Sex, Relatable, Awkward and Intimacy: I've got the hots for you

I've got the hots for you

By Jarman - 26/07/2012 05:39 - United States - Columbus

Today, I had to turn down an offer of what seemed like some sexy time with a cute girl because my intestines were bursting with an intense desire to unleash molten lava. I rushed home to squat down, only to let out a disappointingly small piece of crud and a tiny fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 136

You deserved it 5 911

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Same thing different taste

Gross out competition

By shattysituation - 31/12/2012 22:36 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 416

You deserved it 4 054

Leaked

By Morgan Bailey - 18/09/2018 14:00

Today, I tried to let out a small fart in a crowded restaurant. I had diarrhea. I walked past several families to get to the bathroom and clean myself up, only to still go home with a huge wet spot down my ass. My shirt wasn't long enough to hide it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 742

You deserved it 893

Hear this?

By soundslikeadumbcommentersituation - 11/07/2014 20:34 - Canada - Brampton

Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 844

You deserved it 6 932

By Anonymous - 08/06/2014 02:34 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I went to the restroom to pee. A loud fart exploded out of my ass and echoed in the toilet bowl. I could practically feel my face on fire when I saw the horrified look on a little girl's face as I walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 076

You deserved it 6 687

By Anonymous - 27/01/2013 06:03 - United States - Demorest

Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and had to run to the bathroom to evacuate my bowels. She heard the horrible sounds, and I doubt I'll ever be able to seduce her again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 041

You deserved it 3 908

Symphony

By Anonymous - 06/05/2009 19:17 - United States

Today, I had some pretty bad stomach pain, so I went to the bathroom. After a few minutes, two girls walked in, taking stalls next to me. That's when my farts began to get very large and explosive. Not only did they break into laughter, they waited for me to come out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 485

You deserved it 5 202

By Anonymous - 19/11/2017 06:00

Today, in the middle of sex, I was desperate for a fart but tried to hold it in so we weren't forced to stop halfway. Unfortunately, I accidentally let the fart escape, along with runny diarrhea all over my husbands legs and groin. The smell caused him to vomit all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 523

You deserved it 2 829

Like a dog

By Jick - 26/02/2023 14:00

Today, I was outside when I was suddenly overcome by an intense need to shit. The back door was locked, so I tried to run to the front, but couldn't make it. As I squatted in the bushes, my girlfriend came home unexpectedly. She screamed and called me a sick, disgusting freak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 771

You deserved it 294

Time to flee the crime scene

By Anonymous - 22/10/2022 10:00

Today, my date from the night before let me stay behind when he had left for work. While relaxing, I figured I'd be fine to let a little fart out. Unbeknownst to me, not eating enough food over the past few days turned the contents of my bowels to liquid. I sharted on their bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 371

You deserved it 869

Leftovers

By Well Shit - 16/08/2023 21:00 - United Kingdom - Rickmansworth

Today, I had a really big, satisfying shit in the loo of a pub several miles from home. After getting back to my table, my stomach rumbled, and, assuming it was just gas, I let it go. What followed was approximately a litre of brown water, soaking my underwear, jeans, and chair, and dribbling onto the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 833

You deserved it 418

tnttse 6

Thursday 26 July 2012 16:06

Cockblocked by your shit. Classic.

CessOMG 3

Thursday 26 July 2012 16:06

I freaking hate it when that happens. FYL.

Comments

katiebrynn 2

Friday 27 July 2012 7:24

Yuck haha:)

derfMcCallen 5

Friday 27 July 2012 7:43

So asking for a blumpkin was out of the question? Sorry OP that sucks!

18ieronimo 4

Friday 27 July 2012 8:11

Retrace your footsteps to her

petshark 4

Friday 27 July 2012 8:31

HAAAAAHAAAHH

vikas_gpmce 2

Friday 27 July 2012 10:27

Nice use of words... Too funny...

fleur_de_fevrier_fml 22

Friday 27 July 2012 10:36

And there goes my breakfast of brown bread and blackcurrant juice...

theladysman 1

Friday 27 July 2012 12:04

who gives a **** about your shit habbits if you had game you would have had the pussy waiting ob you

bojangles2015 4

Saturday 28 July 2012 6:14

You deserve it just for saying "sexy time."

urbanimpression 6

Saturday 28 July 2012 11:50

Haha! Awesome!

noisebox 1

Sunday 29 July 2012 17:14

Too much info, ( butt) lesson learned....

Keywords

Gross Miscellaneous Insects Cute Neighbours Kids Proposal Awkward Love Delivery Health Hair Amazon Relatable Scary Allergies Animals Dogs Babysitter Skincare Emergency Doctor Hospital AITA Vacation Engagement ring Facebook Social Media Money Scams

The Top

Today, I was in the "getting to know you" phase of dating a guy I recently met. We were talking about our families and I mentioned my dad died when I was young. He blurted out, “So, we get to have some of that kinky daddy issue sex then, huh?” I’m not sure if he was joking or not but still… FML

I agree, your life sucks 482

You deserved it 112

Today, my boyfriend and I made love for the first time. Before we left his house so he could walk me home, I fixed my hair by the hall mirror and joked about having serious sex hair. My boyfriend quickly reminded me that his incredibly religious mother was in the next room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 109

You deserved it 37 403

The Top

Today, I paid my daughter a surprise visit, only to see her husband beating her. I charged in and slammed him into the wall. She screamed at me to stop. They'd recently gotten into martial arts and were sparring, and now he's got a broken arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 496

You deserved it 285

Today, my mother-in-law and I were having a lovely chat about my partner, until she asked me if he was good in bed and started saying things like "I've seen it, great length. I'm jealous." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 809

You deserved it 654

Today, I was supposed to train a new hire, grateful to finally have someone else here with me on my shift. He didn't show up. I found out later that his mother didn't want him working here because she thinks he's too smart for this job. I found him working at the McDonald's a few blocks away. We pay more than they do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 486

You deserved it 80

Today, I had to submit references so my anatomy/physiology teacher might acknowledge that tetanus is not the same as muscle cramps, and correct the lesson that's been in place for six years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 142

You deserved it 95

Today, while having sex on the couch with my single neighbour, a beam in the couch broke. Not even slightly fazed, she said, "It's okay, my husband can fix it." Husband? FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 910

You deserved it 8 680

Today, my girlfriend likes playing games on her phone more than she likes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 375

You deserved it 125

Same thing different taste

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