Intimacy: Today, a hooker refused my custom. According to her, "Even whores... - FML

By Anonymous - 22/08/2011 19:35 - United States

Spicy

Today, a hooker refused my custom. According to her, "Even whores have standards." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 619

You deserved it 46 765

Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves! More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 06/04/2016 14:31 - United States - Iowa Park

Today, I got mugged by a fake hooker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 730

You deserved it 8 314

By anonymous - 11/06/2015 14:37 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my boyfriend and I were downtown when he pointed to a girl and said he wished I dressed more like she did. She was obviously a hooker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 899

You deserved it 2 652

We need a break

By pst - 21/11/2010 01:06 - South Africa

Spicy

Today, the hooker I have been seeing regularly for almost a year texted me to say she thinks we should no longer see each other again. I just got dumped by a hooker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 686

You deserved it 59 247

By Pugsley - 30/08/2019 14:02 - Australia

Spicy

Today, for my birthday, I found out I'm too ugly even for a hooker to have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 212

You deserved it 353

By Anonymous - 10/10/2014 21:51 - United States - Lemont

Spicy

Today, I finally lost my virginity. Too bad it cost me every last shred of self-respect and involved begging a hooker to take my money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 713

You deserved it 24 327

By Anonymous - 10/02/2015 14:51 - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, a cute girl was telling me about her weird fetishes. I jokingly said, "Remind me never to have sex with you". She replied, "Don't worry, I have standards". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 494

You deserved it 20 913

Soliciting

By Xena - 25/08/2017 04:30

Today, I was at our hotel waiting for my husband to finish his shower so we could have our anniversary dinner, when hotel security forcefully removed me from the building because they do not allow "prostitutes" to look for clients on their property. They thought I was a hooker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 915

You deserved it 666

Sex work is real work

By Anonymous - 22/09/2019 00:01

Spicy

Today, I just found out my best friend is a hooker. I just thought she worked nights and had terrible taste in clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 852

You deserved it 500

By UnicornPancake - 25/04/2018 15:00

Today, I had to dress like a diva for a drama performance and my friend said I looked like a hooker. Then someone said, “If hookers looked like that, they wouldn't get any money." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 498

You deserved it 431

By Anonymous - 11/08/2011 17:58 - Vietnam

Today, I checked into a hotel because my boss had assigned me to a new position. As soon as the reception lady looked up, she had me kicked out of the hotel. Apparently, one of the regulations is, "No prostitutes allowed." I was wearing a business suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 829

You deserved it 4 361

Next

Top comments

hailphire130 0

Tuesday 23 August 2011 0:48

Give her some more money then. Bitches love money.

FMLollie 7

Tuesday 23 August 2011 3:26

The way this FML is written it's so formal can you imagine how he would go up to her! "Excuse me miss, I would like to purchase your services in sexual pleasure."

Comments

h0ward076 0

Tuesday 23 August 2011 15:59

all he was asking for was a dirty sanchez!!

abastard 3

Tuesday 23 August 2011 16:53

They do. Seen that happen. Not funny. Feel bad for you.

CSRozell 4

Tuesday 23 August 2011 18:36

fix your f***ing face

spicywatermelon 0

Tuesday 23 August 2011 18:38

Lmao. Too funny. FYL.

aaliyahsagirah 5

Tuesday 23 August 2011 19:14

this.. is the best FML... ever.

latinjukes 2

Tuesday 23 August 2011 20:44

Look at the bright side, you saved a couple hundred bucks!

asdallen 0

Tuesday 23 August 2011 21:17

Awwe:/ sorry bro

buttercup47 0

Tuesday 23 August 2011 21:22

Ya had it coming bro

buttercup47 0

Tuesday 23 August 2011 21:22

Ya had it coming bro

shado76 2

Wednesday 24 August 2011 0:56

A hooker with standards? That's either irony or an oxymoron!

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USA, USA, USA, and more precisely Philadelphia. That's where we're landing today. When I first discovered Justin, on 9gag or an awesome website like that, I knew exactly this little guy was perfect to fit in the FML illustrated section. His crazy, c...

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You deserved it 0

Today, I picked up my daughter from daycare. As we were getting into the car, I strapped her into the car seat, but something felt off. I looked back and realized I had picked up the wrong kid. In my defense, she was wearing the same jacket as my daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 120

You deserved it 539

The Top

Today, my wife told me that she was leaving me for someone with more hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 605

You deserved it 4 764

Today, after boiling eggs my whole life, I wanted to try a packaged hard-boiled egg for the first time. I'd never had a cold egg before, so I thought it would be a good idea to warm it up. Now, I'm cleaning out a billion pieces of egg shrapnel in the microwave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 471

You deserved it 9 825

Today, my sister accused me of "leading on" her creepy best friend and said I should apologize to him for making him think he was going to get lucky. I haven't talked to the guy in over 5 years, except for one random encounter 2 days ago, where all I said was, "Hi, how have you been?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 835

You deserved it 1 400

Today, it's my birthday. All I wanted was birthday sex, but all my boyfriend could talk about was how great the new purse he got me was. I think he might like it more than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 576

You deserved it 5 722

Today, I was eating a bowl of cereal and noticed something float to the top. On closer inspection, it turned out to be a mouse turd. I had already eaten half the bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 692

You deserved it 4 460

Today, I had a boyfriend who wanted to wait until marriage before having sex. When I came home, I realised he must have married my roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 561

You deserved it 2 189