Intimacy: Come again

Come again

By Anonymous - 09/07/2009 07:35

Today, I gave my boyfriend a spontaneous blowjob while we were watching TV. After he finished, I tried to pull a sexy move I'd seen in a porno by zipping his pants back up with my teeth. His foreskin got caught in the zipper and we spent the next few hours in the emergency room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 994

You deserved it 62 530

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 01/03/2011 17:32 - United States

Today, while getting it on with my boyfriend, I decided to be spontaneous and do something sexy. I started taking his underwear off with my teeth. My teeth dragged over his shaft, and my braces cut up his foreskin in the process. Now he's not talking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 761

You deserved it 62 035

By canucks_chick - 23/10/2011 05:45 - Canada

Today, I dislocated my jaw while giving my boyfriend a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 657

You deserved it 21 052

By pleasedie - 07/05/2015 18:00 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I took a shower with my boyfriend. I tried to be adventurous and went to give him a blowjob, only to end up slipping and head-butting him in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 035

You deserved it 6 802

By Anonymous - 16/03/2012 20:23 - Ireland

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 770

You deserved it 13 692

Sexy time

By Anonymous - 30/07/2009 09:23 - United States

Today, I tried to be sexy and put a condom on with my mouth. Instead, I inhaled it and my boyfriend broke three of my ribs giving me the Heimlich maneuver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 512

You deserved it 59 433

By kinkicali - 20/11/2012 08:43 - United States - Maple Valley

Today, trying to be kinky while giving my boyfriend a blow job, I whipped him with my ponytail. He was thrilled, until I accidentally head-butted his dick. He curled up into a ball and wouldn't let me touch him again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 498

You deserved it 36 511

By Darcy - 26/10/2011 06:58 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He passionately laid me down onto the bed, both of us fully naked. Pressing down on my shoulder, he ended up dislocating it. The pain made me pee myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 570

You deserved it 4 582

Kinky

By LaLa - 09/01/2012 05:01 - United States

Today, I was with my boyfriend, and we started to get a little kinky. He laid me down roughly on the bed, but I started to slide off, so I pulled myself up. In doing so, I managed to knee him in the nut-sack, causing him to puke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 784

You deserved it 7 879

By Dxxk Biter - 20/02/2018 06:00

Today, the first guy I tried to have sex with at university got his foreskin stuck in his zip and had to go to hospital for stitches. He told all his friends I did it on purpose with my teeth during a blowjob. I now have a reputation, so I guess I'm staying single for the next 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 217

You deserved it 727

FML Uncensored

By Anonymous - 15/08/2017 06:00

Today, me and my boyfriend had sex but stopped when I felt pain downstairs. That evening he wanted me to go to the emergency room but I wanted to sleep it off. Turned out I needed surgery. One of my fallopian tubes had ripped. The sex was so rough, I got an intravenous hemorrhage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 614

You deserved it 882

ultraslick 0

Thursday 9 July 2009 20:10

once the bj is done, you really don't need to do anything sexy. Or really anything at all, fall asleep on the floor if you want, we don't care.

mrfflrp 0

Thursday 9 July 2009 20:06

omg. more like f his life!

Comments

Yagamiii 0

Thursday 9 July 2009 20:51

llooooooooooooooooooooooollll

plexico 3

Thursday 9 July 2009 20:51

Circumcision. . . FTW. I prefer my ******** scheduled 48-72 hours in advance. I just hate it when my wife takes out her calendar and says, "I'll pencil you in!" I have to say, "You'd better mean one of those big, fat novelty pencils, bitch!"

Ohemilysaid 0

Thursday 9 July 2009 20:53

YDI for having a boyfriend who wasn't circumcised as a kid.

satanicminnow1 1

Friday 10 July 2009 3:27

YDI for having a boyfriend who wasn't mutilated as a child? You're retarded.

DeadMansCrack 4

Friday 10 July 2009 3:53

#28's comment was ridiculous, but seriously, circumcision does not count as mutilation. @ OP--not too smart.

kcslgvr 11

Friday 10 July 2009 20:30

don't you think that her criteria for a boyfriend should involve a bit more than "needs circumcised penis"? that was a really stupid comment.

Waabishkii_ikwe 0

Saturday 11 July 2009 20:17

Circumcision definitely DOES count as mutilation. You're chopping off part of a little boy's dick, for pete's sake. It would be mutilation if you removed the clitoral hood and labia of a female infant, would it not?

Shenannigoats 16

Saturday 7 April 2012 3:28

What's wrong with being uncircumcised? As long as you keep it clean I really don't see any problem.

mouseintern 0

Thursday 9 July 2009 20:56

"Today, my girlfriend gave me a spontaneous *******. That was just great, right up until the end when she decided to get fancy and tried to zip my zipper up with her teeth. We wound up in the emergency room, and I was the one bleeding. FML."