Health, Sex, Birthday, Awkward and Intimacy: How romantic

How romantic

By fishtacos - 01/12/2014 03:32 - United States - Fontana

Today, my boyfriend bought me some feminine cleansing wipes for my birthday so I could, "get the hoo-ha spick-and-span." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 171

You deserved it 6 761

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Same thing different taste

Charmer

By anonymous - 19/09/2010 00:15 - United States

Today, I bought a new pack of "feminine wipes" on my way over to my boyfriend's house after a long day of work. He saw them in my purse and sweetly told me I shouldn't be so self conscious. Later on, when he was going down on me, he said, "I take back what I said earlier." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 455

You deserved it 9 155

By same - 21/11/2015 06:39 - United States - Palo Alto

Today, my boyfriend decided to gift me soap, a razor, and deodorant for my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 800

You deserved it 6 878

By amber - 19/04/2012 18:00 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, my boyfriend gave me acne cream for my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 737

You deserved it 4 783

By random123 - 29/11/2009 05:16 - United States

Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend was kind enough to give me prescription strength deodorant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 162

You deserved it 7 760

How's about you go **** yourself, knobhead?

By Anonymous - 26/07/2023 06:00

Today, my boyfriend of four years told me that I have a potty mouth and that I should clean it with Harpic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 496

You deserved it 321

By "BunnysKitty" - 15/09/2017 23:15

Today, per my boyfriend's request, I bought some lingerie. He got so excited when he saw me, he ripped it off me right away. After we were done he used it to clean up. I essentially bought a $40 cum rag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 059

You deserved it 893

By Derp McShitstain - 16/09/2012 19:48 - United Kingdom - Saint Helens

Today, I was shopping with my boyfriend, when he suggested that I might want to buy a new loofah. When I asked why, he admitted he's been using it to scrub his ass crack for weeks. I use that loofah to wash my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 721

You deserved it 2 774

PMS

By tamp - 22/06/2009 07:47 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I took a late night drive, and after a while he stopped at a gas station and asked if I wanted anything. I replied, "Guess." He came out and gave me a box of tampons. Apparently, I've been bitchy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 540

You deserved it 71 196

Ice age

By Drew - 16/01/2022 16:59

Today, my girlfriend was thoughtful enough to buy me some "Dude Wipes" because I work on construction sites and most of the time it's use a Porta Potty or hold it. I was late and decided I'd use the work potty. Grabbed my wipes, did my business., went to wipe and… FROZEN SOLID! Hell of a way to start my day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 023

You deserved it 156

By Deaf Dumb & Blonde - 01/09/2016 21:17 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I told my boyfriend I wanted to feel special even if for just one day. He said he would do the laundry for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 533

You deserved it 2 213

eyebrowzzz 21

Monday 1 December 2014 11:06

Buy him XS condoms for Christmas and say "they were all out of S but these probably fit you better" ;)

Raxal 21

Monday 1 December 2014 11:00

One can only wonder what he'll buy you for Christmas...

Comments

liza1922 7

Monday 1 December 2014 20:03

if you smell that bad you should get checked out by your doctor

Joestarry 8

Monday 1 December 2014 21:45

That's a fantastic gift nobody wants ****** that smells like an asshole

skyeyez9 24

Monday 1 December 2014 21:54

Buy him a ball scratcher or something equally ridiculous for his birthday.

wilber245 16

Monday 1 December 2014 22:41

Next time he want to have sex, say my Hoo-Haa isnt spit and spank

Fas4wd 13

Monday 1 December 2014 22:57

LOL!!!!!

TreeWizard 6

Monday 1 December 2014 23:37

I think it's just a bad and straight forward way of saying " I'm not going down on that till u clean out the blue cheese...."

Kielnmsoftly 26

Tuesday 2 December 2014 0:47

I voted yes for this one to get published ?

ofwgkta_laceup 11

Tuesday 2 December 2014 1:38

I think that's a sign.

Mandybruin 15

Tuesday 2 December 2014 1:48

For sexy time? :)

captainsmegma 12

Tuesday 2 December 2014 3:13

Your twatath stinkus.

Keywords

Miscellaneous Embarrassing Awkward Sleep Work Love Dating Am I overreacting? Annoying Health Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Public freakouts Fight Neighbours Cops Drugs Relatable Medication Dogs Animals Teenagers Ironic Video games Gamers Zoom

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I agree, your life sucks 11

You deserved it 21

Today, I tried to talk to my teenage son about healthy masculinity. He said, "Yeah Mom, I know. Lift weights and eat red meat and fish. Can I go?" Not what I meant at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 241

You deserved it 355

The Top

Today, I woke up from celebrating my 29th birthday. I guess it's true that tolerance drops quickly as you age, because I stayed in and only drank a few beers with my husband and spent the entire day retching so hard I puked up blood. My partying days are definitely over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 462

You deserved it 415

Today, I went to a petting zoo to take pictures. I look down to see a goat chewing the sleeve of my new sweater, so as I reached down to get it loose, it started eating my hair. People took pictures of me wrestling the goat before they helped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 080

You deserved it 3 820

Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our anniversary at the park. I was watching him play around with the wood chips on the ground and thought I saw him making a heart being romantic, so I got on top of the playground to look. Turns out it was the balls of a giant penis, complete with pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 889

You deserved it 4 134

Today, I walked in on my husband putting my anti-wrinkle cream on his balls. He said, "I thought it'd help." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 679

You deserved it 5 540

Today, I woke up from a sexy dream about my boyfriend. Too bad I'd fallen asleep in my living room with my whole family over, grandma included. They were all staring. I'd been sleep humping and moaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 191

You deserved it 6 723

Today, during a sleepover at my friend's house, I woke up in the middle of the night with a dire need to pee. As I walked in the dark to the bathroom, I saw a silhouette in a doorway and instictively screamed. Turns out it was my friend's sister's One Direction cutout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 619

You deserved it 4 941