Intimacy: Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't...

By RC3Welly - 09/03/2012 22:58 - United States

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 776

You deserved it 1 824

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

It's a trap!

By RC3Welly - 09/03/2009 22:58 - United States

I agree, your life sucks 636 920

You deserved it 798 789

By fuckmuppeter512 - 04/01/2014 22:26 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a text from my girlfriend. After only having sex once, where I wore a condom and didn't even get to come, she says that she's pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 875

You deserved it 8 704

By ottawaaa - 27/01/2009 22:26 - Canada

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and as I pulled out to finish I slipped and ended up punching her in the stomach, I came while she was writhing in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 178

You deserved it 10 862

I don't understand!

By Anonymous - 28/11/2019 18:00 - Canada

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for cumming inside her because she did not want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 018

You deserved it 639

Precaution

By Tai - 31/10/2010 13:30 - Australia

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for coming inside her because she didn't want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 590

You deserved it 9 943

By sexisntfun - 30/03/2015 02:13 - United States

Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend, with whom I am genuinely in love. Right after I'd got the condom on, she said, "You do know this is break-up sex, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 323

You deserved it 3 186

By Marco - 01/04/2013 21:00 - United States

Today, I brought a girl home from a bar. Things were getting hot and heavy when she asked if I had a condom. I opened my wallet to grab the one I keep in there, only to find the empty wrapper in its place; it was the only one I had. It seems drunk me is a bigger jerk than I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 016

You deserved it 45 626

By air - 13/07/2009 09:17 - United States

Today, I found out I was pregnant. When I told my boyfriend that I couldn't believe this happened he said, "I'm not going to lie, I didn't always pull out fast." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 673

You deserved it 89 256

Wrap it up

By Anonymous - 03/09/2023 14:00

Today, the one time, THE ONE TIME, we ran out of condoms and had sex anyway, my girlfriend got pregnant, even though she’s on the pill. I didn’t even orgasm inside her, I had to do a Google search to learn that live sperm can emerge and go inside her even before I orgasm. We are so screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 251

You deserved it 794

By wtfjusthappened - 31/01/2014 15:29 - United States - Redmond

Today, I went down on the girl of my dreams. While I was down there, I started to put on a condom. As I came back up to start having sex, she told me she couldn't cheat on her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 834

You deserved it 13 051

citylights 0

Tuesday 10 March 2009 9:07

hahahahahaha that is ******

Anony_fml 0

Tuesday 10 March 2009 9:07

Pull out method doesn't work. You're ****** for life.

Comments

ohwowthatsucks25 0

Saturday 14 March 2009 22:32

but then again, she may not have ended up getting pregnant. i hope not

squeaky_fml 0

Sunday 15 March 2009 0:23

Don't have sex without a condom. Don't have drunk sex. Don't have sex with people before you have had a chance to determine whether on not they are absolutely ******* insane. I hope she's not pregnant for the child's sake. I'd be willing to bet a fairly large sum of money that you already have some sort of STD and don't know it. How long does it take to go to Walgreens and pick up some condoms? Seriously, people.

brianna_perry234 0

Wednesday 17 March 2010 18:32

Well my dad went to walgreens a couple years ago to get me some Motrins beacuse I had a really bad headache. By the time that he had gotten back, which was about 45 minutes later, I had thrown up and had a fever. And then when he walks through the door I asked him where he was and he said that he had trouble finding my Motrins when he's lived in this city for about 30 some years and we go to the same walgreens all the time and pretty much know that place from aisle to aisle. So it might take long than you think:)

Gloeihdamae 0

Sunday 15 March 2009 5:41

You deserved it, dumbass. She's a bitch, though, so falcon punch.

poptartevil 0

Sunday 15 March 2009 6:14

Ok, for the record, pregnant bitches can just be fed booze and dropped down some stairs

poptartevil 0

Sunday 15 March 2009 6:15

Deal

rawchelllll 0

Sunday 15 March 2009 6:45

Haha there's the morning after pill but ya that's ******. And HAHAH #92 and #105- Someone must listen to Dane Cook.

ashleyy_fml 0

Sunday 15 March 2009 8:30

#9, if a guy comes inside of you, there's definitely a pretty good chance you'll get pregnant despite what time of her cycle she's at, it's just a really high chance during those few days in the middle. There's no point in the cycle that makes you not able to get pregnant. And #52, it's actually better for girls to carry condoms, not guys, because guys put them in their wallets, which creates heat and friction and makes then thinner, making them more susceptible to breaking. So good job carrying them #74, that's probably the best method to go with. Lmfao