Miscellaneous: Today, I had to blow up an air mattress using only my lungs.... - FML

FML for mobile
Free

Open in app

By ven980 - 01/06/2011 21:21 - United States

Today, I had to blow up an air mattress using only my lungs. After nearly passing out from lack of oxygen, I realized there was a hole in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 852

You deserved it 29 527

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By guyshithappensto - 22/05/2010 02:41 - United States

Today, I fell asleep in class. If that wasn't bad enough, I awoke gasping for air. I almost drowned in my arm fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 120

You deserved it 41 729

By jazthefish - 12/07/2010 19:42 - United States

Today, I drew a face on a balloon and pretended to make out with it. The balloon popped and shot to the back of my throat, where it got caught. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 809

You deserved it 71 746

Weak

By Heavybreather - 13/02/2017 12:00 - United States - Athens

Today, after climbing 5 flights of stairs I walked into the restroom to take a piss. I was winded but trying to keep my heavy breathing to a minimum. My plan failed when I almost fainted inbetween two guys at the urinal and started gasping for air. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 874

You deserved it 1 133

Return to sender

By Anonymous - 18/03/2024 03:00 - United States - Madison

Today, I woke up at 2 a.m. with an extremely satisfying fart. It felt great and I probably would have fallen right back to sleep, except that my ass was 8 inches from the air intake of my CPAP machine that I use, due to smoke inhalation damage from being a firefighter. It was so gross that I threw up in the CPAP mask. FML

I agree, your life sucks 541

You deserved it 245

Fresh and not Fit

By Anonymous - 14/06/2011 01:08 - United States

Today, I ran out of breath while mowing the lawn. I was on a riding lawn mower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 817

You deserved it 54 650

By doggybag - 24/09/2009 05:17 - Canada

Today, I was walking my dogs. I had a doggy bag, and was holding it closed, then breathing in it, so it would blow up. My dogs 'went', so I picked it up and kept walking. As I was heading home, I absent-mindedly started blowing into the bag again. Everything ended up in my mouth and on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 779

You deserved it 80 952

By Anonymous - 16/01/2017 20:00

Today, I was pumping the tire of my bicycle indoors, and suddenly the inner tube exploded next to my head. One ear is now ringing and the other one feels like it's bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 186

You deserved it 1 041

Surprise

By Anonymous - 10/01/2011 19:14 - United States

Today, I was drinking a bottle of water. My friend came up from behind and scared me, causing me to inhale and choke on the water. Lacking air, I passed out. I awoke to him on the ground laughing his ass off. I almost drowned drinking a bottle of water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 343

You deserved it 4 365

This is not a drill

By Anonymous - 26/04/2025 00:00 - United States

Today, my office building had a surprise fire drill. As I rushed to exit, I realized that I’d put on a shirt that was way too tight. It felt like it was practically cutting off my circulation, and I couldn’t breathe too well. I tried to suck in my stomach but almost passed out in the process. I spent the rest of the drill struggling with my shirt while people gave me weird looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 432

By LiveGuard - 28/03/2012 05:30 - United States

Today, I was taking a lifeguard certification test. I nearly drowned halfway through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 858

You deserved it 22 330

Next

Top comments

FruityLoooons 8

Thursday 2 June 2011 8:51

Why would you even...?

Sephiroth7 0

Thursday 2 June 2011 9:11

That blows..

Comments

LilaBear 1

Thursday 2 June 2011 14:20

What was it, a double bed? I've blown up a single mattress tons of times, even when I was a kid.

geeksaresexy 18

Thursday 2 June 2011 19:41

It's not much harder to blow up a double tbh. Getting it started is frustrating because it looks like you're getting nowhere for ages which is probably how OP didn't notice there was a hole in it.

LilaBear 1

Thursday 2 June 2011 14:24

have you ever seen an airbed with a hole in it before? Air beds normally get very very little holes, and you can't hear the air coming out unless you stick your ear right against the hole. It's not like letting a balloon down.

perdix 29

Thursday 2 June 2011 15:02

Air mattress? Nice try! We all know you were trying to inflate your girlfriend for some hot sex, and we all know how she got the hole punched in her, needle dick. You must always use a water-based lube when ******* polymeric girlfriends...or so I've heard.

SwaggerMelon 6

Thursday 2 June 2011 15:03

That's what she said.

heyimjennyFML 5

Thursday 2 June 2011 15:18

dumbasssss

rhpsfan9 10

Thursday 2 June 2011 15:54

took you that long to realize that the mattress had a hole?

hatepineapple 14

Thursday 2 June 2011 17:19

Duct Tape it mate.

KatehatesIndy 4

Thursday 2 June 2011 17:57

Homeschool kids. Jesus.

khaya 9

Thursday 2 June 2011 20:29

Don't be ashamed we all know it was a blow up doll. Let's just not get into why there was a hole.

doubleodoggy 0

Thursday 2 June 2011 20:35

That's what SHE said!

1
2
3
4
5

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Heatwave Miscellaneous Insects Cats Summer Virginity Kids Weird Parenting Family Thief Food Technology Scary Health Fear Animals Dogs Pranks Cute Proposal Awkward Embarrassing Job interview Work Relatable Sports Dentist Management Parents

The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Feeling goofy, I thought it’d be funny to try to reenact that horrible sex scene from the movie Showgirls. I threw my body back, but completely lost my balance and smashed my head on the headboard. I ended up with a bad concussion and a huge hospital bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 850

You deserved it 2 183

Today, I stopped at Starbucks to get tea before work and was surprised that there wasn't a line. As I was leaving, the automatic door closed, knocking my tea out of my hand. I headed back in, only to discover a huge line had formed and they made me pay for the replacement that their door spilled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 030

You deserved it 796

The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time. He was sucking on my boob, everything was going good. He suddenly stopped and started choking really bad. He thought milk was coming out. Turns out, it was just his gum. The moment was ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 470

You deserved it 3 769

Today, my manager said I could go on a break when he came back from his. After 7 hours with him still missing, I started to get dizzy. I ended up passing out and hitting my head on a ladder from lack of food. I woke up in the hospital to a card from my manager saying, "Get Well. Don't Sue." FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 540

You deserved it 591

Today, a water snake slithered into our pool. He can have it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 554

You deserved it 544

Today, I accidentally stepped on the metal prongs of an extension cord. After pulling it out of my sock, I noticed that all three of the prongs were covered in blood; they penetrated my foot. It bled like a gunshot wound for several minutes, and now my foot is unbearably sore, making it painful to walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 168

You deserved it 226

Today, I learned that the hardest part of marrying a historian is choosing baby names. His top choices derive from two Roman magistrates, two abbesses, a tenth-century author, and an obscure Greek official. I already let him name our pug, for whom he chose the name "Tertullianus." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 630

You deserved it 1 513

Today, while lying in bed with my boyfriend after some steamy lovemaking, he sat up, slapped my ass with excruciating force, and screamed, "I AM THE THUNDER!" directly into my ear. It seems our senses of humor differ considerably. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 745

You deserved it 6 669