Smoking, Fight and Miscellaneous: Cassius

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Cassius

By Noname - 11/03/2009 06:04 - United States

Today, I went on my porch for a late night cigarette. When I opened the door and took one step inside, all I remember is a big thud. I woke up 5 minutes later with my father over top of me saying, "Nice right hook, huh?" Then he chuckled. He thought I was a burglar and he knocked me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 459

You deserved it 9 478

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Same thing different taste

Occam's razor

By anonymous - 12/02/2011 05:48 - Canada

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 829

You deserved it 4 721

Stealth

By Andy - 18/11/2008 21:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I was having a smoke out on the balcony of my apartment. When I was walking back into the house, I walked straight into the large glass sliding door, loudly whacking it with my forehead, subsequently waking up my 2 other flatmates at 2.30am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 553

You deserved it 26 137

By Harry - 10/06/2014 01:56 - United States - Seattle

Today, I was walking in the street, and the next thing I know, I'm waking up in a hospital. According to witnesses, a guy came up and hit me over the head with a baseball bat. Apparently that's a thing that happens now. But it's okay, he had an excuse: he said he was drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 514

You deserved it 3 899

Just corpsing

By Anonymous - 07/01/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I took a nap on my couch. I woke up three hours later to my neighbor knocking on my door, asking if I was OK because looking from the outside in, they thought I was dead. Guess I sleep like I’ve been hit by a truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 95

Smoke break

By Ouch - 10/04/2011 08:55 - Canada

Today, I went outside to smoke a cigarette. I had my headphones in and was blasting my music. It was also cold so I had my hood up. I had my back turned to the house and wasn't paying attention. My brother thought I was a burglar and tackled me to the concrete. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 911

You deserved it 30 736

By Anonymous - 11/01/2018 19:00

Today, I fell asleep on the couch and my boyfriend thought it would be cute to carry me to bed. He knocked my head on the door frame and I pretended it didn't hurt because he felt so bad, but I shouldn't have. I was rushed to the hospital hours later with a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 944

You deserved it 678

By BoomHeadshot - 02/05/2012 02:27 - Australia

Today, I was trying to sneak home from a party. Instead, I head-butted a glass door and woke my mother up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 636

You deserved it 32 866

Make it stop!

By DBR - 23/04/2009 10:45 - United States

Today, my alarm went off. I reached to swat it, missed, slipped, smacked my face on my dresser, and fell on the floor. As I picked myself up off the floor, I hit my head on the open top drawer of my other dresser. In 30 seconds of consciousness, I was attacked by two pieces of furniture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 902

You deserved it 11 478

By paulinapo - 30/05/2013 01:53 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I woke up in bed with a one-night stand. We got really drunk the night before so I went to make a hangover-cure breakfast. Apparently he was so drunk that he didn't remember me, and when he came to the kitchen, he knocked me out with a pan and called the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 359

You deserved it 9 840

By Chris - 03/04/2011 17:41 - United States

Today, I was awoken by my dad yelling into my ear. In shock, I jumped up off the couch, and came smashing down into the coffee table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 661

You deserved it 4 135

Tarion 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 16:15

You have an awesome dad. Be proud of that. Be a little ashamed that he made you his bitch though.

Tri_fml 5

Wednesday 11 March 2009 16:13

Well at least you know your dad ain't a bitch :d

Comments

abcdefgh_fml 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 19:55

Another reason why smoking is bad for you...

bradley5055 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 19:56

@19 calm down its funny ... plus lol, owned, and got knocked the f*** out are normal internet responses so if u dont like those responses read the newspaper @21 there joking of course no one would seriously sue their father over something so stupid lol thats actually really funny best FML of the day (did you get a black eye from it b/c that would be hilarious to have to explain at school/work)

sillypun 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 20:40

your dad just felt like knocking you out ever since you ruined his life some 19 or 20 odd years ago, since the fateful day your mother told him "I'm pregnant." F your Dad's life.

Kyzomo 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 21:12

LOL

This_Guy 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 21:17

Moral of the story: Don't smoke, otherwise your dad's gonna beat the living shit out of you.

Chihiroboy 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 21:29

Okay, actually. I am not a little bitch, my Father is not an asshole, and I am not going to sue him for something that did not happen. That's right, douche fags! I fooled you. I just thought it would be a funny FML post and I wanted to see if they would actually post it. So thanks!

raches 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 21:35

Um, okay, your "Father?" Sorry, kiddo, not capitalized, unless you are talking about God... Admittedly, I'm just thinking "Star Wars," although I guess if you're the one smoking, you'd have the messed up voice.....

popoman 0

Monday 10 August 2009 2:54

No, he got right-hooked by God, you idiot. **** you. Some people just aren't religious. It's not like he didn't capitalize the "g" in God. Nice FML, by the way.

Chihiroboy 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 21:37

Hahaha, Well, I wanted to capitalize it. You don't have to critisize me. And actually, my voice is fine, thanks. I expected a lot of little shitty kids being mad at me for making a fake post, so don't think you've "shaken me up".