Love: Today, I planted a bit of a condom wrapper in my bed so my housekeeper...

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By PJ. - 05/01/2010 14:06 - United States

Today, I planted a bit of a condom wrapper in my bed so my housekeeper would think I have a love life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 514

You deserved it 35 174

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 31/07/2012 03:36 - United States - Chicago

Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 456

You deserved it 42 578

The Three Bears Conundrum

By Madison43097 - 24/09/2009 20:57 - United States

Today, I was cleaning out from underneath my bed and found a used condom. I've never had sex in my own room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 813

You deserved it 2 547

By Dickhead - 25/11/2011 15:02 - Lebanon

Today, I found a condom on my bed with a note written by my girlfriend that said, "Since you started acting like a dick, you might as well dress like one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 543

You deserved it 62 324

To do what?

By Anonymous - 02/04/2022 02:00 - Australia - Shailer Park

Today, I opened my boyfriend's bedside table drawer. There was a condom wrapper in there. We don't use condoms. He claims he didn’t have sex with anybody, he just wanted to put the condom over his hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 086

You deserved it 207

Ewwwwww

By Faluna - 17/02/2011 21:27 - Sweden

Today, I found out that the mysterious yellow mould that won't come off my apartment floor is in fact the remains of a condom my room-mate used when she was f*cking her boyfriend in my bed. Afterwards, she apparently threw it on the floor and let it lie there. For three weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 354

You deserved it 4 223

By Jake - 02/10/2012 11:52 - United States - Athens

Today, I woke up with a used condom on my face. Turns out my roommate had sex with his girlfriend during the night and instead of getting up and throwing it away, he decided to throw it across the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 625

You deserved it 2 815

By Anonymous - 08/10/2009 16:32 - United States

Today, at work, my husband came in and brought me flowers and a card for our anniversary. I opened the card to find a condom. I ran over and closed the door and we immediately got at it in the middle of my office. Halfway through, I realized I have been laying on the intercom button. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 247

You deserved it 37 158

By Sal - 09/02/2009 18:32 - United States

Today, I found a used condom and wrapper in the bathroom trash can at my girlfriends house. The condom is not a brand I've ever used. She lives alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 800

You deserved it 5 289

By anonymous - 08/01/2015 19:10 - United States - Noblesville

Today, after getting into bed, I found a used condom under my covers. I asked my roommate about it. She freely admitted that since my bed was comfier than hers, she had sex with her boyfriend on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 168

You deserved it 3 380

By peridot1aa - 24/10/2018 03:00

Today, I was cleaning out my room and picked up my bed and found a condom. I'm 15 and still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 621

You deserved it 233

moronslayer 0

Tuesday 5 January 2010 20:46

if you're rich enough for a house keeper you're rich enough for a prostitute

CallMeHush 0

Tuesday 5 January 2010 20:05

Why are you trying to impress the housekeeper? She isn't going to give you any play. What did you do with the rest of it? Swallow?

Comments

thriller591 0

Monday 11 January 2010 20:22

dude at least u acctually have a comdom to use hheey why dont u get wif ur house keeper

Apple_pie777 0

Sunday 12 December 2010 9:07

fail

wafflesgirl24 0

Wednesday 23 February 2011 2:44

Awwww poor you

rockyraccoon5 0

Tuesday 16 August 2011 2:30

She'll probably be like, "oh my, did I leave that there?"

sjerkins 0

Wednesday 14 December 2011 21:09

Thats not something I would be admitting to people .

fifa121212 4

Wednesday 4 January 2012 9:04

Hahaha

Norja 33

Tuesday 21 May 2013 3:27

what makes you think your housekeeper gives a rat's ass about your life?

miss_taylorb 11

Friday 6 December 2013 3:46

The fact that you have a housekeeper is good enough to make your life great.

lokland 12

Friday 25 April 2014 22:07

Trying to impress your housekeeper? Geez, maybe you should actually try a love life before whining about it on website

asira 2

Saturday 20 June 2015 10:51

Why are you so self-conscious? Nobody cares

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The Top

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 790

You deserved it 1 876

Today, I was looking at baby photos of me with my mom. I realized that I was making a funny face in some of them, particularly when smiling. I asked my mom if that was a silly face I used to like making. She replied, "Oh, Honey no, you had Bell's Palsy until you were two." FML

I agree, your life sucks 849

You deserved it 96

The Top

Today, I was helping my elderly dementia client with her toilet. I reached in both front and back to pull up her pants for her. "Not too hard, nice and easy..." she said with a weird smile. I looked over to see I was actually pulling her nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 152

You deserved it 676

Today, I was waiting downstairs at my boyfriend's house as he got ready to go. His mom came over and said she was so glad her son had met me, that I made him really happy. I smiled thinking how nice that was of her to say. She then continued, "Still, he tells me anal is a no?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 537

You deserved it 3 728

Today, I sent a kinky text message to my boyfriend. Within minutes I got a reply of, "Whoever this is, fuck off and give my girlfriend's phone back." Apparently I'm so bad at writing sexy messages that my boyfriend thought it was a prank from someone who'd stolen my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 988

You deserved it 10 765

Today, I bought an iPhone SE, so my mom decided to sell my old iPhone 5 on Craigslist. Since the 5 and SE look exactly the same, she ended up selling my SE instead of the 5 for $100. The buyer refuses to give it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 033

You deserved it 2 125

Today, it's been a week that my girlfriend has been mad at me but still won’t tell me why, but then she came on to me all sexy like, so I thought all was forgiven. Nope, she was just horny. Once she got her orgasm, she left me blue-balled, went right back to being mad at me, and still won’t explain why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 403

You deserved it 355

Today, I went back to work after being sick for a week. While I was gone, they hired a new manager. Trying to score bonus points, and possibly a raise, I went to shake her hand and introduce myself. Just as I was about to say, "Hello, my name is…" I sneezed right in her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 897

You deserved it 6 451

Same thing different taste

The Three Bears Conundrum

To do what?

Ewwwwww

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