

You deserved it 79

Joe Smooth move

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was in school when I spotted my girlfriend in the hallway. I wanted to be all romantic and grab her like guys do in movies. I grabbed her wrist forcefully and pulled her out of the crowd. As I quickly leaned in to kiss her, I broke her nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 519

You deserved it 38 449

Let down

By Branden10 - 21/06/2024 16:00 - United States

Today, I decided to tell this girl I like how I feel. I surprised her with roses and chocolates for her birthday and poured my heart out to her, promising to treat her like a queen. She snorted and told me that eventually I’ll “leave her” like all the others, and to “tell that cockamamie bullshit to someone else.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 449

You deserved it 182

Priorities

By Anonymous - 21/06/2024 13:00 - United States - Maryland Heights

Today, despite being an incredible single mother to my only child, and loving him more than anyone else could, my son still completely ignored me and my attempts to hug him at his gender reveal party with his wife. Apparently she deserved a hug more than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 120

You deserved it 1 997

Wrong place, wrong time

By Julia86 - 20/06/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, I got to work early to set up a prank for my coworker Cathy. I wrapped everything on her desk in aluminum foil, including individual paperclips. As I finished, my boss walked in, pointed at the desk, and said, "Great work, but that's John’s desk. He’s out sick today." FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 682

Bad parenting

By Anonymous - 19/06/2024 21:00

Today, we got back from our second honeymoon and went to pick the kids up from my mom's. Surprisingly, they were both sat quietly watching TV. Half jokingly, I asked my mom what her secret was. Without even a guilty pause she told me, "Benadryl for chesty coughs in their juice. You're welcome." FML

I agree, your life sucks 483

You deserved it 108

FOMO

By Brian - 18/06/2024 05:00 - United States - Prospect

Today, it's Fathers Day. Both of my adult daughters called me… from their stepfather's house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 375

You deserved it 164

Scared

By dentallycorrect - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while I was casually sitting at a bar, a drunk biker with no teeth leaned over and tried to kiss me. I'm a sailor in the Navy, but I think I screamed like a little girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 685

You deserved it 5 494

Cut!

By Anonymous - 17/06/2024 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my cousins are visiting from America and boy do I want rid of them. We went to a restaurant and ordering their food took over 20 minutes due to their crazy food orders. It was seriously like the restaurant scene in The Goldbergs, only not funny. Seriously, go watch that scene. MADNESS. FML

I agree, your life sucks 393

You deserved it 133

Keywords

Cats Animals Work Christmas Health Embarrassing Awkward Anniversary Boredom Love Abuse Intimacy Ironic Transportation Drunk AITA Am I overreacting? Alcohol Kids Parents Gun control Language Mysterious Noise Relatable Money Food Miscellaneous Delivery Family

The Top

Today, I went onto my fiance's phone because I was seeing if a message was important enough go wake him up for. It wasn't important, but when I unlocked his phone, Facebook was already open with his female best friend's chat. He pretty much admitted to her that he still has feelings and that she's a better mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 433

You deserved it 156

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He knows that I love when he breathes on my neck. Just when I was about to finish, he put his lips a millimeter away from my neck and ear, and breathed, "I love how you smell like my grandmother's house." FML

I agree, your life sucks 111 817

You deserved it 9 771

The Top

Today, I turned on my camera to find pictures of my dad's secretary giving him a blowjob. Minutes later, I hear a scream from another room as my 12-year-old sister discovers similar pictures on HER camera. Mom and dad say it's no big deal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 245 457

You deserved it 13 938

Today, I was taking my grandma shopping, when she pointed at a pair of thongs and told me if I don’t start wearing them I won’t get a man. I've been married for 4 years, gran. Thanks for paying attention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 213

You deserved it 1 610

Today, I learned the hard way that your little brother is not joking when he threatens to shave your eyebrows if you don't let him watch cartoons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 448

You deserved it 6 780

Today, I was walking around my house without a shirt on after my shower. I picked up my cat and walked around the corner… Just as my dad turned on the vacuum. Now I have 6 rather deep bloody holes in my shoulder and chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 181

You deserved it 8 223

Today, I bought a new bike from a sporting goods store. I secured the bike in the back seat and slammed the door shut, but I didn't pay close enough attention to the placement of the handlebars. I had to return the bike to pay for the shattered window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 697

You deserved it 3 481

Today, after buying dinner from the supermarket, I had the change in my hand, and my wallet. In the parking lot, a quarter fell out of my hand, and right next to the street drain. As I went to pick it up, my wallet fell down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 355

You deserved it 11 275