Intimacy: Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't...

By RC3Welly - 09/03/2012 22:58 - United States

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 776

You deserved it 1 824

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Same thing different taste

It's a trap!

By RC3Welly - 09/03/2009 22:58 - United States

I agree, your life sucks 636 920

You deserved it 798 789

By fuckmuppeter512 - 04/01/2014 22:26 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a text from my girlfriend. After only having sex once, where I wore a condom and didn't even get to come, she says that she's pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 875

You deserved it 8 704

By ottawaaa - 27/01/2009 22:26 - Canada

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and as I pulled out to finish I slipped and ended up punching her in the stomach, I came while she was writhing in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 178

You deserved it 10 862

I don't understand!

By Anonymous - 28/11/2019 18:00 - Canada

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for cumming inside her because she did not want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 018

You deserved it 639

Precaution

By Tai - 31/10/2010 13:30 - Australia

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for coming inside her because she didn't want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 590

You deserved it 9 943

By sexisntfun - 30/03/2015 02:13 - United States

Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend, with whom I am genuinely in love. Right after I'd got the condom on, she said, "You do know this is break-up sex, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 323

You deserved it 3 186

By Marco - 01/04/2013 21:00 - United States

Today, I brought a girl home from a bar. Things were getting hot and heavy when she asked if I had a condom. I opened my wallet to grab the one I keep in there, only to find the empty wrapper in its place; it was the only one I had. It seems drunk me is a bigger jerk than I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 016

You deserved it 45 626

By air - 13/07/2009 09:17 - United States

Today, I found out I was pregnant. When I told my boyfriend that I couldn't believe this happened he said, "I'm not going to lie, I didn't always pull out fast." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 673

You deserved it 89 256

Wrap it up

By Anonymous - 03/09/2023 14:00

Today, the one time, THE ONE TIME, we ran out of condoms and had sex anyway, my girlfriend got pregnant, even though she’s on the pill. I didn’t even orgasm inside her, I had to do a Google search to learn that live sperm can emerge and go inside her even before I orgasm. We are so screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 251

You deserved it 794

By wtfjusthappened - 31/01/2014 15:29 - United States - Redmond

Today, I went down on the girl of my dreams. While I was down there, I started to put on a condom. As I came back up to start having sex, she told me she couldn't cheat on her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 834

You deserved it 13 051

citylights 0

Tuesday 10 March 2009 9:07

hahahahahaha that is ******

Anony_fml 0

Tuesday 10 March 2009 9:07

Pull out method doesn't work. You're ****** for life.

Comments

xzacharyx 0

Friday 13 March 2009 15:57

OH MY ******* GODDDD!!! THIS IS ******* FUNNY AS HELL!!! :) sorry but thats great.

fullofawesome 0

Friday 13 March 2009 17:26

To everyone who is convinced that the pull out method doesn't work: http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/birth-control/withdrawal-pull-out-method-4218.htm According to PP, as long as you do it right, you're pretty ******' safe. Bitch was crazy, your life is ******. End of story.

fullofawesome 0

Friday 13 March 2009 17:30

Oh, and semen is only in pre-ejaculatory fluid if you've already orgasmed that day. Taking a piss gets rid of all of it.

zarfos 0

Friday 13 March 2009 19:37

EDIT: Just read the last 2 comments, so I acknowledge this might be wrong. But I like my theory and am posting anyways. Pullout is the worst method. Your precum gets out anyway. And with so little competition, the dumbest, laziest sperm can make it to the egg - even if it takes 5 days to break the wall. If you're going without a jacket, you'd better give her the full blast. You'll have a much better chance at happiness as a father. BTW - one of those "addicted to mothering" types pulled that shit on me as well, but I broke loose. Apparently not an uncommon thing.

magiczipperman 0

Friday 13 March 2009 22:21

you shoulda beat the sh!t out of that c*nt

constamapation 0

Friday 13 March 2009 23:33

dude i don't care what Planned Parenthood says, I don't trust pulling out as a method of birth control.

scurry1101 0

Saturday 14 March 2009 0:14

For all of those who are trying to say that pulling out can be an effective method, please pass on the link to all this information backing up the effective use of the pull out method to me so that I may share it with my two best friends who had mastered the pull out method shortly before becoming twenty something fathers.

scurry1101 0

Saturday 14 March 2009 0:24

Also, to the person that did post a link to Planned Parenthoods little page on what is officially called Withdrawal, this page states that this method should not be used by younger members of the male demorgraphic as they have less experience and less self control. Something tells me that a majority of the people making comments here, including the guy this happened to, aren't 30 something sexually experienced MEN. Having sex when you're a teenager and in your early twenties doesn't make you 'experienced.' It just means you managed to get your rocks off before you knew what you were doing.