Intimacy: Today, after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful...

By Hallllo - 11/05/2009 05:12 - United States

Today, after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful girl we start to walk back to my place. Halfway there she turns and says, "I wish you were a vampire" and goes back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100 303

You deserved it 9 101

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 19/12/2009 05:13 - United States

Today, I met a girl at the bar. Things were going really well and we ended up going back to her place. Problem? Her husband who normally works the graveyard shift was home sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 876

You deserved it 11 718

By scatter00x - 08/02/2009 05:39 - United States

Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 094

You deserved it 7 095

By heartbroke - 03/11/2012 10:02 - United States - Erie

Today, my girlfriend did the walk of shame in a skimpy Halloween costume after a night of drunken sex. Problem? The walk ended at my doorstep, and the sex was with a stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 581

You deserved it 3 485

By Jebus - 24/01/2009 16:07 - Canada

Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 117

You deserved it 34 790

Mixed signals

By Anonymous - 13/07/2020 20:02

Today, I had the girl of my dreams in my bed. She was laughing and smiling, kissing and talking. It was great. Then suddenly she said, "I want to go home; is that rude?" Then she left. I called, but now I'm blocked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 633

You deserved it 309

Ostentatious

By dgordo3 - 09/02/2009 01:01 - United States

Today, on my way home from watching a movie with a girl, I began having an erection because I thought I could kiss her goodnight. She dropped me off at home, and with my full blown erection, I walked in front of her car with the headlights on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 433

You deserved it 46 505

By depressed - 22/02/2010 07:23 - United States

Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 823

You deserved it 26 498

By Clader - 10/12/2008 03:09 - France

Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 621

You deserved it 2 890

By jibberish - 22/11/2009 00:15 - United States

Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 693

You deserved it 39 006

By sister sister - 25/11/2013 17:38 - United States - Rhinebeck

Today, after having some drinks at the club, I went home with this awesome girl. When I woke up, I thought the house looked really familiar. It belonged to my ex's younger sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 879

You deserved it 19 343

Luckster 0

Monday 11 May 2009 12:12

Sounds like another retarded Twilight fan. Find someone who doesn't dwell on the fantasy world.

Millybug 0

Monday 11 May 2009 12:14

And Twilight screws over another poor guy. Ok-- I am a Twilight fan, they are wretchedly cheesy teen romance novels, but still I am a fan. On that note; Twilighters, those stupid, obsessive, moronic little fangirls who want every guy to be like Edward should be shot in the face. Sorry dude, that really blows.

Comments

Rawrrr14 0

Monday 11 May 2009 16:42

#131, who's "you"? And like I said have you met EVERY SINGLE twilight fan? Who are you to judge?

Rawrrr14 0

Monday 11 May 2009 16:44

#130, your observation was wrong.

kitti_ 0

Monday 11 May 2009 16:44

You don't need to meet every single person in a group to understand the general behavior of them /end obnoxiousness.

pescemora 0

Monday 11 May 2009 16:45

#132: I am a Twilight fan. And the "you" would be the plural "you," as in tween Twilight fans. If you are not a tween/teen, I apologize. But the ones who are and who advocate vampire love, (even though they are not *real*), make a bad name for the ones who are at least semi-normal and either keep it to themselves or don't try to mesh a FICTION book with the real world.

eliz3 0

Monday 11 May 2009 16:46

Twilight was an awful book that was terribly written and deserves no literary praise what so ever. It was only ever liked because everyone fell in love with that fricking vampire and now won't shut up about him. Welcome to the real world, people like Edward don't exist, and if they did they'd be commonly known as "******* weird stalkers."

Rawrrr14 0

Monday 11 May 2009 16:46

#135, you make a good point, but at the same time, I just get pissed because everyone is so goddamn judgmental.

FmyF_inglife 0

Monday 11 May 2009 16:50

Edward Cullen is charming, but she's a little overboard. You should've just said **** off & walked away :P

mobius8 0

Monday 11 May 2009 16:51

Well at least she had unreal expectations of you. You would've felt worse if she'd said "I wish you were funny" or "I wish you were good looking". At any rate, count yourself lucky for dodging that crazy bullet of a relationship. =)

habeeboburky94 0

Monday 11 May 2009 16:52

#19 ftw xD I've read twilight a couple of years ago and still reread It every now and then. I don't care if it contains typos or grammatical mistakes I like it. I wouldn't do what your date did ofcourse, since it's downright stupid.fan girls annoy me to the core. I'm 14 yo. I also think Edward's perfect! But I never fantasized about him or Jacob or any other character cause it's weird and only people with no life do it. So go ahead make fun of the bitch in the OP's FML but don't make fun of the books or the fans cause that'll only show how ****** stereotypical you are. Twilight movie sucked ass. Jonas brothers are ******* don't compare them to twilight :)

Takoyaki 0

Monday 11 May 2009 16:54

Yay my first ever fml comment! going back to #19, I read a TON, it just happens to be things worth being read, not some stupid pop fiction for little girls who think being stalked by a homosexual vampire is the most romantic thing ever. Maybe if Twilight fans read some real worth while literature they would realize how twilight is just a dime store romance novel with no real story and a ton of mushy shit that just proves Stephenie Meyer can not write, and lives in a demented dream world of her own.