Sex, Poopoo peepee, Awkward and Intimacy: Dodged a bullet

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Dodged a bullet

By CC. - 11/10/2011 14:51 - Sweden

Today, I met an old friend, with whom I have a complicated history and we hooked up. He came before we even started. In his sleep, he pushed me out of the bed. When I woke up, he had peed himself in his sleep. Glad I let that ship sail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 904

You deserved it 25 065

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 13/10/2010 02:09 - United States

Today, I tried to put my friend's hand in lukewarm water while he was sleeping, to see if he'd pee himself. He woke up and punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 395

You deserved it 66 473

Completely wet

By Anonymous - 27/02/2020 20:00

Today, I was drinking too much and I have to pee constantly, so I went to bed without my girlfriend. Hours later she woke me up wanting sex, but she realized that I pissed the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 745

You deserved it 2 057

By Anonymous - 18/10/2009 11:15 - United States

Today, after sleeping with a guy I met at a party, I woke up to find him peeing in the corner of my room on my roommate's carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 591

You deserved it 24 352

How romantic

By SmokedSalmon - 13/02/2009 00:54 - United States

Today, I woke up next to a slumbering girl I had just met the night before. She had all the covers on top of her and I was cold. Not only was I cold, but the sheets were really cold. So I got up and realized she'd peed a drunken night's worth of beer all over my sheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 248

You deserved it 43 594

By niabby - 20/02/2009 23:13 - United States

Today, I was riding the train and fell asleep. A friend of mine got on a few stops later, and to be funny, shouted 'BOO!'. I woke up and was so startled I peed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 465

You deserved it 6 866

By Anonymous - 28/08/2019 00:01 - Australia - Darwin

Today, I woke up in the shower at my coworker's house, with my clothes on and soaking wet. Apparently, the night before I drank too much and punched my best friend. The sad part is, I passed out on the couch, but somehow ended up in the shower, facing the wrong way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 571

You deserved it 1 899

Giving

By nt121511 - 03/08/2016 22:40

Today, I woke up after a long night of taking care of my drunken husband. I guess I should feel lucky I don't have a generic, "He wet the bed in his sleep" story, and instead have a unique, "He got out of bed and peed on me" story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 144

You deserved it 1 156

Awkward

By Nikki - 18/03/2009 03:15 - United States

Today, I woke up, completely naked, in bed with a guy I met the night before. We were both drunk the night before and I had agreed to go home with him. The reason I woke up was that someone was knocking on his bedroom door. Turns out he lives with his mom and she made us pancakes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 192

You deserved it 91 590

By Fark - 27/05/2010 22:50 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a dream I was going the bathroom. I then woke up peeing, but I didn’t wet the bed yet. As I ran to the bathroom while half asleep and in the dark, I rammed into the wall. On my way back to bed, I tripped and accidentally slapped my fiancé in an effort to stop myself from falling over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 332

You deserved it 4 966

By Anonymous - 29/01/2019 16:00

Today, I am now sleeping on the floor because my friend got super drunk at a small party then peed herself in her sleep. I was sleeping beside her and my clothes smell like pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 167

You deserved it 239

Joey44 15

Tuesday 11 October 2011 18:57

Yeah, it really is a good thing you let that ship sail and didn't hook up with him again... oh wait.

windfuelsfire 10

Tuesday 11 October 2011 18:57

In a nutshell, he jizzed in his pants, rolled you off the bed and then marked you as his territory

Comments

jdengel 0

Tuesday 11 October 2011 21:42

just be glad there is no chance of being pregnant

perdix 29

Tuesday 11 October 2011 21:43

Friends with shitty benefits. Sounds like the optical plan around here.

hannahcorrine 0

Tuesday 11 October 2011 21:46

Keeper

bubo_fml 10

Tuesday 11 October 2011 22:00

U should leave your little brother alone...

aPieceOfFruit 16

Tuesday 11 October 2011 22:38

at least he didn't triple himself. yet.

HomeAl0ne 20

Tuesday 11 October 2011 23:12

And yet, right at this moment in a pub somewhere in Stockholm, is a guy recounting how he "totally nailed her" to his mates. Three of them are rolling their eyes behind his back and noticing a faint whiff of urine, but one is hanging off every word.