Intimacy: Today, I'm too sunburned to masturbate. Now I have nothing to...

By Anonymous - 31/05/2011 11:21

Today, I'm too sunburned to masturbate. Now I have nothing to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 776

You deserved it 69 857

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Same thing different taste

By MyHeadHurts - 20/01/2012 10:42 - Ireland

Today, I got bored looking at porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 214

You deserved it 39 614

Take it easy on yourself

By Anonymous - 25/04/2022 00:01

Today, I came back home from a holiday with family. Finally being on my own, I did some catching up on my masturbation. I have jerked off so much and/or so vigorously, I now have a carpet burn on my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 320

You deserved it 1 662

By Lonely - 02/01/2010 10:30 - United States

Today, I fell asleep while masturbating. I'm so bad that I bore myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 435

You deserved it 7 458

By Colton - 20/12/2011 02:29 - United States

Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 978

You deserved it 50 602

Rubbing it in

By Anonymous - 12/03/2022 22:00

Today, since splitting up with my girlfriend, I’ve watched so much porn I think I’ve given myself a friction burn on my clit, so now not only does it hurt to even walk normally, it’s way too painful to masturbate, so I’m now horny all the frigging time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 574

You deserved it 1 281

Bang one out

By exhausted without relief - 08/02/2023 14:00

Today, I’ve been so stressed out lately about my health and mounting bills that my insomnia has returned with vengeance. I thought I’d masturbate to help get some relief, but turns out I’m too tired to even do the deed. Too exhausted to release, but my brain still won’t let me sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 081

You deserved it 171

Can't be bothered

By Anonymous - 06/07/2019 00:30

Today, I realised just how lazy I am when I was about to masturbate, but decided not to because I didn't want to put in the effort. FML

I agree, your life sucks 915

You deserved it 1 738

By Anonymous - 04/08/2010 10:24 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to moisturise my dog's testicles because they got sunburnt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 360

You deserved it 7 945

By RyanM - 13/02/2011 09:01 - Canada

Today, I realized how out of shape I am, when I couldn't finish masturbating because I ran out of breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 988

You deserved it 64 721

Bad ********

By testacular - 25/03/2014 21:20 - United Kingdom - Plymouth

Today, due to a combination of boredom and a faulty hair dryer, I now have singed pubes and burned balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 662

You deserved it 55 840

Tadeusz_fml 5

Tuesday 31 May 2011 15:48

Get a hobby. Get help. Go do it now. Also, how did you sunburn your area or the palm of your hands?

DalPozzo13 10

Tuesday 31 May 2011 15:49

Get a girlfriend, that will solve your problem

Comments

steelersfan3250 0

Tuesday 31 May 2011 20:04

thats just f*ckin saud dude

gr3ymask 0

Tuesday 31 May 2011 20:06

How did "that area" get sunburned?

lingeman 0

Tuesday 31 May 2011 20:16

You sick bastard!

cjn731 0

Tuesday 31 May 2011 20:17

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA NICE

guitarist1071995 0

Tuesday 31 May 2011 20:35

get a life moron. if all you have to do is jack off you need to get out more

theotherguy89 0

Tuesday 31 May 2011 20:39

nothing was ever said about gender, could just as easily been female.....

jadenstigman 0

Tuesday 31 May 2011 20:43

go watch some great videos for the family like human centipede, 1 guy 1 jar, and the poo button.

ieatvegatarens 0

Tuesday 31 May 2011 21:02

read this FML and it made my day. FML

koreangirl92 0

Tuesday 31 May 2011 21:26

wow thanks for sharing.

starwind3438 9

Tuesday 31 May 2011 21:32

I hate how FMLs like this one get posted and I have submitted ones that are better than this don't. I don't see how that works.

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The Top

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The Top

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You deserved it 1 635

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I agree, your life sucks 63

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I agree, your life sucks 447

You deserved it 134

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I agree, your life sucks 47 951

You deserved it 3 847

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I agree, your life sucks 10 618

You deserved it 42 665