Intimacy: Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't...

By RC3Welly - 09/03/2012 22:58 - United States

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 776

You deserved it 1 824

New Year, New Blunders
Celebrate the New Year with stories of resolutions broken in less than 24 hours and memorable New Year's Eves... for all the wrong reasons! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

It's a trap!

By RC3Welly - 09/03/2009 22:58 - United States

I agree, your life sucks 636 920

You deserved it 798 789

By fuckmuppeter512 - 04/01/2014 22:26 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a text from my girlfriend. After only having sex once, where I wore a condom and didn't even get to come, she says that she's pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 875

You deserved it 8 704

By ottawaaa - 27/01/2009 22:26 - Canada

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and as I pulled out to finish I slipped and ended up punching her in the stomach, I came while she was writhing in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 178

You deserved it 10 862

I don't understand!

By Anonymous - 28/11/2019 18:00 - Canada

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for cumming inside her because she did not want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 018

You deserved it 639

Precaution

By Tai - 31/10/2010 13:30 - Australia

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for coming inside her because she didn't want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 590

You deserved it 9 943

By sexisntfun - 30/03/2015 02:13 - United States

Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend, with whom I am genuinely in love. Right after I'd got the condom on, she said, "You do know this is break-up sex, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 323

You deserved it 3 186

By Marco - 01/04/2013 21:00 - United States

Today, I brought a girl home from a bar. Things were getting hot and heavy when she asked if I had a condom. I opened my wallet to grab the one I keep in there, only to find the empty wrapper in its place; it was the only one I had. It seems drunk me is a bigger jerk than I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 016

You deserved it 45 626

By air - 13/07/2009 09:17 - United States

Today, I found out I was pregnant. When I told my boyfriend that I couldn't believe this happened he said, "I'm not going to lie, I didn't always pull out fast." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 673

You deserved it 89 256

Wrap it up

By Anonymous - 03/09/2023 14:00

Today, the one time, THE ONE TIME, we ran out of condoms and had sex anyway, my girlfriend got pregnant, even though she’s on the pill. I didn’t even orgasm inside her, I had to do a Google search to learn that live sperm can emerge and go inside her even before I orgasm. We are so screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 251

You deserved it 794

By wtfjusthappened - 31/01/2014 15:29 - United States - Redmond

Today, I went down on the girl of my dreams. While I was down there, I started to put on a condom. As I came back up to start having sex, she told me she couldn't cheat on her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 834

You deserved it 13 051

citylights 0

Tuesday 10 March 2009 9:07

hahahahahaha that is ******

Anony_fml 0

Tuesday 10 March 2009 9:07

Pull out method doesn't work. You're ****** for life.

Comments

The_Samurai 0

Saturday 14 March 2009 3:23

Well, if she's pregnant...it's the baby that's ******...not you. The baby is the only innocent party in the whole mess or irresponsibility. And of course, the great laws of our country allow the mother to be custodian of the child, even if she's evil and crazy.... Get a goo lawyer and don't take her ******* bullshit!

darlingseas 0

Saturday 14 March 2009 3:40

HAHAHAHAHA

_kaitlin 0

Saturday 14 March 2009 3:56

Which is why you shouldn't have drunk sex with girls you don't know, genius.

AsianSensation 0

Saturday 14 March 2009 5:53

bahahahha hilarious you kinda deserved it, though i love crazy chicks they keep the world interesting

asdtertrwttewt 2

Saturday 14 March 2009 12:58

Who cares if she is pregnant. HE can choose whether to recognise the child. She can't. She will get the baby and the work. He can choose. She is fubar, she just don't know it yet. The saddest thing btw isn't std's or protection issues. It is that this crazy women is going to FAIL at bringing up a not just-as-crazy-as-she child. And then all of us will have to pay the price when childcare takes it away.

jnef02 0

Saturday 14 March 2009 15:39

I've had nightmares about something like this happening, but DAMN, I'd never heard of it for real. What a ******* nutcase!

generalnothing 0

Saturday 14 March 2009 17:39

i'm not sure who i feel worse for, the possible bastard child with a self-pitying and irresponsible piss-poor excuse for a role-model of a father, or the homely and overweight psychopath bar slag who couldn't make her life miserable enough as it was and therefore both drunkenly and arbitrarily chose you to be the bastard self-pitying and irresponsible piss-poor excuse for a role-model of a father for her child. and even if she doesn't get pregnant, there's still a good chance that you have some ungodly horrible std that you'll probably just pass off to some other random drunk, homely, and overweight bar slag with low self-esteem and poor morals. the sad thing is that studies have proven those are gradually becoming the only people who are procreating anymore. no offense or anything.

geeknik 3

Saturday 14 March 2009 19:07

What kind of moron goes around ******* girls without a condom in this day and age? I hope your dick falls off AND you have to pay child support for the next 18 years!