Intimacy: Come again

Come again

By Anonymous - 09/07/2009 07:35

Today, I gave my boyfriend a spontaneous blowjob while we were watching TV. After he finished, I tried to pull a sexy move I'd seen in a porno by zipping his pants back up with my teeth. His foreskin got caught in the zipper and we spent the next few hours in the emergency room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 994

You deserved it 62 530

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 01/03/2011 17:32 - United States

Today, while getting it on with my boyfriend, I decided to be spontaneous and do something sexy. I started taking his underwear off with my teeth. My teeth dragged over his shaft, and my braces cut up his foreskin in the process. Now he's not talking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 761

You deserved it 62 035

By canucks_chick - 23/10/2011 05:45 - Canada

Today, I dislocated my jaw while giving my boyfriend a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 657

You deserved it 21 052

By pleasedie - 07/05/2015 18:00 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I took a shower with my boyfriend. I tried to be adventurous and went to give him a blowjob, only to end up slipping and head-butting him in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 035

You deserved it 6 802

By Anonymous - 16/03/2012 20:23 - Ireland

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 770

You deserved it 13 692

Sexy time

By Anonymous - 30/07/2009 09:23 - United States

Today, I tried to be sexy and put a condom on with my mouth. Instead, I inhaled it and my boyfriend broke three of my ribs giving me the Heimlich maneuver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 512

You deserved it 59 433

By kinkicali - 20/11/2012 08:43 - United States - Maple Valley

Today, trying to be kinky while giving my boyfriend a blow job, I whipped him with my ponytail. He was thrilled, until I accidentally head-butted his dick. He curled up into a ball and wouldn't let me touch him again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 498

You deserved it 36 511

By Darcy - 26/10/2011 06:58 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He passionately laid me down onto the bed, both of us fully naked. Pressing down on my shoulder, he ended up dislocating it. The pain made me pee myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 570

You deserved it 4 582

Kinky

By LaLa - 09/01/2012 05:01 - United States

Today, I was with my boyfriend, and we started to get a little kinky. He laid me down roughly on the bed, but I started to slide off, so I pulled myself up. In doing so, I managed to knee him in the nut-sack, causing him to puke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 784

You deserved it 7 879

By Dxxk Biter - 20/02/2018 06:00

Today, the first guy I tried to have sex with at university got his foreskin stuck in his zip and had to go to hospital for stitches. He told all his friends I did it on purpose with my teeth during a blowjob. I now have a reputation, so I guess I'm staying single for the next 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 217

You deserved it 727

FML Uncensored

By Anonymous - 15/08/2017 06:00

Today, me and my boyfriend had sex but stopped when I felt pain downstairs. That evening he wanted me to go to the emergency room but I wanted to sleep it off. Turned out I needed surgery. One of my fallopian tubes had ripped. The sex was so rough, I got an intravenous hemorrhage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 614

You deserved it 882

ultraslick 0

Thursday 9 July 2009 20:10

once the bj is done, you really don't need to do anything sexy. Or really anything at all, fall asleep on the floor if you want, we don't care.

mrfflrp 0

Thursday 9 July 2009 20:06

omg. more like f his life!

Comments

DrAwesome 6

Friday 10 July 2009 2:06

Wait, you mean you hadn't practiced first!? Geez, that's dangerous. F his life, and no one deserved it. That must have been an unimaginable amount of pain... I'm wincing just thinking about it.

kewlz323 0

Friday 10 July 2009 2:24

yeah more like **** his life not yours.

guitardedman 0

Friday 10 July 2009 2:42

props to being a sweet girlfriend and blowing him randomly, but god damn i'd say both of your lives are kinda ******. mostly his, you might deserve this, but he doesnt

Bokusui 0

Friday 10 July 2009 2:53

Should have probably practice first before doing it. =]

Tsukasa_fml 0

Friday 10 July 2009 2:55

It's a nice idea, but yeah, be careful! O.o

GDinNJ 0

Friday 10 July 2009 3:33

A sincere question, why is it disgusting for women to NOT shave down there, but guys can have foreskin and people who suggest that it's disgusting are basically attacked? I happen to have no sexual experiences, so I can't say which I would prefer, I just can't help but wonder. After all, pubic hair serves a purpose as well. And don't attack me and call me a feminist (no offense to any feminists out there). It's just a question.

satanicminnow1 1

Friday 10 July 2009 3:47

Ok guys, on circumcision: If you let it be the persons choice (not at birth, they must be able to consent) then it is fine. However, forcing it on them at birth is just wrong. /We don't let babies get cosmetic surgery (tattoos, implants etc) so why is circumcision ok? //If part of me is gunna be cut off it is my choice.