Intimacy: Hot and… greasy - FML

Hot and… greasy

By cortanaisahobot - 19/07/2012 20:29 - Canada - Toronto

Spicy

Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to spice up our sex life. He suggested incorporating bacon. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 655

You deserved it 6 224

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 02/06/2012 10:24 - United Kingdom - Northampton

Spicy

Today, I said to my boyfriend that he makes the same noises when he smells bacon as he does when we have sex. Now everytime we have sex, he whispers "Bacon..." in my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 250

You deserved it 32 739

By ch4nny - 29/08/2014 01:47 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my boyfriend was stroking my stomach and looking into my eyes. It was very romantic, until he grabbed my love handles and said, "Mmmm... bacon..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 255

You deserved it 5 688

And they say romance is dead…

By BaconBreathBlonde - 30/10/2009 00:33 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out, holding hands, and he was playing with a strand of my hair. I thought the whole thing was very romantic. He then said he loved how my mouth tasted like bacon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 042

You deserved it 7 731

Kinky

By Anonymous - 11/08/2022 22:00

Spicy

Today, my husband asked if we could try food play during sex. I okayed it, thinking it would be the standard squirty cream or chocolate sauce. Let’s just say I was not expecting him to be eating crispy bacon and blue cheese sauce off my boobs. Good Lord, I married a weirdo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 205

You deserved it 532

By fuck no - 22/08/2015 10:18 - India - Kollam

Spicy

Today, my husband wanted to use bacon grease as lube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 244

You deserved it 8 029

By confused - 28/09/2011 04:55 - Australia

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me that having sex with me was as good as eating crispy bacon. I don't know if I should feel complimented. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 218

You deserved it 8 725

Dad jokes

By phoenix101 - 16/05/2011 05:40

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend asked if we could spice up our sex life. She didn't think it was too funny when I laid out all of our spices on the bed. She now refuses to have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 019

You deserved it 67 202

By JK - 01/02/2010 00:24 - United States

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he'd like to dress me in a squirrel suit and chase me through the forest. This was the surprising result of a discussion on how to spice up our love life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 966

You deserved it 4 730

That kidnapped kink

By georgiahick - 30/12/2010 14:09

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend asked me to 'spice things up in the bedroom'. When I asked how, he said I could try wearing a paper bag over my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 829

You deserved it 6 108

By sissydlk - 02/12/2010 15:54 - United States

Spicy

Today, my wonderful boyfriend asked me if I wanted him to cook me scrambled eggs with sausage for breakfast. When I said yes, he pulled out his junk, and started shaking it violently in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 279

You deserved it 10 376

Next

Top comments

XtraEzeee 8

Friday 20 July 2012 1:17

Of course he's serious. Bacon is no laughing matter.

mike14991499 9

Friday 20 July 2012 1:16

You can't ruin sex with bacon, right?

Comments

LaBooskie 1

Friday 20 July 2012 1:24

Wow, My bf said, the very samething to me a year ago. I learned that you don't joke about Bacon with men. Lol

greenie213 23

Friday 20 July 2012 1:24

Bacon makes everything better.

greenie213 23

Friday 20 July 2012 1:27

Damn! Someone beat me to it!

laden_swallow09 34

Friday 20 July 2012 2:44

Don't get upset. It's worth saying twice.

tehcyberman 9

Friday 20 July 2012 1:24

You can never go wrong with bacon.

admaspaz17 4

Friday 20 July 2012 1:27

That's hilarious!!! :)

DocBastard 38

Friday 20 July 2012 1:28

So when he said he wants to pork you, he was serious.

dude1122332 9

Friday 20 July 2012 7:04

You get me so hot and greasy.

SqueakyChipmunk 21

Friday 20 July 2012 22:43

Squeal for me, baby. Oh god, that was horrible.

emmaweeee 0

Friday 20 July 2012 1:28

There's nothing wrong with that combination, bacon is orgasmic eating it on its own, but throwing sex into the mix would only heighten that pleasurable experience

Alphakhiash 13

Friday 20 July 2012 1:29

I don't see the FML.

Sandsh8rk 36

Friday 20 July 2012 1:29

Sounds like a pretty good idea to me...

dude1122332 9

Friday 20 July 2012 1:31

If that isn't love, I don't know what is.

ironheart98 14

Friday 20 July 2012 1:32

bacon is awesome and goes with everything

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The Top

Today, during dinner, my mom told my dad and me in great detail about the "awesome" new cosmetic surgery idea she just had: constructing earlobes for lobeless ears, using skin taken from women's labia. I was forced to sit through this until I finished my plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 356

You deserved it 4 298

Today, I've spent nearly three weeks indulging my boyfriend's weird fetish, where he wears a hockey mask and I call him Jason. He just confessed it isn't really a fetish for him and that was just fucking with me. He's already told all his friends. I'm humiliated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 245

You deserved it 4 766

The Top

Today, I bought $3 hair ties. I then spent the night at the emergency vet after my kitten managed to open the drawer and eat them. So today, I actually bought $1003 hair ties. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 831

You deserved it 309

Today, whilst on a date I recieved my sixth missed call from my mother. I excused myself and went outside and called her, she and my father wanted to know why I was having dinner and holding hands with another man. It turns out they were also on a date. At the same place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 337

You deserved it 12 071

Today, at three in the morning, I rolled out of bed in my sleep, landing butt-first into my trash can and scraping my arm on my bedside table. I cleaned up the mess I'd made and tried to stop my arm from bleeding. During which, my dad banged on the door and told me to keep it down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 557

You deserved it 216

Today, I borrowed a van to move some of my furniture. I wasn't used to the brakes so when I stopped at a red light, I pretty much ended up in the crosswalk. Suddenly, I heard a loud thud at the side of the van. I turned to see what idiot would walk into a van. It was a blind man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 803

You deserved it 52 286

Today, as a going away present after five years of military service and one combat tour, the hospital scheduled me for a prostate exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 040

You deserved it 4 005

Today, while living in Florida, I had a conversation with my mother explaining that it might be best for me to come back home. Her response, "Don't worry, they have plenty of homeless shelters down there if you need a place to stay." Thanks Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 895

You deserved it 3 735