Intimacy: Nice!

Nice!

By BigPurplePresent - 28/07/2009 13:34 - South Africa

Today, I was really upset after work, so I tearfully asked my boyfriend to bring something over to cheer me up when he visited later. An hour or so later he arrived, having bought me a brand new large purple dildo to "brighten my mood." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 073

You deserved it 18 141

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

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Same thing different taste

By csgocockblock - 27/07/2016 17:26 - United States - Jenks

Today, when I got home from work I was pretty "in the mood" so I put on some cute undies and a tank top and went to get my boyfriends attention, he was so into his new computer game all I got was a half smile and a pat on the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 447

You deserved it 2 727

By -___- - 29/09/2013 19:46 - United States - Winfield

Today, I sent my boyfriend a text asking him to come over a little later and have some "fun" with me. He texted back, "WTF babe? Breaking Bad's on tonight. You got a dildo, fucking use it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 782

You deserved it 27 696

By Anonymous - 23/03/2013 15:21 - Norway - Trondheim

Today, I went to the airport after saying goodbye to my, for some reason, giggling boyfriend. I learnt why he was so cheerful when I opened my purse in front of the guards, only to find pink-furry handcuffs, and a huge dildo. They pretended not to know what it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 354

You deserved it 6 839

Snuggle up

By addictedtofml - 24/02/2009 07:31 - United States

Today, I called my boyfriend crying to tell him I had the most terrible day. He said I should come over, and he would make me feel better. I said I just want to snuggle, and I was impressed with his sincerity. Then he said, "Can we snuggle... with my dick in you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 812

You deserved it 19 982

Good one

By Anonymous - 16/12/2012 00:06 - United Kingdom - London

Today, on the way out to buy groceries, my boyfriend asked if I'd like him to buy some of my favourite flowers. Happy with his rare show of affection, I said yes. When he returned, he gave me a bag of our usual brand of flour and laughed hysterically in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 305

You deserved it 4 391

By "BunnysKitty" - 15/09/2017 23:15

Today, per my boyfriend's request, I bought some lingerie. He got so excited when he saw me, he ripped it off me right away. After we were done he used it to clean up. I essentially bought a $40 cum rag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 061

You deserved it 894

By pride? what's that? :( - 01/09/2012 00:23 - Belgium - Leuven

Today, I was feeling depressed and got very, very drunk. This evening, I was feeling equally desperate, and ended up having to get my special dildo removed from my asshole at the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 804

You deserved it 40 499

Red-handed

By Anonymous - 08/08/2023 22:00 - United States - Wolcott

Today, I was really excited to fuck my boyfriend when I got home from work. When I got home, I found him excited and… fucking someone from work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 725

You deserved it 192

So frustrating!

By Justawoman - 04/06/2014 15:52 - Denmark - Aarhus

Today, my boyfriend complained all day about being bored, so wanting to cheer him up, I put on some sexy clothes and went to his house. I got on his bed in my underwear and called him over. He quickly decided he'd rather play Diablo for the next five hours instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 578

You deserved it 8 638

By Anonymous - 02/09/2012 13:38 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I was showing my boyfriend some stuff I bought that day: a new thong and a bag of his favorite brand of peanuts. He was more excited about the peanuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 313

You deserved it 5 136

kawa_fml 0

Tuesday 28 July 2009 20:01

aw, that's nice of him!

Dfeline 2

Tuesday 28 July 2009 20:06

Ever considered that he was trying to make you laugh, consequently brightening your mood? Be glad. Most FML boyfriend's would just tell you to stop whining and make them a sandwich.

Comments

plexico 3

Tuesday 28 July 2009 20:30

Hou gaan dit, meisie? Is the problem that you require an EXTRA-large purple ***** to get the job done?

yeagerdarling 0

Tuesday 28 July 2009 20:31

Typical Woman. Man puts forth effort only to see that it got him in a worse place than if he did nothing at all. And you women wonder why Men tend to be aloof and uncaring to your needs. They can never be solved, you just want to complain.

BLNovelist 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 4:36

Sadly, I'm agreeing with you, and I'm a female. Girls like this one make me mildly angry - it'd be one thing if he brought it over expecting something of her, but he brought it because she asked him to bring something over to cheer her up, of which that would/should one way or another, and yet she still got pissy with him because it wasn't what she wanted. Way too many people do that shit. Not to say I don't get pissy with my boyfriend every so often...but this one is just stupid.

suzieq57 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 6:27

Hear hear! You can't get this angry if you don't specify exactly what you want (and if you specify exactly what you want and there's no room for a big purple ***** you're no fun anyway. :P)

sillyking44 0

Tuesday 28 July 2009 20:36

How is this a FML? He tried. Like another guy said YDI for no sense of humor.

ladycoyote 0

Tuesday 28 July 2009 20:40

That certainly would have cheered me up, as I wouldn't have been able to stop laughing. At least the poor guy tried!

AntiChrist7 0

Tuesday 28 July 2009 20:40

you asked for something, you got something. stop whining

midwestjerk 0

Tuesday 28 July 2009 20:41

That's an awesome gesture towards humor and smartassery. If you'd gone along with it and gotten laid, the endorphin rush from sex would have made you feel much better about work.

akscott 0

Tuesday 28 July 2009 21:52

your bf is awesome, and #31 smartassery is an awesome word...thanks for expanding my vocab

clamore 0

Tuesday 28 July 2009 20:45

How on earth is this an FML? Sex toys are expensive, and it sounds like he would've helped you test it out! I can't even call this a YDI because you DON'T deserve a thoughtful, sexually open boyfriend with an attitude like that.