Intimacy: Today, a hooker refused my custom. According to her, "Even whores... - FML

By Anonymous - 22/08/2011 19:35 - United States

Spicy

Today, a hooker refused my custom. According to her, "Even whores have standards." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 619

You deserved it 46 771

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 06/04/2016 14:31 - United States - Iowa Park

Today, I got mugged by a fake hooker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 730

You deserved it 8 314

By anonymous - 11/06/2015 14:37 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my boyfriend and I were downtown when he pointed to a girl and said he wished I dressed more like she did. She was obviously a hooker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 900

You deserved it 2 652

We need a break

By pst - 21/11/2010 01:06 - South Africa

Spicy

Today, the hooker I have been seeing regularly for almost a year texted me to say she thinks we should no longer see each other again. I just got dumped by a hooker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 688

You deserved it 59 254

By Pugsley - 30/08/2019 14:02 - Australia

Spicy

Today, for my birthday, I found out I'm too ugly even for a hooker to have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 215

You deserved it 353

By Anonymous - 10/10/2014 21:51 - United States - Lemont

Spicy

Today, I finally lost my virginity. Too bad it cost me every last shred of self-respect and involved begging a hooker to take my money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 714

You deserved it 24 332

By Anonymous - 10/02/2015 14:51 - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, a cute girl was telling me about her weird fetishes. I jokingly said, "Remind me never to have sex with you". She replied, "Don't worry, I have standards". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 496

You deserved it 20 915

Soliciting

By Xena - 25/08/2017 04:30

Today, I was at our hotel waiting for my husband to finish his shower so we could have our anniversary dinner, when hotel security forcefully removed me from the building because they do not allow "prostitutes" to look for clients on their property. They thought I was a hooker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 918

You deserved it 667

Sex work is real work

By Anonymous - 22/09/2019 00:01

Spicy

Today, I just found out my best friend is a hooker. I just thought she worked nights and had terrible taste in clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 855

You deserved it 504

By UnicornPancake - 25/04/2018 15:00

Today, I had to dress like a diva for a drama performance and my friend said I looked like a hooker. Then someone said, “If hookers looked like that, they wouldn't get any money." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 500

You deserved it 431

By Anonymous - 11/08/2011 17:58 - Vietnam

Today, I checked into a hotel because my boss had assigned me to a new position. As soon as the reception lady looked up, she had me kicked out of the hotel. Apparently, one of the regulations is, "No prostitutes allowed." I was wearing a business suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 831

You deserved it 4 364

Next

Top comments

hailphire130 0

Tuesday 23 August 2011 0:48

Give her some more money then. Bitches love money.

FMLollie 7

Tuesday 23 August 2011 3:26

The way this FML is written it's so formal can you imagine how he would go up to her! "Excuse me miss, I would like to purchase your services in sexual pleasure."

Comments

a6h311h0und 1

Tuesday 23 August 2011 8:31

isnt this shit illegal anyway? YDI man.

PocketRockette 0

Tuesday 23 August 2011 8:35

Maybe asking for that Dirty Sanchez was a bad move.

hotscar 3

Tuesday 23 August 2011 8:52

1, when do they send the owls? I'm still waiting

newmandotcom 6

Tuesday 23 August 2011 8:54

You gotta resort to a hooker to get your rocks off? Ydi

TheFlook 0

Tuesday 23 August 2011 9:00

Forever alone.

HannahLouise96 13

Tuesday 23 August 2011 9:04

Forget about her standards, how about YOUR standards?

Harpy20 24

Tuesday 23 August 2011 9:39

ydi for not knowing how to spell 'costume'.

_Krijs 5

Tuesday 23 August 2011 10:45

0/10

Nikelopez 11

Tuesday 23 August 2011 10:28

Just drive to the next corner you'll find another

XI3NC3 2

Tuesday 23 August 2011 10:45

Just shoot yourself. There is no hope.

denvan 0

Tuesday 23 August 2011 11:04

High standards and a clapping Va jay jay

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend from high school at the exact pizza shop we met at where I worked in high school. She broke it off with me after she caught me cheating with her best friend. These days, she's a lawyer who makes six figures a year. I still work at the same pizza shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 306

You deserved it 125 970

Today, while driving home, I looked in the rear-view mirror and saw that my three-year-old daughter had managed to get out of her seat and had crawled to the back window. I pulled over and strapped her in again. Five minutes later she was back at the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 219

You deserved it 5 961

The Top

Today, my little brother decided he needed $170 worth of V-Bucks. How was he going to get it? From the credit card he took from my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 866

You deserved it 67

Today, I tried to point out to a chap in a van waiting at the lights that his tyre was flat, and that the rim had been spitting sparks all the way down the road. I was told in no uncertain terms, “Mind your own bleedin' business!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 565

You deserved it 170

Today, I had the girl of my dreams in my bed. She was laughing and smiling, kissing and talking. It was great. Then suddenly she said, "I want to go home; is that rude?" Then she left. I called, but now I'm blocked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 633

You deserved it 309

Today, my friend thought it would be funny to dress in all black with a ski mask and use my spare key to break into my house as a joke. He though it was even funnier when I jumped out the window and broke my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 623

You deserved it 6 336

Today, I stopped by the gun store to pick up a new concealed weapon for protection. As I was leaving the store, a man came up behind me, hit me with a crowbar, and stole my gun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 211

You deserved it 14 781

Today, after being moved to three different employer-provided apartments because they all had mold and electrical problems, I requested a bigger bed. The bed they delivered had bedbugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 674

You deserved it 380