Health: Ouch

Ouch

By fuckjuggalos - 29/06/2012 23:57 - United States - Eugene

Today, I found out just how easy it is to be launched against the wall and sucker-punched into oblivion by a 200-pound former Marine turned professional body-builder. I discovered this after I told my fiancée's dad that we were expecting a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 132

You deserved it 5 035

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

Size isn't everything!

By Franklin - 18/12/2017 19:00

Today, I attempted to threaten my daughter's boyfriend to keep him from breaking her heart. I'm a 230-pound former soldier. He's a karate black belt. My family watched me get beat up by a 120-pound teenager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 342

You deserved it 7 930

By theregoesmyspermcount - 02/08/2009 22:45 - United States

Today, my 250 lb ex-Marine dad announced he was going to start randomly punching me in the crotch, without warning, to "improve my reflexes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 847

You deserved it 5 703

Fight! Fight! Fight!

By Anonymous - 02/03/2016 17:54 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, some muscle-head showed up at my house and started beating on me. Turned out my son had been posing online as a Navy SEAL, using a picture of me, and had dared this guy to come over and fight him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 675

You deserved it 2 031

Everybody was Kung Fu fighting!

By Anonymous - 23/08/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, my Kung Fu-trained father found out that my boyfriend, a Krav Maga student, got me pregnant. Since I'm only 17, my dad got extremely mad. Several broken bones and a few ambulances later, it looks like a Steven Seagal movie happened in my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 719

You deserved it 1 019

By randomguy - 09/07/2012 15:09 - United States - Saylorsburg

Today, I woke up after my pregnant fiancée punched me in the face. Apparently, I rolled over in my sleep and knocked her out of bed. She is still pissed about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 973

You deserved it 12 166

By BadassNinja - 05/09/2009 16:22 - United States

Today, I tried to impress my girlfriend by punching through a piece of old drywall karate kid-style. As it turns out, the drywall was actually a thin piece of concrete. I now have a busted hand and a girlfriend with a new story to tell all her friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 799

You deserved it 51 110

Catch!

By Jaxter - 18/03/2009 05:41 - United States

Today, I was walking up to girlfriend's house when her terrifying Marine Corps dad threw a football at me. Not being very athletic, I surprised myself by catching it. He gestured for me throw it back and I watched it spiral wildy to the left and hit my girlfriend's mom in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 124

You deserved it 15 024

By StrandedWhale - 03/11/2013 07:21 - United Kingdom

Today, I got knocked over at the park by a rampant dog. My fiancé stood by laughing his ass off as I repeatedly tried to stand up, only to be knocked back down again. I'm seven months pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 827

You deserved it 5 160

Outclassed

By Anonymous - 02/09/2023 16:00

Today, I had a gym date with a girl from Tinder. As soon as I saw her loading up the 45s, I knew I was in trouble. She could squat and leg-press over 100 lbs more than me on both. Somehow she let me come over that night anyway. I challenged her to a wrestling match to try and gain back my pride, then she made me tap out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 130

You deserved it 1 402

By DJ - 07/04/2013 18:52 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I started training for a charity boxing match. When I got home and walked through the door, my dad punched me in the stomach to test my reaction time. As I lay on the floor trying to catch my breath, he said my reaction time was "terrible". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 614

You deserved it 5 882

newbiehere99 6

Saturday 30 June 2012 6:22

So I guess that's the only baby you'll be expecting?

ThatGenericGuy 6

Saturday 30 June 2012 6:24

What if they're twins?

Comments

EvilDave 13

Saturday 30 June 2012 16:12

I hope you had him arrested and called off the wedding.

EvilDave 13

Saturday 30 June 2012 16:15

No, you are the idiot. There are plenty of ex-marines and most of the marines I met were only worth their nickname: bullet sponge. Oh, and it is "They're", "yeah", and "you're".

CzechIsBack 15

Saturday 30 June 2012 16:33

And then he goes to jail for assault - happy family #5

coolbrony12 3

Saturday 30 June 2012 16:43

Um that's illegal. Unless the marine was a girl.

InfiniteSunshine 32

Sunday 31 July 2016 6:56

Um no, it's still illegal if the person/marine was a woman. The laws on assault don't change because of gender. If a girl hits someone, be it another girl or a guy, she should be charged.

melodywarner17 0

Saturday 30 June 2012 16:47

And he is going to be your father in law/grandfather of your child... Good luck, OP.

ZeroSoldier 6

Saturday 30 June 2012 17:01

I'm sorry you were on the wrong end of a Marine's rage there op, but your an idiot for getting his daughter pregnant before you were married to her. Count your blessings that he wasn't a southerner too, or he would have pulled a shotgun on you. But I'm sure once you do marry her everything will heal up between the two of you. P.S.- Semper Fi

mattorama 15

Saturday 30 June 2012 20:20

Uhh, it's 2012, not 1912. They're freaking engaged, it's not like she got knocked up by some stranger.

MDTeddy 13

Saturday 30 June 2012 17:08

Tell your fiancee that you don't like her dad and need to stay away because he is freaken crazy.

Larawk 8

Saturday 30 June 2012 17:35

You should have started to shake uncontrollably and pretended to be having a seizure. Then, when he lets up, turns away, sucker punch him! Works every time.

grannygruber 6

Saturday 30 June 2012 17:38

Maybe you should have watched your wording. "Hey dude guess what! I've been pounding the living **** out of your baby girl and now she's knocked up with my evil spawn!" NOT GOOD!