Kids: Today, I had to grab a large kitchen knife from my son, after...

By Anonymous - 14/10/2015 14:29 - United States - Atwater

Today, I had to grab a large kitchen knife from my son, after I heard him convince his friend to join him in cutting off his finger, so they could "be assassins like Ezio." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 656

You deserved it 3 110

Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Let it bleed

By breza - 01/07/2022 14:00 - Slovenia

Today, while trying to put something into the almost full waste bin, I cut myself with a razor blade that my son had thrown in there. It was surprisingly sharp, and my finger started pissing blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 785

You deserved it 185

By Anonymous - 13/08/2019 02:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was helping tidy up after my girlfriend's flat warming. I went to put a sharp kitchen knife in the sink while she was washing dishes, and stabbed her in the finger instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 132

You deserved it 989

Kitchen Nightmares

By just the tip, though - 28/01/2014 17:06 - United States - Grovetown

Today, at work teaching a cooking class, one of the kids asked if they could use a knife to help me chop vegetables. I said no, because it was very sharp and only staff members are allowed to use them. Just as I said that, the knife sliced through the tip of my thumb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 024

You deserved it 11 934

By female - 31/12/2018 20:00

Today, my nineteen-year-old son attempted to mug me. With a screwdriver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 909

You deserved it 370

911 please

By hurts - 04/05/2009 18:48 - Canada

Today, I was helping my friend wash dishes. As I went to grab some tongs to dry them, I impaled my forearm on a knife that was sticking blade up. My friend wanted to finish the dishes before taking me to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 671

You deserved it 4 994

By Anonymous - 16/05/2019 22:00

Today, I learned how to sharpen a knife. I sharpened it so well that it went through my finger like a lightsaber. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 651

You deserved it 487

By tylerlove361 - 11/02/2009 05:30 - United States

Today, I cut myself with child-proof scissors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 077

You deserved it 34 033

By Prae - 01/10/2012 05:47 - United States - Dallas

Today, I washed the dishes for my mom while she was out, as they seemed to be piling up. I accidentally sliced my hand with a knife in the process. After a trip to the hospital, it was revealed she'd been leaving those dishes there "to teach dad a lesson." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 683

You deserved it 2 118

By quit fucking up my life - 23/11/2013 01:08 - United States - Kenai

Today, my dad met my boyfriend for the first time. He soon "casually" took a huge knife from the kitchen drawer and told my boyfriend that he's always wondered what it'd be like to stab someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 658

You deserved it 4 921

Stay out of the kitchen

By Anonymous - 19/11/2022 00:00

Today, as part of his crusade to drive me mad by “helping” in the kitchen, my dad used an entire bottle of expensive olive oil I brought from Greece to make fried bread for his breakfast, and he used the edge of my Japanese chef's knife to loosen a screw, so it now has a giant hairline crack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 143

You deserved it 123

TMO2142 25

Thursday 15 October 2015 0:45

Ezio has all his fingers though

bnbhimp 10

Thursday 15 October 2015 0:44

Dum dum dumb

Comments

jumpshot32 11

Thursday 15 October 2015 1:37

Hopefully you live in a 1 story house or else you might find him jumping off the roof

RedWolf16 21

Thursday 18 October 2018 2:48

Hopefully, OP can make a pile leaves or a haystack to cushion his fall.

newburton13 26

Thursday 15 October 2015 1:45

Ezio never cut off his fingers. His ancestors did so they could use hidden blades, but by the time Ezio came around hidden blades didn't require someone to cut off a finger.