Well, you're a man of your word, you are taking it slow, rather than just diving in with your **** and violating his daughter, you're taking your time. Some kissing, followed by some feeling, now you're up to the eating part. Then the all important "knocking of the boots"! Make sure you compliment her father for creating such a hot, completely edible, fuckable daughter! Keep up the good work!

You've got to start somewhere, regardless of how slow you're taking it! Maybe think about who's home next time.

Your FML should probably have read: "Today I was lucky enough to not have my hands broken when my girlfriend's dad caught getting dirty in her bedroom."

Yeah there's definitely no better time to do that than when he's home. You're an idiot. Wait until he's gone and then strip down.

I prefer the slow lick myself.

Threesome time?

He's nice to have a daughter dating a nice guy such as yourself. I mean, most guys won't do that sort of thing (I don't see why, but that's another story for another day). But, you managed to get caught, so you're lucky you survived to tell the tale. A complete and through beat-down was well within his rights.

maybe he was just checking for cervical cancer...with his mouth

Convince the old guy that by today's standards, pussy eating just counts as First Base.

If it was my house you wouldn't have been alive to write this FML.