Poopoo peepee and Health: Geyser

Geyser

By awhmaaan - 27/02/2012 15:55 - United Kingdom

Today, after suffering with bad constipation and having to eat special bread to get me to go, I have practically just pooped out a week's worth of food in 15 minutes, and I'm still going. I've passed the ring of fire stage, now I just can't feel my asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 070

You deserved it 5 821

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Same thing different taste

By Numbass123 - 04/05/2014 17:17 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 450

You deserved it 11 656

Plumbing issues

By Anonymous - 27/08/2021 04:01 - Denmark - Viby

Today, I'm constipated AND having diarrhea at the same time. It feels like I'm going to explode. FML

I agree, your life sucks 820

You deserved it 75

By Anonymous - 14/05/2012 03:14 - United States

Today, after 4 days of constipation, I finally pooped. Sadly, I was not on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 790

You deserved it 3 069

You need more fiber

By Anonymous - 30/04/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, I finally got over having constipation for two days straight. It came in the form of a normal-sized, rock-hard turd that made me scream "Ow!" when it came out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 414

You deserved it 111

By Anonymous - 26/10/2015 04:42

Today, after finishing a bottle and a half of pure cranberry juice to flush my bladder for a possible infection, I've been spewing liquid shits all day, my asshole burns and it hurts to sit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 546

You deserved it 5 753

Ring of fire

By Anonymous - 26/03/2023 12:00 - United States - Ardmore

Today, I have a bad case of diarrhea. The worst part isn’t even sharting in bed while sleeping naked. It’s the severe asshole pain from having to wipe my ass twenty times in twelve hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 720

You deserved it 156

Two speeds

By Anonymous - 03/09/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, I've realized that I have two modes: Constipated, or ultra explosive diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 433

You deserved it 66

By fulloshit - 28/11/2010 02:17 - United States

Today, I woke up with extreme stomach pains. After being rushed to the hospital and having numerous tests performed, I was told my intestines were over-stretched with stool. I'm essentially so full of shit it hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 071

You deserved it 4 598

By Anonymous - 21/01/2015 04:29 - United States - Bentonville

Today, thinking he was being so hilarious, my friend slipped me enough laxatives to make a horse shit its intestines out. I haven't been able to move from the toilet for over an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 002

You deserved it 2 891

Leaked internals

By Poopy pants - 12/06/2023 12:00

Today, my anus has given up the ghost. Now if I vomit, have a violent coughing fit, or orgasm too intensely, I will shit myself. Even if I have absolutely no gas or need to go. I'm scared to leave the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 878

You deserved it 135

Weezay 5

Monday 27 February 2012 18:52

Lmfao!

Vulpes21 6

Monday 27 February 2012 18:54

Did you finish before posting this. Or are you like a war correspondent on the front lines?

Comments

babygirllove 0

Tuesday 28 February 2012 1:26

Gross

2cute4u_18 1

Tuesday 28 February 2012 1:31

Lmao

gracehi 31

Tuesday 28 February 2012 1:43

You went poopy! Yaaaaaaaaay!!!

Gimboo 0

Tuesday 28 February 2012 1:50

--LMFAO!!!!!!

haZzbin 0

Tuesday 28 February 2012 1:58

Thats why you don't eat burritos I you can't handle them

jsprackman 11

Tuesday 28 February 2012 1:59

I rofled so hard at the ring of fire thing haha

fudgeimout 2

Tuesday 28 February 2012 2:07

Looks like you're full of shit, OP.

kmikelg 1

Tuesday 28 February 2012 2:07

This is a bill engvall joke why dont you not steal jokes and post something real.

MargieDrury 1

Tuesday 28 February 2012 2:23

Not to be awkward I have an app for different type of poops it's funny. Js.

Taymah49 7

Tuesday 28 February 2012 2:24

Well, now you know what to eat to detox your system.

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to mix it up and find a good place outdoors to have fun. After an hour of climbing up a rocky mountainside to a completely isolated clearing, out of the way of any hiking path, he was still so paranoid that he finished within 20 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 462

You deserved it 2 166

Today, I was trying to keep myself occupied due to my recent breakup. I was reading this book someone gave me about animal communication, so after a while, I figured I'd give it a shot. Then it dawned on me; I'm single, at home on a Friday night, and I'm trying to talk to my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 810

You deserved it 7 174

The Top

Today, I’ve been suffering with a fever of 104° as well as an ear and sinus infection. I asked my mom and sister if they could get me meds and fluids from the store. I sent them money through my bank app for the supplies. They took my money and went to lunch instead. I’m still sick as a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 773

You deserved it 184

Today, my husband has shown more love and affection to our new kitten in the last week than he has to me. That cat sits on his lap more than I do. I’m a 26 year-old woman, I have needs, dammit. The cat is literally sitting on and blocking access to what I want most on a Friday night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 997

You deserved it 497

Today, I threw a surprise birthday party for my 3 year old. There was music, snacks and lots of toys. My 3 year old is a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 046

You deserved it 50 598

Today, while driving, I made a fake phone call with my fake boyfriend, making him sound amazing to my friends who were in the car with me. Until the red and blue flashing lights pulled up behind us. My fake boyfriend cost me $160 in real fines. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 970

You deserved it 66 597

Today, I took unpaid leave for a month to work as a temp at a charity organisation, assuming it was paid due to the great benefits mentioned. During my placement, I noticed clues it was voluntary but it didn't register. At the end, I discovered it was unpaid. I get to do voluntary work for a whole month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 751

Today, I'm worried my mother might have the early onset of senility. She started making gumbo, only to lose the plot halfway through, and then began throwing in the ingredients for chili. The result was an inedible mess, and she insisted we've had this for years. Then she tasted it, and yelled, "What the hell is this?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 543

You deserved it 81