Intimacy

Fashionista

By Anonymous - 14/05/2012 00:25 - United States - Newark

Spicy

Today, it's my birthday. All I wanted was birthday sex, but all my boyfriend could talk about was how great the new purse he got me was. I think he might like it more than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 579

You deserved it 5 723

By rj - 12/05/2012 14:42 - United States - Goddard

Spicy

Today, my wife told me she was pregnant. I don't remember having sex since last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 565

You deserved it 5 829

TMI

By crazyman. - 12/05/2012 05:27 - United States - Keller

Spicy

Today, my fiancé got drunk at our wedding reception and announced to his and my family what we do in bed. And it was pretty detailed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 730

You deserved it 4 138

DELETE! DELETE!

By Hunter101 - 12/05/2012 04:24 - United States - Humble

Spicy

Today, I took a picture in front of my bathroom mirror and posted it on Facebook. When I checked it later, it had 20 comments on the picture. I was feeling good until I read the comments and looked at the picture again. I'd left my vibrator on the the bathroom counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 550

You deserved it 64 754

By 504-A1 - 11/05/2012 22:02 - Canada - Barrie

Spicy

Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. Trying to be sexy, I told him what I was doing with my vibrator. I heard a loud bang, followed by him shouting, "Why don't you just fucking marry it, then?!" and then hanging up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 508

You deserved it 10 411

By polimeros - 09/05/2012 22:19 - Mexico - Queretaro

Spicy

Today, I had to excuse myself from the classroom so I could have a quick wank. This was because I somehow got extremely horny during a lesson on frog reproduction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 611

You deserved it 41 830

By laury - 09/05/2012 02:05 - Canada - Port Elgin

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 565

You deserved it 3 646

Hiya!

By mal - 08/05/2012 20:46 - United Kingdom - Chelmsford

Spicy

Today, I brought my girlfriend home while my parents were at work, and things got a little heated. We lost track of time, because the next thing we knew, my dad burst into the living room. He doubled over laughing and asked how much I paid her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 206

You deserved it 6 269

By Anonymous - 08/05/2012 11:35 - United States

Spicy

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he would still love me if I became a vegetable. His response: "Well, the sex wouldn't be any different." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 783

You deserved it 35 144

By coffeeshopgirl - 08/05/2012 00:25 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I'm cheering myself up about being newly single by having a sleepover with my best friends. Their boyfriends have all decided to sleep over as well though, so I'm currently alone in a corridor with nothing but the sound of all my friends having loud sex to keep me company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 950

You deserved it 4 494

Vaporeon?

By me. - 07/05/2012 20:38 - Canada - Orillia

Spicy

Today, I got an inconvenient erection while at my girlfriends house, so I tried to think of something stupid to get rid of it. I tried thinking of Pokémon, which actually made me harder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 284

You deserved it 12 181

By quirrus - 07/05/2012 09:42 - United States

Spicy

Today, while showering with my boyfriend, he asked if something was weird about his penis. Naturally, I looked closer. As soon as I did, he sprayed my face with urine. This is only the beginning; we just moved in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 089

You deserved it 9 832

By madseason - 07/05/2012 00:13 - United States

Spicy

Today, I confronted my girlfriend about cheating on me. Her response was that it's not cheating since she is getting paid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 922

You deserved it 4 746

By Kwalker3 - 06/05/2012 06:39 - United States - Tracy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were making love. I was really close to climaxing, when he suddenly stopped, smirked, and said, "Hang on, I'm buffering." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 415

You deserved it 4 158

By Anonymous - 05/05/2012 12:07 - Israel - Ramat Hasharon

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend cuffed my legs to the bed. After the sex we discovered one of the cuffs wouldn't open. After an hour of trying to pry them open, I had to waddle with him to the fire station to have them removed in front of 4 amused firefighters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 164

You deserved it 8 756

By CALIdime_15 - 05/05/2012 05:42 - United States

Spicy

Today, I watched my boyfriend have a full on conversation with his penis. He also talks to his penis nicer than he talks to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 358

You deserved it 4 920

By Garry - 04/05/2012 21:53 - United States

Spicy

Today, an exchange student was telling us how he once used a black light to detect semen stains on his "abstinent" ex-girlfriend's face. I called him out on the obvious lie, saying it's an old urban legend. He wigged out, screamed that I'm a "bastarding shite-wank" and ran out of class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 277

You deserved it 5 450

By Anonymous - 04/05/2012 20:57 - Netherlands - Uithoorn

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend thought it was a good show of etiquette to answer a text message from his ex, while he was still inside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 153

You deserved it 3 571

By anonymous4991 - 04/05/2012 00:39 - United States - Denver

Spicy

Today, I was petting my cat and I jokingly said out loud, "Oh, the pussy likes it rough? You like that, don't you?" My windows were open and I could hear the neighbors laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 511

You deserved it 33 861

anonymous4991 tells us more.

anonymous4991 5

Friday 4 May 2012 21:36

From the poster: I fully expected to a lot of "you deserved it" I just thought it was too funny not to share with the world. Yes, I was talking about petting an actual feline. No, I do not talk to myself while masturbating or have regular conversations with the cat. My neighbor's porch is a couple feet from my window and I can hear all of their conversations too. I am dating someone and have gotten laid recently. I think it is hilarious they put it in the "intimacy" section.

By dentistrygirl - 03/05/2012 19:41 - United States

Spicy

Today, while I was sneaking a boy out of my room at 2am, I ran into my mom sneaking a man into her room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 315

You deserved it 11 733

By S12Sophia - 02/05/2012 22:06 - France

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were making love for the first time, when out of nowhere my cat meowed from the doorway. My boyfriend sighed, pulled out, and exasperatedly called me a selfish bitch for not having put my cat outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 053

You deserved it 5 464

I won! I won!

By winnerwinner - 02/05/2012 15:46 - United States

Spicy

Today, my husband informed me that he has been purposely finishing before me in bed as a form of punishment for beating him at Mario Kart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 976

You deserved it 6 874

Quick thinking

By rolyat - 01/05/2012 16:41 - United States - Rochester

Spicy

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend for the first time. When I took my underwear off, she looked at my penis, snorted, and covered her mouth. She claimed that her "allergies" were flaring and we have to wait until they clear up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 722

You deserved it 4 005

By epicsquishii - 01/05/2012 11:02 - United States - Riverbank

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend yet again unsuccessfully tried to hold in uncontrollable giggling every time I moaned or sighed during sex. He's 24. I'm terrified of his reaction should I ever reach an orgasm with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 032

You deserved it 3 468

By lowlife123 - 01/05/2012 03:01 - United States - Manawa

Spicy

Today, I found out my boyfriend gave me a surprise birthday present: herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 959

You deserved it 7 439

By NotAModel - 30/04/2012 15:50 - United States

Spicy

Today, after putting an ad on Craigslist to sell a coat, I finally got a call. The guy on the phone seemed interested, and was especially curious to know if I could "model" it for him, in "stockings and suspenders." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 300

You deserved it 3 863

Grooming

By kdehshaden - 30/04/2012 08:25 - United States

Spicy

Today, after a lot of begging, I finally convinced my husband to shave all of his pubes off. Now I can't even look at it without laughing, and he's mad at me for making him do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 647

You deserved it 56 835

By ShadowJack - 29/04/2012 15:10 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mom walked in on me masturbating. She didnt look away and we stared at each other for a while; then she asked me what I wanted from McDonalds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 479

You deserved it 9 784

By Elise - 28/04/2012 23:36 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend figured out that he can bounce small things off of my boobs, and has been doing it every time I look away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 534

You deserved it 4 590

By Matt - 28/04/2012 18:28 - United Kingdom - London

Spicy

Today, the novelty of shaving a heart into my pubic hair for my wife vanished, when I woke up to find a collection of scabs around my pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 343

You deserved it 15 744

Keywords

Insects Gross Miscellaneous Cute Neighbours Kids Proposal Awkward Love Amazon Relatable Hair Delivery Health Scary Allergies Dogs Animals Babysitter Skincare Emergency Doctor Hospital Engagement ring Vacation AITA Facebook Social Media Scams Sex

The Top

Today, I finally got my boyfriend to watch one of my favorite TV shows. I was excitedly talking when he interrupted me and angrily said, "Can you stop with the fucking spoilers?" I then realized I'd spoiled half the show. He left to play video games. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 750

Today, our school went to an elementary school to read to the kids. One of the girls in my group asked me if she could switch into another group, so I asked her what was wrong with mine. She said, "Nothing, I wanna be in her group. She's prettier." I was insulted by a kindergartner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 933

You deserved it 4 031

The Top

Today, I picked out a massive two-inch long ingrown hair on my chin. I called my girlfriend in to take a look. She saw it, shrieked, then fainted, cracking her head on the toilet as she fell. Hello, hospital bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 265

You deserved it 368

Today, awaiting the end of my shift at a call centre, I received my last call. The caller had a riddle: “What’s a cow’s favorite place to go? The moooo-vies!” He then laughed like a hyena and hung up. I wish I could pay my rent with riddles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 139

Today, I've been living with my new roommate's dogs for three days now. In an ironic twist, the small one is very well-behaved, while the two big ones are disobedient little shits. Every day, I get a thousand more reminders as to why I'm a cat person. I can't do this anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 713

You deserved it 168

Today, I attended a new class at college. It was a class to help people with Asperger's adjust to college, which my parents pushed me into taking. It was incredibly condescending and insulting, and it felt like a class for preschoolers. My parents won't let me drop the class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 903

You deserved it 3 048

Today, I had a date with someone I met online. We agreed to meet at a nice restaurant. I got there early, ordered a drink, and waited. And waited. An hour later, I texted to ask where he was. His response? "I’ve been watching you from my car for the last hour. Decided you’re not my type." FML

I agree, your life sucks 616

You deserved it 102

Today, I waited tables for the first time at my new restaurant job. I asked a group of older men what they would like. One replied, "A slice of that ass". I'm 19 and a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 037

You deserved it 3 261