Cars and Health: Quick Stop

Quick Stop

By poopy pants - 08/04/2013 01:47 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I was driving home from a friend's house after a night of partying. Suddenly, I had to poop worse than I ever had to in my entire life. The pain was so bad I had to pull over and pretend to be checking my tires while I let out the entire contents of my bowels onto the road. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 376

You deserved it 8 736

The rhythm of the fight
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Same thing different taste

By sadddddd - 11/09/2011 01:54 - Canada

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night feeling sick. I went to the bathroom and knelt in front of the toilet, waiting to throw up. When I finally did, I violently shit my pants at the same time. I was at my friend's house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 884

You deserved it 3 270

No exit! No choice!

By Anonymous - 13/11/2019 03:00

Today, I was driving my car when I suddenly got diarrhea and shat my pants. I put a plastic bag under me to not let all the shit go through my pants and get to my seat. Then one of my workmates saw my car and came to say hello. She saw all the shit and the plastic bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 253

You deserved it 301

By Username - 27/01/2011 17:40 - Romania

Today, I was running late for school because I had a huge stomach ache. To save on time, I took a taxi. When the taxi driver hit a bump, I lost control of my bowels and shit myself. Not only do I have to wash my underwear in the sink at school now, but I had to pay the driver extra to remove the smell from his car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 124

You deserved it 5 708

Fools rush in

By Anonymous - 15/11/2022 10:00 - United States - Utica

Today, after a shopping trip, I had the worst diarrhea attack and almost shat my pants before I could even get in the front door. By the time I could get the door open, it was taking all of my self-control to keep from shitting myself. I had to shit on the toilet with the front door and bathroom door wide open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 810

You deserved it 174

By Redhairchick - 06/11/2016 07:08

Today, I got severe diarrhea while out dancing with friends. On my way home, I got hit with the urge again. I couldn't find an open toilet and I had to resort to relieving myself in an alley. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 066

You deserved it 933

By Anonymous - 21/06/2012 17:43 - Canada - Toronto

Today, after having been constipated for ages, I finally forced out a week's worth of build-up. The excruciating pain reduced me to tears, and my boyfriend refused to drive me to the hospital, because according to him, I must have had anal sex with someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 817

You deserved it 3 071

Caught short

By Anonymous - 13/11/2014 18:01 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was speeding home, bursting to take a crap. I pulled into my driveway and made it inside, before my wife told me the plumber was still working on our pipes. I ended up having to take a crap in my own backyard, behind a tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 954

You deserved it 3 396

Bladder control

By Anonymous - 27/08/2023 14:00

Today, while driving my son and his friend home, I was so frantic to pee, I was bouncing up and down in my seat. I stopped and ran into a store but it was too late. There was a line and I made it 11 seconds. I was radiating heat from the humiliation of walking past dozens of people after peeing my pants. I even apologized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 643

You deserved it 158

By heyhijello - 09/09/2013 22:05 - United States - Oakland

Today, at my boyfriend's brother's house, I desperately needed to poop. After finishing my business, I realized the toilet wouldn't flush. I had to pull my poop out, wrap it in TP and make an excuse to go outside to throw it in a bush. The neighbor was watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 077

You deserved it 12 727

Not now!

By Anonymous - 19/07/2019 00:01

Today, after 4 days without being able to poop, now, while sitting stuck in traffic, I have the sudden urge to use the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 790

You deserved it 155

TheJester12 15

Monday 8 April 2013 9:54

I keep re reading this fml and don't understand why I can't find the words " Taco and Bell" anywhere within it.

Pwib 14

Monday 8 April 2013 9:53

If you gotta go...better the side of the road than on your interior, right?

Comments

chuckcloninger 12

Monday 8 April 2013 18:22

Now I've had to pee and done that. But this.......?

csi_fml 19

Monday 8 April 2013 18:48

The most important question is did you swipe yourself after?

Jayqwellen 5

Monday 8 April 2013 19:49

MSN (Must Sh***t Now) Horrible moments.

Raytestrak 3

Monday 8 April 2013 19:55

I have no words for this ...

Jacksparrow72 21

Monday 8 April 2013 21:52

Did you drag your ass on the grass to clean up?

Bodzy81 4

Monday 8 April 2013 22:13

That is a common occurrence here in Saskatchewan... It's called a road apple every truck I've been in has a shit tickets in the glove box.

Bodzy81 4

Monday 8 April 2013 22:14

****A roll of shit tickets***

Infinity1337 11

Monday 8 April 2013 23:46

Please tell me you at least had napkins in your glove box! Eek!

Phoebe_Buffay 14

Monday 8 April 2013 23:55

"oh no no no no no it's happening.... it happened. I Just shit in the street. "

Xotoolyxo 16

Tuesday 9 April 2013 0:37

Think about the person that's going to walk out of their house in the morning for the paper, and see your lovely gift on the curb

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The Top

Today, I saw a Tesla truck in my rear-view mirror and thought, "Oh, look how cool the front looks!" Five seconds later it rear-ended me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 345

You deserved it 166

Today, there are rumors flying around my office that I hooked up with the guy who picks his nose and leaves boogers under tables. I didn't. Last night I took a shower at my boyfriend's place, who happens to use the exact same body wash and shampoo as the office outcast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 208

You deserved it 3 593

The Top

Today, I learned why one should never insert a tampon after squeezing lemons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 844

You deserved it 16 092

Today, I helped a lady give birth on the train. She was so happy she asked if she could name the baby after me, but as I told her my name she visibly turned her nose up at it, turned to her husband, and suggested naming it after his grandfather instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 347

You deserved it 283

Today, I got in trouble for punching my sister. Apparently, it still counts if it's in Minecraft and she looked like she was going to steal my stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 586

You deserved it 2 718

Today, a man easily 30 years older than me said hi in a bar, but I didn’t engage. Apparently that meant "Please rub your junk on my leg." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 532

You deserved it 281

Today, I pretended to have a heart attack so my baby sister would know when to call 911. When I fell down and started to pretend, she drank my soda instead of helping me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 899

You deserved it 1 724

Today, I stubbed the same toe three times in fifteen minutes. How? My sister moved most of the furniture in the house to the left by a few inches, because she thought it would be funny to watch me get confused and suffer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 559

You deserved it 7 116