Sorry, but no...parents like you are the types who have withdrawn kids because you don't respect them. You don't own their thoughts, so why do you think you have the right to invade their deepest privacy like that? People write things in their diaries that they don't want anyone to know and for you to invade like that is just plain wrong. Your kids will not trust you after that.

People with mindsets like your's are the reason kids become distant. You feel you have the right to invade their privacy just because they live in your house. Get off your high horse because you have no right to invade the privacy of your children.

I may not own my child's thoughts but I own them until they are on their own. My child has full trust in me. I think it's ridiculous to "trust" a teenager they do stupid stuff like we all have. Maybe she HAS tried talking to her daughter and this was her only way to try and dig deeper, think of that?

And people like me with my mind set protect our kids and not let them run wild and do what they please because of " trust". It's called having respect for your parents and having open communication.

You're a parent, not a property owner. How sick that you refer to your children as personal property- newsflash, you don't own anyone. Unless your kid has given you an actual reason to not trust them, then what justification do you have invading their privacy? How blatantly disrespectful. Would you want someone invading your thoughts and privacy without any real reason other than they feel entitled to do so? Your remark about teenagers is insulting- not all teenagers are into drugs and irresponsible sex.

So who owns your kids? Do you write them off on your tax return? Exactly. Maybe harsh words on my part but it's the truth. And of course bot ALL teenagers are into drugs and sex but I can tell you MOST are having sex like it or not. And if my CHILD is and not telling me I would want to know and if reading their diary is how I found out so be it. It's called being a parent, not their best friend.

I'm sorry, but no. My parents do this exact thing and I don't tell them a single thing. They don't trust me, and I have no clue why. I'm one of those kids who is on the honor roll, never goes anywhere, and sits at home on the computer and plays video games. I deserve privacy when I've done nothing to make them distrust me. There's a line, and when you cross the line-such as reading a diary or text messages (when you have no reason to snoop)-it makes your kids not trust you, at least in my and my friends' opinions.

Country girl... Here's the thing. Maybe when you have kids someday you'll realize there are things you do to protect your kids. Teenagers don't get it sometimes and I was there too I remember it wasn't too long ago for me.

I am eternally grateful that I am not your child.

So what? You're a legal guardian, not an owner. Pets are owned, humans are not. The fact that you think you own your children shows how much you DON'T respect them. Your kids are not obligated to tell you every single aspect of their life. It's not your business, like it or not, unless they are doing something clearly wrong and/or destructive. Otherwise, their personal thoughts are not any of your business at all. And the more you invade their privacy, the more they're going to keep more things from you.

You know, even though your kids must abide by your rules until they move out, that doesn't mean you should feel like you can do whatever you want to them, like invading their privacy. They didn't agree to be your child, so, while you should list some rules to keep them out of trouble, you shouldn't act like they agreed to having their privacy taken away. Maybe instead of assuming that your kids are out getting pregnant and doing drugs, you should try to have a close enough relationship with your kids so that they would believe you if you said it was wrong and they'd tell you if they did it.

Here's an example where you're wrong. Me. I don't do drugs because I'm not an idiot. Never had sex because I don't want to yet. Never drank alcohol because it flat out doesnt appeal to me. Never smoked because again I'm not an idiot. There is also a second reason I don't do these things. Because my parents trust me. Why would I do anything that would make me undeserving of that trust. So take your generalizations and shut up.

I respect my child enough to keep them safe. They are welcome to their owns thoughts by all means, but this poster must have thought this was her way to find out if her daughter is doing something she doesn't know about that could lead to something worse. I agree to disagree but yes you technically own your children until they are 18. Sounds more like being your child's friend is the way to go. If I had to chose between trust or keeping my child safe, I'll chose keeping them safe. This is exactly why kids think they have the divine right to have things like trust. I am a parent first and will NEVER be my child's BFF.

I thank the good lord baby Jesus Christ that kayaker83 is not my mom. I am also glad that my mom let me do whatever I wanted and guess what? I never did drugs, had sex, drank or anything else you think you have to "protect" your kids from. Good luck with that protecting. The rest of us live in the real world. I'll be sure to thank my mom for respecting me when I was a child.

White16sox.... Since you don't have any kids you don't know what your talking about. Just because your a good kid doesn't mean your kids will be. Grow up before you comment on how to raise kids. Learn about the birds and the bees first.

It's odd how my Mother is both my very close friend and also a good parent who raised me to not be a bad kid, and yet you are acting like you can't be both.

54, you want to know the outcome of how parenting like that works out? Go read comment 41 and tell me that is the outcome you are hoping for.

No one is saying parents don't have a duty to watch over their kids, but there's a difference between that and just abusing your leadership. And actually, you don't own your children because if you did, then sexual and physical abuse would not be against the law. Slave owners were able to rape and beat slaves because slaves were mere property- that is NOT the same situation with children. I don't think the OP is a terrible person, but they made a stupid move and got instant karma for it. Again, a child doesn't have to share every personal detail of their life with their parents. Do you tell your parents everything? Of course not. There are some things you don't want your parents to know, and there is nothing wrong with that.

You should also know that I half raised 3 younger sisters so my mom could work to support us after my lovely dad left us high and dry. Just in case you want to tell me I don't know anything about children.

@58: *you're

58, you act like I'm 3 years old. Seriously get off your high horse. And don't tell me to grow up because you know I'm correct.

Citymayer I live in the real world and guess what ? The majority of kids have parents that are bff's that's why there are so many kids getting into trouble.

Oh and by the way I'm helping my sister raise her child. So I'll say it again, Hell I'll even say it kindly, will you please take your generalizations elsewhere. Oh boy I can tell, if any, this'll be the thread to close the comments.

White16sox.... I rather like the view from my high horse thank you. You might be old enough to be on FML but maybe learn about sex before you start telling me how to parent.

@68: I think you are getting mixed up between BFF parents and parents with manipulative children.

Wow. You are quite the idiot. I know what sex is, I don't see what that has to do with children's privacy.

Sex =/= parenting. Considering you're using all the "BFF" parents and "bad children" as examples you should know that.

Kayaker sounds a lot like my mom. Whenever I mention a guy I talked to, hung out with, or interacted with in any way she thinks I'm having or going to have sex with him. She is infuriated with the fact that I regularly take painkillers, despite my inflammatory disease that causes excruciating chest pains. She always checks thoroughly throw my phone, computer, even clothing drawers to see what other trouble she things I'm getting into. It's awful and creates a lot of resentment between us.

Kayaker83-This is just awful. Listening to you talk about parenting makes me want to throw my parents a huge thank you party for absolutely NEVER touching my stuff. You talk a lot about how you're not your child's best friend. And I agree with that. You shouldn't go soft on your kid to the point where they don't even respect you. But you can't turn into a warden either. Why can't you or OP trust your kids enough to know that they'll make the right decisions, and furthermore, why can't you trust your own parenting skills? I'm not a parent, sure, but I am a kid with a diary my parents have never read and I'm a kid who doesn't do anything bad ever. And I know kids with parents who are too lenient or too strict, and it leads to problems later on.

._. Kayaker sounds like one of those stupid teenagers who think that when they were younger their ignorant -mememememe-'s was just a phase that they got through, had a kid unexpectedly, "grew up and matured" leaps and bounds in a short amount of time, and now has learned all about the lessons he or she had to go through "the hard way" when they were younger. You are such an ignorant child Kayaker. If you think having sex entitles you to worldly wisdom, you better think again. Philosophy and sociology are two social sciences with hundreds of years of history and documentation, and absolutely nothing you feel like you have learned can justify your claims of righteousness. While I agree that you should not always be your child's best friend(you must be able to tell them no if you think they are out of bounds), allowing them to be their own person is NOT being too lenient with them. Children are human beings who had no say in your bringing them into this world, they have their own opinions and self, and you should never belittle or take those away. There's one thing telling your child they may not do something, there's an entirely different thing to govern your child as if they are your tax payer and you their mayor. You aren't entitled to their thoughts, or their privacy. If you think they are doing hard drugs/harmful activities, confront them about it. Direct question. If they are involved with something like that, they will get defensive and it will be obvious, if they are not, they will laugh at you and ask how could you possibly assume something like that. I think it's you Kayaker who needs to learn more about parenthood. Protecting your kids does not mean belittling their humanity.

My parents have always trusted me. Because of this I have never done anything to lose that trust. I've been left home alone for a few days at a time, and during this time I went to a town fair(and yes, I had permission). The worst thing I did was let an unplanned guest into the house(my friend's, who was also there and who my parents knew was coming, little sister). I have never gotten drunk or done drugs, despite more than ample opportunity to do so. My parents know who my druggie friends are, and they trust me to be alone with them. My room is the easiest bedroom in the house to sneak out of, yet I never have. I know other kids who are as well behaved as me. The biggest thing in common? Our parents trust us. Now on the other hand, I've got friends who were never trusted by their parents, so they decided why not commit the crime when they are already receiving the punishment. Instead of talking to their parents they perfected the art of lying. Their parents now think they are good kids who are no longer screwing up, when in actuality, their kids are screwing up more than ever before but are no longer telling the parents about it. Go ahead, read through your kids diary. After all, not like your kids are writing the truth in them anymore. Why bother jotting down secret thoughts if you know everyone is going to read them?

Kayaker83 you remind me of my mother. She looked through my stuff constantly. She even checked the trash for used pads to try to tell if I was having sex/was pregnant. Meanwhile I was on the honor roll, never drank, never went out because she wouldn't let me. I sat at home and read books. She was overly controlling and not trusting among a lot of other things. Guess who I don't speak too since I don't live at home. Overly controlling is not the way to go. It just causes problems while the kids are growing up and later on.

I'm guessing kayaker either: a) gave up arguing with all of us. Or b) realized we were right. I highly doubt b.

93- That's freaking intense. I'm sorry you have such a bad relationship with her. :(

In my opinion, the only time I think it's acceptable to read ones diary is when the child has betrayed parents trust about drugs and alcohol. Making sure your child isn't doing anything dangerous and is showing symptoms of alcohol and substance abuse. To break the little privacy teens get over the fact the parent is failing to communicate just shows more how horrible they are in communications. If you are good a parent you don't need to read a diary to see what they are doing.

Parents never understand the impact that this has on kids. Kids look at their parents as someone that will be their for them. Someone they can trust. They want you to be there when they mess up but they want the freedom to make their own mistakes.. How will they learn if they don't do it while they can have support. Breaking that trust is like sayimg their shit and throwing them in the streets.. Thats how it feels to quite a few kids I've talked to like that.. It's horrible what idiotic assholes like you do.. I hope you lose contact with your kids as proof of this.. But I also kind of hope you don't because they may need you for strange reason later on.. I know this will probably be thumb down but I had to get this out there.

101, number of thumbs up doesn't make your comment anymore correct. Feel better knowing at least one other person agrees.

105 I said thumb down and I know it doesn't.. Comment 66 completly pissed me off.

68..

Kayaker, I understand your point, I do, but you have to understand that actions like this will negatively affect your child more than protect them. If you have a good reason to think they are up to something, by all means, snoop away. However, snooping just because you can? No. My mother did that to me. She read my diary, rooted through my bag, read my damn bank book and searched my phone. It DESTROYED my relationship with her, DESTROYED my ability to turn my back on anyone, even close friends. I have issues with trust, even with people who deserve it, because my mother ruined that for me. To this day, more than 10 years later, I resent my mother and do not want any kind of contact with her. And ironically? I was a good kid. No sex til I was 20. Never touched drugs, my first drink was at 21, never even smoked a cigarette. That's why I believe invading someone's privacy and breaking their trust should be a last resort...and if your wrong, you owe the child an apology.

Why the hell has nobody addressed the fact that this "parent" is a bitch? Every comment she drops an insult to somebody where it is completely unnecessary. I was hoping Doc would have arrived by now to put you in your place, but it seems your tirade of bullshit has ended already. Thank god.

31 You do not own a child. You will never have their trust. They will never respect you. Not all teenagers are like that. I am almost 18. I am a virgin. Never touched drugs or alcohol. Hell never even had first kiss. I got trust issues as a little kid because of assholes like you. Guess what I have almost no friends. I dont really talk to anyone outside of school. Those who I text. Not in same state. I honestly believe you should get off this planet. Your just a bitch.

23- I swear to god, people like you should be freaking sterilized. F*ck you, and f*ck your children's lives.

Lilhellian, I am not a bitch and I'm sorry you had a hard time as a little one. My intention was to support this poster who has the right to know if her daughter is going through a rough time. I dont believe a parent has a right to read a diary like she would people magazine, but she does if she is afraid for her daughter. After reading all these comments I will indeed consider the advice. I'm a strong believer in keeping my kids safe and if invading their privacy is what I have to do for a moment of mistrust I would do it in a heart beat. I'm not perfect and have a lot to learn still I know that. Saying I should leave this planet is strong words for wanting to keep my kids safe. Isn't that what a good parent does? Don't teenagers constantly make decisions that make their parents not trust them right? You forgive and move on as a family. If reading a daughters diary completely breaks off a relationship with your parents forever there's a lot more going on then something little that could be said in a diary don't you think? I'm sorry for getting so defensive to everyone there are many good kids out there such as yourself.

I don't think it's bullshit. I do accept that there are circumstances where it is warranted, like if the kid could be putting themselves or another person in danger. Though I think even then they should at least try to talk to the kid first...unless the kid is being really unreasonable or difficult and they can't talk to them. OP should have talked to her daughter or attempted to communicate somehow. If a parent can't talk to their kid...how will the kid learn to talk to them when they need to? I accept that it's the parent's house but I do believe that kids are still entitled to some level of privacy. If parents are going to snoop around their kids things...what does that teach the kid about trust? I'm yet to be the parent in that situation but I was the kid in a similar situation. My mum read a bit of one of my diaries when I was younger. I don't completely distrust her...but I think it's one of the reasons I'm reluctant to let her into some aspects of my life and why I don't feel comfortable talking to her about certain things. Because before then I talked to her about more things, things I keep more to myself now or prefer to share with friends rather than with her. And like others said you don't own your kids. Yes as a parent you have a level of control over what they do, etc until they're 18. But they're not some piece of property or some materialistic item. They're a person like you. And while a parent doesn't have to be their kid's BFF...and I do agree that it's important that they're a parent first, I think that a kid should still be able to consider their parent a friend too.

Hmm. Wonder if we'll see an FML from the daughter's POV? Today I was downstairs when I heard a woman scream. I recognised it as the woman from my diary so I came upstairs to find my mum snooping through it. FML.

Kayaker I do agree there are a few cases where it is allowed.. But they way it was worded made it seem like you think of your kids as slaves or property. And I help kids that have been hurt. I talk to them and all. Thinking of them and some of comments here definately get the better of me.. This fml seems like she was just distanced and not really suspecting of drugs..

I didnt read the entire thread but I imagine it was all the same dribble "respect my privacy, thats why i dont tell my parents anything." Lets face it, your parents are your primary source of income until you can afford to live on your own... That being said, you have no privacy, i fully accepted that and I grew up just fine. Sure i broke the rules but I am greatful my parents have always been there for me. I'll say it again for all you hateful teens out there, privacy is earned not a right.

@148 gabe, ability to support oneself financially =/= right to privacy, all human beings have a right to common privacy unless exhibiting enough signs to warrant an investigation, a parent does not just defaultly have complete access to all their kids time/space/privacy/thoughts simply because the parent protects and provides for the child, that is a parents OBLIGATION, you do not get repaid with 100% obedience and control until they grow up, the only rewards of being a parent are the relationship you hold with the child and watching them grow up and become their own person, being dictator is not a privilege of a parent, its an abuse of the relationship

Kayak, if you were my parent I'd probably kill myself.

Kayaker-I'd be careful just how controlling you are with your child. Ever heard of Catholic Girl Syndrome? Basically, it's when a parent or major authority figure becomes so strict and invasive that as soon as the kid leaves their care, they go completely party crazy and get into heavy and often permanent trouble. I have a close friend who's mom constantly rifles through his stuff, forbids him from going out, and regularly reads through his phone and all his messages, which is about as personal as a diary. He absolutely loathes her. He tells me all the time how awful she is, and even with all her efforts it's only distanced her from him irreparably. He never tells her anything, they have no trust between them, and he STILL gets away with hell behind her back-sex, drugs, alcohol, sneaking out... Don't drive your kids to that in your efforts to protect them.

Why the **** does she have any sort of right to go through her daughters thoughts? Privacy is something that should be very well preserved, even when you live in someone else's house. If you boarded at someone's house, would you want the owner going though your shit? I think not.

25- THANK YOU. I have that type of parent, and guess what? I'm reserved, secretive, and a compulsive liar. Guess whose fault that is? I'm sure you know.

Hey. Kayaker. Whenever you parent kids like you're doing, it just makes them want to go as far away as possible from you. As soon as I get out of the house, my contact with my parents is going to be minimal. Why? Because of their parenting strategies. Before you call me an ingrate, I advise you to think about what you would like your post-college relationship with you child to be.

Thank you gabe I appreciate your comment. As for the comment of "you'd probably kill yourself" from strawberry... I don't even know what to say really. I'm sorry you feel that way. Someday when you have kids maybe you'll understand. A lot of teenagers replied to this post and said they are "perfect" kids and hate their parents for trying to help them the best they could. I honestly feel sorry for all those parents because IF I did it, it would be because my heart is in the right place wanting what's best for them. I won't snoop through my child's things everyday and yes they are my responsibility until they are 18. My kids will have freedom and communication BUT if I thought my child was in trouble as a parent I would do everything I could to protect them. If having a moment of mistrust is what I have to do to make sure they live through their teenage years and if they end up hating me later in life because I did so, at least they lived through it. There's a movie I can't remember the name but it's about a teenage girl who was a good girl who had their parents full trust and she ended up meeting a guy online who was a petifile that raped her. Her parents didn't have a clue because her parents didn't take the time to "snoop" her online chatting. She HATED her parents for snooping but in the end... That may have been prevented by a parent who did.

I looked up the movie I was talking about and ironically it's called "Trust". For everyone who has commented negatively watch it and maybe it will changed your mind about snooping.

That is ONE singled out and fictitious example where snooping would have been a good thing to do. Also, as far as I could see, the ones who are claiming to be "perfect" said that they had parents who trusted them and respected their privacy. The ones who hate their parents, are the ones that had overbearing parents who did not trust them. So please, quit just picking out what you want to hear. And a prime example for this is my sister. She is 12 years old. My mother did everything in her power to shelter her, and went out of her way to try to snoop around and see what she was doing. She now does not trust my mother. She is a compulsive liar who sneaks behind her back to go have sex with her 16 year old boyfriend. Fortunately, I didn't have to live with my mother, so I turned out alright.

Ms Woj do your research this is based on true story of a girl in Chicago. Your sister isn't sleeping around cause of your mom, she sleeping around because she's irresponsible.

23- My mother is just like you. I used to be the perfect kid. Straight A's, college classes at 13, good friends, always behaved. Still, she reads my diary, snoops through my phone, and invades my browser history. Hell, she once picked my bathroom lock to make sure I wasn't doing anything. You know what this taught me? Hey, if I'm being punished already, why not do the crime? I'm taking full responsibility for my actions. I know I was stupid, and it's my fault my life is ****** now. But, still. If my parents had trusted me, I feel like I would've talked to them when I got mixed up with the wrong people. They could have helped me not have a ******* police escort in school at 14. But they demolished all trust I had in them by invading my privacy. Again, I take responsibility for my actions. But my parents, who are just like you, are to blame for the fact that I felt like I couldn't communicate with them and get help.

No. Her sisters not sneaking around because she's irresponsible, she's doing it because she can't trust her mom and its an escape. Take it from someone who was abused and had no privacy with my mom. I snuck around, hid things, argued with everyone, and even tried to run away. But I'm not a bad kid. I never did drugs, had sex, or stolen anything. I'm a really good kid it's just parents like you that practically force their kids to hid and sneak around. It's their escape from the hell they live in at home. So your "protecting" is actually pushing them away and basically saying "please, keep everything from me. Do whatever you want."

yJust because you're not your child's "BFF" doesn't mean that you have a right to sneak around in your child's business and thoughts. How dare any of you say that your child is your property and you have a right to look into what they're doing. How. dare. you. How about you try sitting down with them and having a simple conversation instead of being a blundering idiot and looking through a diary that was meant for PRIVACY. Not letters written to the parent. If you talk to them and be honest with them, guess what? They just might be honest with you in return. Who knew?! Saying that your child is your property and that "they can have privacy when they move out" is like being a dictator. You're saying that your kid is simply NOT ALLOWED to have their own personal thoughts without them being read by someone else? You're a disgrace.

Kayaker83: is the 83 part of your name the year you were born? If so, how old could your kid really be? You already do not trust your child? (Probably not even a teen yet). That kid is going to have major issues when they are a teenager.

@189: *pedophile

What I don't understand is why you think trust and protection are mutually exclusive.

I wouldn't go so far as to call someone you don't know "irresponsible". The fact of the matter is, teenagers do stupid things and no matter how overprotective and invasive a parent is, if the kid wants to have sex and do drugs, they will, they'll just be a lot sneakier. A teenager's actions are based much more on how they're brought up then on how strict their parents are. And also...please don't consider anyone your property. I'm not eighteen, but nobody, including my parents, own me. I'm not a belonging, I have coherent and complex thoughts and can make my own decisions, I'm fairly intelligent, and I share the same equality as any adult, although maybe not all the responsibilities and allowances. I have a lot of friends with very strict parents, and it does one of two things to them: ruins their social lives (and no matter how successful you are in school or financially, it won't matter if you aren't happy socially) or it makes them secretive, degenerate, resentful towards their parents and leads them to delinquency. I'm getting the vibe that you're a bit of a parental tyrant. Trust your kids enough to let them have their own lives-you don't need to be a part of it. They are their own person. Guide them, but don't impose on them.

And what kind of person doesn't have the sense to at least Skype someone or something before meeting them in person? Duh.

The fact that you actually think this way honestly scares me, and I'm sure I'm not the only one. Your child may rely on your for survival until he/she is old enough to live on their own, but for god's sake, kids are still human beings! They have a right to privacy, and to not being treated like property by their parents. Most kids would be terrified of having a parent like you, who uses justification like "I'm trying to keep them safe" as an excuse. You realize how abusive and dysfunctional that is, right? That's like someone who gets pissed at their spouse for having opposite-gender friends telling said spouse "I only do this because I care about you." It's manipulation, not love.

This comment, coupled with your profile info, makes me really want to meet you.

Look a couple comments up. It's stubborn people like that that vote FYL on a clear YDI.