Love: Today, I heard vibrating from inside my husband's desk drawer....

By Anonymous - 04/12/2011 23:52 - United States

Today, I heard vibrating from inside my husband's desk drawer. Since he's away for the weekend, I investigated. I found an unfamiliar cellphone with an inbound call. I answered it. Turns out, it was his mistress. Neither of us can get a hold of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 155

You deserved it 3 442

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By badwife - 07/11/2009 10:22 - Japan

Today, my husband left his phone at home. I looked through his contacts and found a person named "The Bitch." Being very curious, I called "The Bitch" to see who it was. My phone rang. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 390

You deserved it 17 366

By Katie - 09/10/2012 05:42 - United States - Homewood

Today, I received frantic calls and messages from my husband wondering where I was and if I was cheating on him. I was in the same house as him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 206

You deserved it 2 097

By scumbag - 05/11/2009 10:12 - United States

Today, I got a call from the guy I have been seeing. I wasn't him. It was his wife wondering why I have her husband's number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 150

You deserved it 6 428

By MyLife - 06/02/2013 08:04

Today, my husband decided to start seeing other people. I found out when I called and interrupted his date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 584

You deserved it 2 632

By Whoops - 28/01/2010 20:21 - France

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a make-out session in the backseat of his car, when we heard a voice coming from his pants. Who did he pocket dial? My house. At midnight, when I was supposed to be home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 466

You deserved it 36 478

By Soontobeex - 15/09/2009 21:44 - United States

Today, I decided to go through my husband's phone to make sure I invited everyone to the surprise party I was planning for him. There were a few I had missed so I called to let them know about it. The last number I called was his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 589

You deserved it 4 678

Freakout

By Anonymous - 04/01/2012 17:00 - United States

Today, when I woke up I checked my phone for messages, only to hear a woman screaming that I have been sleeping with her husband and that she is sending her 'people' after me. I have never met said husband. I panicked for hours only to receive a call telling me she had dialed the wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 234

You deserved it 2 839

By Anonymous - 19/09/2010 14:12 - United States

Today, I found out that my husband keeps in contact with the woman he was infatuated with in high school. He texts her more than he texts me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 471

You deserved it 4 216

By Anonymous - 28/09/2013 04:08 - United States - Bloomdale

Today, my husband and I switched phones by accident. I've already received several naked pictures from one of his co-workers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 774

You deserved it 4 403

There's no such thing as a coincidence

By Anonymous - 15/10/2022 18:00

Today, I ran into my husband and his mistress. He was picking her up at the airport. I was catching a flight to a conference with my boss. He had flowers for her, and his arm around her. My boss knows my husband as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 069

You deserved it 119

hbcbmx 5

Monday 5 December 2011 2:13

Change the locks while hes gone ;)

geod69 8

Monday 5 December 2011 2:14

Probably with his other mistress

Comments

TheWetzel 5

Monday 5 December 2011 5:49

That's because he is the mistress. I dunno, some people make jacking off exciting...

indistructo 3

Monday 5 December 2011 5:52

why would he have a mistress?! some people...

Rasetsu 10

Monday 5 December 2011 5:53

Why do I always grin at these? If I was her I'd be sharpening my chain saw, not laughing.

criminalmindsfan 0

Monday 5 December 2011 6:08

Dude, I'm sorry, that must really suck :(

Maxgolub 13

Monday 5 December 2011 6:14

Maybe he went to go die like scum like that should

conholio33 28

Monday 5 December 2011 6:14

So sorry OP why not change the locks while hes gone that will shock him when he cant get back into the house

tsim_fml 0

Monday 5 December 2011 6:21

same?

BRidgetg123 0

Monday 5 December 2011 6:24

you just HAVE to fart in his face!!

NickiLovesChris 2

Thursday 8 December 2011 23:06

WTF?

Monkeybuttcream 4

Monday 5 December 2011 6:39

The solution is simple... 1. Enter the settings of the phone to find the phone number. 2. Pay a transvestite hooker ( from Craigslist) (one whom specifically has herpiganasifilaids) to request a meet with the husband under false pretenses ( perhaps as a friend of the mistress) in a poorly lit motel 6 economy suite. Specifically instruct the prostitute that the male would like this video taped and is into domination and bondage (and that the safeword is "enter wife's name here") Meanwhile, the wife would log into the husband's Facebook account change the status to "single" and post that he is no longer into tacos (include the link to the life motel 6 camera feed). Easy enough.