Sex, Awkward and Intimacy: Choking hazard

Choking hazard

By notsexy - 09/05/2009 15:51 - United States

Today, I tried for the first time putting a condom on my boyfriend using my mouth. I freaked out, swallowed, and started choking on the condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 092

You deserved it 83 406

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Same thing different taste

Sexy time

By Anonymous - 30/07/2009 09:23 - United States

Today, I tried to be sexy and put a condom on with my mouth. Instead, I inhaled it and my boyfriend broke three of my ribs giving me the Heimlich maneuver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 512

You deserved it 59 433

Work on your skills

By banana - 26/02/2009 03:01 - United States

Today, I decided to practice putting a condom on with my mouth. Then my roommate walked in on me using my mouth to roll a condom onto a banana. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 928

You deserved it 74 573

By Anonymous - 18/02/2013 19:11 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 092

You deserved it 40 037

By flavored - 18/11/2013 15:26 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try flavored condoms. I guess I enjoyed them a little too much; I almost choked half to death on a strawberry cockcicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 212

You deserved it 19 457

By eeewww - 21/11/2018 03:13

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and he ejaculated without warning, shooting straight up my nostril. I accidentally snorted it, started choking, and then coughed it up in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 461

You deserved it 801

Jammed

By me - 05/01/2010 16:22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time. He was sucking on my boob, everything was going good. He suddenly stopped and started choking really bad. He thought milk was coming out. Turns out, it was just his gum. The moment was ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 455

You deserved it 3 761

By Rob - 06/06/2012 16:02 - United States - Neoga

Today, after having sex with my girlfriend, I jokingly held the condom above my mouth. Somehow, the condom busted, and everything went over my face. Worse still, we're now wondering just how safe this condom really was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 750

You deserved it 42 635

Close but no BJ

By nikkrissa_04 - 07/08/2009 11:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said, "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 675

You deserved it 12 201

By Anonymous - 24/08/2013 22:31 - Isle of Man - Douglas

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. As I started getting close to having my first ever orgasm, I got extremely short of breath and started hyperventilating. His reaction was to cover my mouth to shut me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 274

You deserved it 7 766

Quickshot

By anon - 31/08/2014 15:14 - United States

Today, while finally about to make love with my long-term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 408

You deserved it 6 030

jimmyweee 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 2:14

Ha, you swallowed the wrong thing.

BlackWolfVII 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 2:13

Should've practiced on a banana first. Girls. *Facepalm*

Comments

imthejuggernautt 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 2:17

haha at #8 you suck in more ways than one

Tonkatruckerboii 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 2:19

he shoulda just put it on by deep throating that shit. situation solvved

originaljosh 11

Sunday 15 February 2015 18:44

she probrably would've died

grlwitperlEring 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 2:19

practice makes well... better at least try a banana first next time

UncleverName_FYL 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 2:20

thats hot

twilovers 0

Sunday 28 June 2009 4:53

lmao ya thats pretty hawt.

TheNilvarg 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 2:21

Guess you should've waited until marriage.

SirJamin 4

Thursday 21 June 2012 22:13

What would that change?

lmfaoo_fml 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 2:22

How do you put a comdom by mouth?

christiebaby578 9

Friday 29 April 2011 0:34

are you like 12?

nolifefyl 1

Thursday 2 June 2011 7:52

fail

unlucky91 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 2:22

i hope you didn't try to use it after that... just saying

PierreChaqueJour 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 2:23

This is why you should only put condoms on with your hands, as they were designed.

3DGprodigy15 0

Wednesday 18 May 2011 4:53

exactly

bahahaha 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 2:23

dumbass.

awesomeperson 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 2:24

#15-you're an idiot

Keywords

Love Cheating Money Relatable Work Jealousy My ex Health Accident Medication ADHD Weather Snow Miscellaneous Embarrassing Awkward Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Fight

The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 23 116

You deserved it 2 300

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I agree, your life sucks 50 125

You deserved it 3 096

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I agree, your life sucks 5 610

You deserved it 542

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I agree, your life sucks 1 007

You deserved it 94

Today, I woke up at 4:30am because I forgot to turn my Blackberry off 'loud'. I woke up to find an email from my ex-boyfriend's crazy mother who had sent me pictures of her son's wedding that had happened over the weekend. I am still single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 605

You deserved it 4 541