Awkward

Someone needs a hug

By lukey101 - 13/08/2020 05:01

Today, I was out to lunch when someone in the distance proposed to his partner. She said yes, everyone clapped and cheered. I, on the other hand, burst into tears and couldn't stop bawling for about half an hour. I'm a 32 year-old man and didn't even know the happy couple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 365

You deserved it 478

Take the compliment

By Anonymous - 12/08/2020 17:01

Today, I was working in the yard and took off my shirt. My neighbor yelled, "Nice tits!" I'm a dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 310

You deserved it 462

Karen strikes again

By fucking Karens! - 11/08/2020 14:02

Today, I got lost searching for an apartment in a huge complex. A hysterical woman started screaming that I didn’t belong there, and that she was calling the police. She stood behind my car so I couldn’t leave. I’m a pizza delivery driver, in full uniform and with the company emblem on my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 000

You deserved it 164

So sorry I called you a dingdong

By Anonymous - 10/08/2020 17:01

Today, I sent a draft email to my boss. The receptionist, thinking they were being helpful, forwarded it straight to the client. It's not ready for the client. I mean, it is NOT ready for the client. Really, really not ready for the client. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 601

You deserved it 238

Alexa, play 'Communication Breakdown' by Led Zeppelin

By Anonymous - 08/08/2020 17:02

Today, my man complained that I was "not easily approachable", sexually speaking. To clarify, his usual way of signalling his desire is to just lie there, quiet and not moving, and (probably) thinking exciting thoughts. I can't tell if he likes me touching him, unless he signals a lack of interest by falling asleep, that is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 851

You deserved it 220

Empathy Man

By Anonymous - 05/08/2020 02:02

Today, I told my man I was feeling a lack of emotional closeness and dialogue in our relationship. I'd hoped for a comeback like, "So what do you need in order to change that?" Or even, "Aw, come here, let's cuddle!" Instead, I got a simple, "I don't." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 504

You deserved it 366

Death at one's elbow

By Anonymous - 31/07/2020 17:00

Today, I found out that for the past 6 months I have been sleeping next to a dead body. The cremated body of my landlord's father. It was hidden inside a wardrobe that I was not supposed to use. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 604

You deserved it 278

Send message

By Tristan - 30/07/2020 02:01

Today, while messaging a possible new hire to set up an interview at my retail job, I meant to say, "Thank you for being flexible" - in regards to scheduling. Instead, it autocorrected to, "Thank you for being delicious." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 291

You deserved it 333

Yeah, that's the same

By Iabnysmwytm - 29/07/2020 14:01

Today, we were talking about discrimination. I shared my story of being denied housing and a job offer because I'm trans. Some doofus tried to compare it to the time he was denied a car loan due to not having credit history. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 624

You deserved it 751

Alexa, play "Let's Get it On" by Marvin Gaye

By notsosexy - 18/07/2020 08:01

Today, I attempted to have amazing birthday sex with my boyfriend in his dorm room. Everything was going great until we tried switching positions. I hit my head so hard on the bunk above his bed that I gave myself a concussion, and blacked out. Needless to say, the moment was ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 777

You deserved it 342

Ghosted

By Di Da - 06/07/2020 23:02

Today, my boss came to my desk and asked me how the work is going, then he just walked away in the middle of me explaining a problem in the project. When I wanted to make an appointment with his secretary, she told me he isn't going to have any time this and next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 603

You deserved it 131

Take the L

By Anonymous - 06/07/2020 17:02

Today, I confessed my feelings to my best friend, how I'm deeply in love with him. The consequence wasn't good, as he told me we should never talk to each other again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 696

You deserved it 242

Hold the line

By Anonymous - 06/07/2020 08:02

Today, I discovered that my work's new phone system automatically takes people off hold the very second you pick up the phone. I discovered this after picking up the phone and complaining to my workmates about the annoying customer I had on the line for a full minute, all while he listened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 2 612

People of Walmart

By FayBerry88 - 04/07/2020 08:08

Today, my four-year-old son asked me for a "boobie hug" in Walmart. It's something his dad thinks is cute and I've just gotten used to, so I hugged him without question. From the other end of the aisle, a strange man asked, "Can I have one too?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 453

You deserved it 491

Alexa, play "Paranoid" by Black Sabbath

By Anonymous - 02/07/2020 14:07

Today, I had people coming over to buy some chairs from me. I took a screenshot of their profile because I was home alone, and watch enough ID to be cautious. I thought I'd sent it to my fiancé. I'd sent it to them instead. Now my anxiety is through the roof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 774

You deserved it 1 272

Running commentary

By lukey101 - 25/06/2020 17:02

Today, the Snapchat that I was taking of my car being washed, including my commentary like, "Oooh yeah, get into it baby," was replayed loudly through my car via Bluetooth while the workers were inside and all around washing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 2 060

Call the waaaambulance!

By boiled ladybits - 25/06/2020 14:02

Today, I was in the shower having a little fun with the detachable shower head. I didn’t know anyone else was home until I heard a toilet flush and scalding hot water flooded my cooch. I think I need to go to the ER, but I’m too embarrassed to ask for a ride there. I can’t walk or sit properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 561

You deserved it 621

Friends theme music plays

By Anonymous - 24/06/2020 05:01

Today, I realized that having the apartment bathroom next to my bedroom space isn't so great and convenient when it's occupied by my evil roommate, Fartzilla. I hear every constipated grunt, despite having music turned up. Worse, it's like living next to a poop-pourri factory. Nose bleach, anyone? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 413

You deserved it 201

Mom gets some

By not a photographer - 21/06/2020 08:08

Today, my mom asked me to take a picture of her and a friend before they went out to dinner. I was getting ready to take the picture when I noticed the box showing the most recent picture. It was a nude. Of my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 713

You deserved it 163

Swindler's List

By whoneedsloveanyway - 21/06/2020 02:01

Today, I found out that my fiancé has a list with every woman he slept. Chronologically. I'm number 23, out of 27. Our wedding is in two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 413

You deserved it 195

Honesty is the best policy

By Anonymous - 19/06/2020 02:00

Today, I finally went on a date with a girl I've been talking to for 2 years. She is my dream girl, picture perfect and I love her with all my heart. So I asked her, half jokingly, if I was her dream guy. Her reply? "Don't ask me something you don't want to hear the answer of." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 424

You deserved it 1 260

Dead wrong

By Anonymous - 18/06/2020 08:08

Today, I attended my husband's funeral and my son carried out the eulogy, which basically turned into a character assassination, ending with "and I hope Hell is hot enough for you, old man." Almost our entire family agreed with every word he said. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 822

You deserved it 570

Really close

By Anonymous - 15/06/2020 20:08

Today, my sister made her engagement official on Facebook. When I shared the post to spread the word, people didn't read her boyfriend's name, and I started getting questions on why my sister and I were getting married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 549

You deserved it 332

This is us

By Anonymous - 15/06/2020 17:04

Today, after 14 years of relationship, him forgetting every anniversary and birthday, and being disloyal several times, my boyfriend offered to buy us friendship rings. Because I according to him, I seem to care for such gestures, and it would fix our problems. 14 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 054

You deserved it 2 906

Sounds bad

By Pururururin - 11/06/2020 08:08

Today, I accidentally deleted an audio file for my first professional video project. Impossible to do a retake, because the production budget was so tight. The audio from the camera sounds bad and file recovery program still can't help. Also, the deadline is this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 418

You deserved it 583

Used

By Eric Jurgensen - 10/06/2020 17:03

Today, I found out my now ex-girlfriend had only moved in to spite her mother, not because she loved me. Five months of falling in love, just to find out I was just being used to get back at her mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 607

You deserved it 160

Exclusivity

By whoops - 10/06/2020 02:00

Today, I ran into the guy I’ve been seeing. He was holding hands with another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 683

You deserved it 169

So hard

By JessicaandGhazi - 09/06/2020 08:04

Today, my boyfriend and I were laying in bed after having sex. I commented on him still having an erection after having an orgasm. He said it happens whenever he has a strong orgasm. Then he added, "And surprisingly, I was even thinking about you when it happened." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 661

You deserved it 309

Notification sound

By Anonymous - 09/06/2020 02:00

Today, I farted during a Zoom call in front of our client. I thought mic was muted. My Team Lead had lot of things to say to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 152

You deserved it 785

Body positivity

By Kortnie Peterman - 06/06/2020 17:03

Today, after 3 months of my boyfriend complaining his weight is making him not want sex, I suggested we go for a walk to help us both start to lose weight. He looked at me and said, "You're too fat to go walking." I'm beginning to think my weight is the problem here, not his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 083

You deserved it 382

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The Top

Today, I had to place a call home because a student was late every single day. The mom rudely replied, “Yeah well she doesn’t really like getting up in the mornings. Can’t you just wait and start class like 30 minutes later?” Now I have to have a conference with this spoiled brat and her mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 509

You deserved it 104

Today, my 14 year-old son asked to join my buddies and me at the gun range. The second I finished the safety lecture and handed him a pistol, he started twirling it on his finger (thankfully, it was unloaded). I smacked him in the head and took him home. Now he's moping and sulking like a bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 602

You deserved it 218

The Top

Today, I won employee of the month. I was then fired for being late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 817

You deserved it 7 010

Today, I finished filling the pages in my passport. Also today, my mom's cat urinated on my backpack, soaking my passport with rancid pee. I have visas that last 10 years and can't be moved to a new passport, so I have to keep this nostril-burning booklet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 218

You deserved it 641

Today, my nephew stabbed me in the knee with a colouring pencil. The hospital says he ripped a hole in a tendon and I need surgery to fix it or one day it'll snap. I’ll have a limp for the rest of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 983

You deserved it 286

Today, my boss broke off our relationship because he said it's inappropriate. I really liked him, but I accepted it and respected his integrity. A few hours later, I found out he's now dating my colleague. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 799

You deserved it 4 219

Today, the air bag system in my car somehow malfunctioned, and the air bag inflated while I was driving, causing me to lose control and crash into a street light. I ended up with a badly bruised face because the air bag had already deflated by then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 936

You deserved it 1 766

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my fingers got stuck between the wall and headboard. Screaming, he thought I was enjoying the sex and kept going even harder. I have 3 broken fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 945

You deserved it 9 091