Miscellaneous

By Silver_Jet - 06/03/2014 01:59 - Canada - Beamsville

Today, I was excited to see a spider skittering across my bathroom floor, because this one was real and not a hallucination. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 269

You deserved it 6 820

Silver_Jet tells us more.

Silver_Jet 10

Thursday 6 March 2014 14:50

Op here. Got an account to commentnt on this. No I am not on drugs. I know this spider is real because I killed it and I am not sure if I have schizophrenia.

Well played

By anonymous - 05/03/2014 05:43 - United States - League City

Today, my mom came into my room, yelling at me about a pregnancy test that she found in my bathroom. My mom wouldn't believe me when I said it wasn't mine. Turns out my sister bought the test, threw it under my bathroom cabinet, and now she won't admit to the prank. She thinks this is hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 384

You deserved it 3 643

By augiedd - 05/03/2014 02:46 - United States - Schaumburg

Today, after weeks of summoning up the courage to come out of the closet to my best friend, I told her I was gay. Immediately after she started cracking up, thinking it was a joke. I was so confused and nervous, I went along with it. She still thinks I'm straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 834

You deserved it 7 461

By fuck you, jack - 04/03/2014 20:44 - United States - Peabody

Today, I got home late from work, so I decided to make myself a microwave meal. I pierced the plastic film several times. A little too loudly for my hateful bastard of a neighbor, I guess, because he called the cops on me, claiming he heard gunshots from my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 262

You deserved it 3 304

By Staying Home Today - 04/03/2014 12:25 - United States - Severn

Today, my driver's-side door was so frozen that the locking mechanism wouldn't move. My passenger-side door's lock worked, but the door itself wouldn't budge. The door handle on the other hand, budged quite well. It budged right off its hinges. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 949

You deserved it 3 789

Denial

By Anonymous - 04/03/2014 04:12 - United States - Woodland

Today, my mom left the house in the morning, leaving me alone. I called and I got no answer. Hours later, she finally answers one of my calls and tells me that she'd been in an AA meeting all this time. Happy, I tell her to come home. She came home drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 171

You deserved it 3 217

By Anonymous - 03/03/2014 16:30

Today, my roommate pranked me by putting blue food coloring in the shower head. I have class in 20 minutes and look like a Smurf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 840

You deserved it 4 057

By get me out of this house! - 03/03/2014 06:12 - United States

Today, my grandma begins her second week of unemployment. So far, she has paced outside my door, randomly comes into my room, and I woke up this morning to find a bible on my bed. I now look forward to going to work every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 588

You deserved it 3 628

By ealovan - 03/03/2014 05:18 - United States - Des Moines

Today, I have exactly 204 snowflakes saved onto my computer, all of which I made on this snowflake-making website. This is what my life has come to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 933

You deserved it 9 689

By AlwaysAwkward - 03/03/2014 02:30 - United States - Strongsville

Today, I got my first massage. At the end, the masseuse made a gesture indicating which way the exit was. After having had her hands all over my body for the past hour, I thought the gesture was indicative of a goodbye hug. Things got awkward really fast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 396

You deserved it 9 041

By kitty91 - 03/03/2014 01:14 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I ran into a friend I hadn't seen in a while, but I had heard she was pregnant. I rubbed her belly and asked when she was due. She slowly backed away, giving me a weird look and said, "Two months ago." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 827

You deserved it 19 767

kitty91_fml tells us more.

kitty91_fml 7

Tuesday 4 March 2014 10:08

Why does everyone just assume we're not close friends? She's actually one of my best friends. I hadn't seen her in a while because I was out of the country and I knew she would be ok with me rubbing her belly because with her first pregnancy she always wanted me to touch her belly. It would've been awkward if she hadn't burst out laughing. We ended laughing so hard at my stupidity that we cried.

Where am I?

By Anonymous - 02/03/2014 05:03 - United States

Today, I set up a small social gathering for a few friends. One of them didn't have a ride, so the others, who'd already shown up, went to go give him a ride. After no sign of them for a whole hour, I called to see what was wrong. They went out to eat and completely forgot about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 218

You deserved it 4 360

Classy night out

By thanks - 01/03/2014 17:23 - Australia - Blackburn

Today, my friends convinced me to go out clubbing with them for the first time. "You'll get some action", they said. The only action I got was some drunk bloke staggering into me and spraying me with vomit just minutes after arriving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 273

You deserved it 4 144

By Anonymous - 01/03/2014 08:30 - Australia

Today, I ran into a friend I hadn't seen in a while. I swear I couldn't help it when the words "Wow, I bet you really regret that haircut." came out of my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 500

You deserved it 44 189

By minauto - 27/02/2014 23:58 - United States - San Antonio

Today, my car was found with a smashed window and a torn-apart steering column, in order to hot-wire it. The thief didn't get away with my car, though. The engine was in the garage, where I've been working on it for two days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 886

You deserved it 3 154

minauto tells us more.

minauto 15

Friday 28 February 2014 13:38

This actually happened to my boyfriend but he posted it from my account since he doesn't own a smartphone himself. he pulled his engine from his car to work on it (he's an auto tech student) and had been without a car for a few days. luckily he was planning on getting a new ignition, he wasn't however planning on replacing a perfectly good window... but thanks for all the comments guys, i'll be sure to let him know about all the support!

Busted

By well SHIT - 27/02/2014 21:46 - United States - Little Elm

Today, while having a sneak through my brother's browser, I found a bookmark for a Google Docs file. It was a short story involving him horrifically killing our entire family. It ended with the words: "And that is what happens when people don't respect the author's privacy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 866

You deserved it 61 771

By Anonymous - 27/02/2014 14:34 - United States - Fort Collins

Today, I learned that no matter how much you want the Nutella, it's never a good idea to deep-throat the knife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 054

You deserved it 61 217

By IVOaf - 26/02/2014 20:55 - United States

Today, as I tried to get out of bed, I got my foot tangled in my sheets. I reached out to my dresser to avoid falling flat on my face. I didn't fall, but I did manage to smash my fingers in the drawer while still trapped in the sheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 569

You deserved it 4 870

By ashleylynn17 - 25/02/2014 21:59

Today, I was told I pull the "whole grunge look" off quite well. I don't dress "grunge", nor was that my intention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 484

You deserved it 5 421

By Anonymous - 25/02/2014 21:17 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, during class our teacher asked us, "Who is Uncle Sam?" A girl answered, "He's the guy who founded KFC, right?" I'm in an AP class and have to put up with these morons constantly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 081

You deserved it 4 559

By ThatGuyWithFMLs - 25/02/2014 09:31 - Japan - Osaka

Today, I threw an eraser at my brother to get his attention because he couldn't hear me over his music. Being in a bad mood, he thought I was trying to aggravate his bad mood and responded by throwing a small desk cactus back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 212

You deserved it 14 428

PattonGilette2 tells us more.

PattonGilette2 18

Tuesday 25 February 2014 19:01

Yeah, I was pretty surprised that with all the things on his desk, he saw the cactus as a way to put me in my place haha.

By OysterPearls - 25/02/2014 03:04 - United States - Carson

Today, I performed in a rendition of Jesus Christ Superstar at my school. When it came time for my big solo, a whopping two lines, I forgot the words, making for an awkward eight seconds of silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 642

You deserved it 9 722

OysterPearls tells us more.

OysterPearls 33

Tuesday 25 February 2014 17:40

Hi, OP here! We had two flawless performances before this one, and several rehearsals before that. So no, I was not unprepared in the least. I think the problem came from the lack of sleep I had before this specific performance, because; with my luck, I happened to catch a cold the night before. Thanks for the positive comments, I feel like posting this has helped me overcome the embarrassment by giving me the opportunity to laugh at my own plight! :)

By fuckmeitsgettingworse - 24/02/2014 19:36 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, my pregnant wife's parents called me at work, saying she'd been crying inconsolably and wouldn't say what was wrong. After pleading with my boss, I rushed home. Turns out there was an "ugly" sofa in a TV ad and she felt it was "picking on ugly sofas". FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 485

You deserved it 4 641