Intimacy: Today, a hooker refused my custom. According to her, "Even whores... - FML

By Anonymous - 22/08/2011 19:35 - United States

Spicy

Today, a hooker refused my custom. According to her, "Even whores have standards." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 619

You deserved it 46 765

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 06/04/2016 14:31 - United States - Iowa Park

Today, I got mugged by a fake hooker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 730

You deserved it 8 314

By anonymous - 11/06/2015 14:37 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my boyfriend and I were downtown when he pointed to a girl and said he wished I dressed more like she did. She was obviously a hooker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 899

You deserved it 2 652

We need a break

By pst - 21/11/2010 01:06 - South Africa

Spicy

Today, the hooker I have been seeing regularly for almost a year texted me to say she thinks we should no longer see each other again. I just got dumped by a hooker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 686

You deserved it 59 247

By Pugsley - 30/08/2019 14:02 - Australia

Spicy

Today, for my birthday, I found out I'm too ugly even for a hooker to have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 212

You deserved it 353

By Anonymous - 10/10/2014 21:51 - United States - Lemont

Spicy

Today, I finally lost my virginity. Too bad it cost me every last shred of self-respect and involved begging a hooker to take my money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 713

You deserved it 24 327

By Anonymous - 10/02/2015 14:51 - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, a cute girl was telling me about her weird fetishes. I jokingly said, "Remind me never to have sex with you". She replied, "Don't worry, I have standards". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 494

You deserved it 20 913

Soliciting

By Xena - 25/08/2017 04:30

Today, I was at our hotel waiting for my husband to finish his shower so we could have our anniversary dinner, when hotel security forcefully removed me from the building because they do not allow "prostitutes" to look for clients on their property. They thought I was a hooker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 915

You deserved it 666

Sex work is real work

By Anonymous - 22/09/2019 00:01

Spicy

Today, I just found out my best friend is a hooker. I just thought she worked nights and had terrible taste in clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 852

You deserved it 500

By UnicornPancake - 25/04/2018 15:00

Today, I had to dress like a diva for a drama performance and my friend said I looked like a hooker. Then someone said, “If hookers looked like that, they wouldn't get any money." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 498

You deserved it 431

By Anonymous - 11/08/2011 17:58 - Vietnam

Today, I checked into a hotel because my boss had assigned me to a new position. As soon as the reception lady looked up, she had me kicked out of the hotel. Apparently, one of the regulations is, "No prostitutes allowed." I was wearing a business suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 829

You deserved it 4 361

Next

Top comments

hailphire130 0

Tuesday 23 August 2011 0:48

Give her some more money then. Bitches love money.

FMLollie 7

Tuesday 23 August 2011 3:26

The way this FML is written it's so formal can you imagine how he would go up to her! "Excuse me miss, I would like to purchase your services in sexual pleasure."

Comments

a6h311h0und 1

Tuesday 23 August 2011 8:31

isnt this shit illegal anyway? YDI man.

PocketRockette 0

Tuesday 23 August 2011 8:35

Maybe asking for that Dirty Sanchez was a bad move.

hotscar 3

Tuesday 23 August 2011 8:52

1, when do they send the owls? I'm still waiting

newmandotcom 6

Tuesday 23 August 2011 8:54

You gotta resort to a hooker to get your rocks off? Ydi

TheFlook 0

Tuesday 23 August 2011 9:00

Forever alone.

HannahLouise96 13

Tuesday 23 August 2011 9:04

Forget about her standards, how about YOUR standards?

Harpy20 24

Tuesday 23 August 2011 9:39

ydi for not knowing how to spell 'costume'.

_Krijs 5

Tuesday 23 August 2011 10:45

0/10

Nikelopez 11

Tuesday 23 August 2011 10:28

Just drive to the next corner you'll find another

XI3NC3 2

Tuesday 23 August 2011 10:45

Just shoot yourself. There is no hope.

denvan 0

Tuesday 23 August 2011 11:04

High standards and a clapping Va jay jay

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If the title got you here because you thought FML was going to shut up shop, then I'm evil. Of course, today's headline only refers to the great comic Pen Goto created for us! Speaking of today's illustration, no animals were hurt in the making of th...

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

Today, I hung out with a friend who has been too busy to hang out with me in a few months. I decided to make the day super special with fun plans and spent a lot of money doing so. When I got home, her Facebook status said, "Pointless day, gone to bed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 805

You deserved it 3 020

The Top

Today, my dad got drunk and asked if I had inherited his "abnormally tiny penis." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 441

You deserved it 3 815

Today, my family and I went to the movie theater. There weren't enough free seats near the front, so I sat a few rows back with my grandpa. He kept throwing our snacks at my parents' heads all through the movie. He claimed he'd been asleep the whole time, and I'm now grounded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 922

You deserved it 2 367

Today, I was walking down the street in downtown Charleston where there are a lot of horse-drawn carriage tours and I decided to pick up some litter. Some of it was in a puddle of water, but after I picked up the trash, I realized the puddle was horse urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 206

You deserved it 9 357

Today, a guest at the hotel I work at started shouting at me. Apparently the street vendor selling sunglasses outside the hotel sold her a pair of 'genuine' Ray Bans for $5. She wanted me to phone the police because she realized two days later they were fake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 285

You deserved it 1 834

Today, there was a wasp tangled in my bed sheets. I found this out when I rolled over it in my sleep, and it stung me on the lower back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 74

Today, my best friend rang me to complain about having to pay childcare fees when she's still working from home. She doesn't understand why I couldn't sympathize with what she was going through. Clearly she forgot I'm a childcare worker who would like to be paid for the work I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 877

You deserved it 197