Smoking, Fight and Miscellaneous: Cassius

Cassius

By Noname - 11/03/2009 06:04 - United States

Today, I went on my porch for a late night cigarette. When I opened the door and took one step inside, all I remember is a big thud. I woke up 5 minutes later with my father over top of me saying, "Nice right hook, huh?" Then he chuckled. He thought I was a burglar and he knocked me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 457

You deserved it 9 476

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Same thing different taste

Occam's razor

By anonymous - 12/02/2011 05:48 - Canada

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 818

You deserved it 4 718

Stealth

By Andy - 18/11/2008 21:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I was having a smoke out on the balcony of my apartment. When I was walking back into the house, I walked straight into the large glass sliding door, loudly whacking it with my forehead, subsequently waking up my 2 other flatmates at 2.30am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 551

You deserved it 26 131

By Harry - 10/06/2014 01:56 - United States - Seattle

Today, I was walking in the street, and the next thing I know, I'm waking up in a hospital. According to witnesses, a guy came up and hit me over the head with a baseball bat. Apparently that's a thing that happens now. But it's okay, he had an excuse: he said he was drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 508

You deserved it 3 898

By Ouch - 10/04/2011 08:55 - Canada

Today, I went outside to smoke a cigarette. I had my headphones in and was blasting my music. It was also cold so I had my hood up. I had my back turned to the house and wasn't paying attention. My brother thought I was a burglar and tackled me to the concrete. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 902

You deserved it 30 728

By Anonymous - 11/01/2018 19:00

Today, I fell asleep on the couch and my boyfriend thought it would be cute to carry me to bed. He knocked my head on the door frame and I pretended it didn't hurt because he felt so bad, but I shouldn't have. I was rushed to the hospital hours later with a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 937

You deserved it 676

By BoomHeadshot - 02/05/2012 02:27 - Australia

Today, I was trying to sneak home from a party. Instead, I head-butted a glass door and woke my mother up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 631

You deserved it 32 852

Make it stop!

By DBR - 23/04/2009 10:45 - United States

Today, my alarm went off. I reached to swat it, missed, slipped, smacked my face on my dresser, and fell on the floor. As I picked myself up off the floor, I hit my head on the open top drawer of my other dresser. In 30 seconds of consciousness, I was attacked by two pieces of furniture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 899

You deserved it 11 471

By paulinapo - 30/05/2013 01:53 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I woke up in bed with a one-night stand. We got really drunk the night before so I went to make a hangover-cure breakfast. Apparently he was so drunk that he didn't remember me, and when he came to the kitchen, he knocked me out with a pan and called the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 338

You deserved it 9 837

By Chris - 03/04/2011 17:41 - United States

Today, I was awoken by my dad yelling into my ear. In shock, I jumped up off the couch, and came smashing down into the coffee table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 654

You deserved it 4 132

By Anonymous - 31/05/2012 19:03 - Canada

Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 629

You deserved it 34 438

Tarion 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 16:15

You have an awesome dad. Be proud of that. Be a little ashamed that he made you his bitch though.

Tri_fml 5

Wednesday 11 March 2009 16:13

Well at least you know your dad ain't a bitch :d

Comments

SilverBallet 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 23:18

OP, personally, I think it's funny that you criticize the people who you seem to have "fooled" when you can't even spell the word correctly. ^_^ I suppose that was on purpose, too, though. You're a clever one. Go claim your trophy--you must be so proud of yourself.

lolol182 4

Wednesday 11 March 2009 23:53

ooo sucks

crazyhobo 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 23:55

Ahh family fun...

wrestler_fml 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 0:30

Lol you are officially... his b*tch. At least your dad's a thug though. Be lucky that if a REAL burglar ever actually tries to rob your house, superdad will be there to knock him out cold! After you ice it, you should be able to sleep better at night. That's why you should spend more time working out and getting laid and doing manly things, and less time smoking cigarettes which do nothing but lower sex-drive and kill your lungs. Take that as a lesson from the Almighty. :P

foryoublue94 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 1:01

All I can really say is "lol"

dr_tom 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 1:07

serves you right for smoking...

Misanthropist 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 1:53

Thats one good reason to quit

fuzzishmunkiebut 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 2:02

#9 too soon for watchmen jokes, not enough people have seen the movie yet. #15 why would you sue your parents? that just seems dumb. #23 people have sued their parents over things like that. Last but not least, smoking is gross.