Geek: Today, I purposely went offline on Facebook chat, just so people...

By NoLife - 15/05/2011 18:49 - United States

Today, I purposely went offline on Facebook chat, just so people would think I actually have a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 081

You deserved it 34 726

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Same thing different taste

Nice try

By No.Life. - 14/07/2010 04:09 - United States

Today, I decided not to go on Facebook so people would actually think that I have a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 539

You deserved it 32 573

By Kimberly - 22/10/2009 12:26 - France

Today, I realized that I lie to my friends online and go "offline" for hours at a time so it appears that I have a life outside of the internet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 076

You deserved it 35 115

By :/ - 01/10/2013 10:18

Today, I purposely set my phone off in class to make it seem like I had friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 255

You deserved it 17 482

By tbeemcgeebee - 01/08/2010 05:05 - United States

Today, at 2 am on a Saturday, I purposely updated my Facebook status from my iPod so people will see that I posted from a 'mobile device' and think I'm out at a bar having a life, instead of sitting at home on my bed watching movies on my Netflix. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 925

You deserved it 33 661

Clout chasing

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, to give the illusion that I have friends, I wrote an outrageous status on Facebook, and then pretended it was the result of a friend hacking my page, all in the hope that it would get comments, likes, or at least some attention. Nothing happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 588

You deserved it 47 230

Get a life

By Anonymous - 23/02/2011 08:17 - United States

Today, I spent an hour deleting 70 of my status posts from the past week so I don't look so addicted to Facebook. Damn, I need a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 805

You deserved it 42 344

By Jakeok - 14/11/2014 00:04 - United States - Fraser

Today, I once again used my phone to get out of a conversation with someone, instead of actually talking to someone on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 406

You deserved it 7 635

By Baileyy - 01/03/2011 23:18 - United States

Today, while pensively thinking up my next awesome Facebook status over dinner, I finally came to the conclusion that I need to get a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 179

You deserved it 41 249

Desperation

By Anonymous - 18/02/2022 21:59

Today, I felt so lonely that I went on an online chat website and pretended to be a girl just so someone would talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 640

You deserved it 391

By KrazyKill - 09/03/2012 19:04 - Canada

Today, I faked being sick so I could weasel out of a chemistry test at school. Happy that I pulled it off, I posted my accomplishment on Facebook. I forgot that I'm friends with my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 992

You deserved it 75 030

iAmScrubs 19

Monday 16 May 2011 0:02

The people on chat are also on Facebook. If you don't have a life, they don't have one.

CitrusGirl 0

Monday 16 May 2011 0:42

No one keeps track of how often you're online or offline unless they too have no life.

Comments

zuzupetalsYO 11

Monday 16 May 2011 2:07

what do we really consider having a life? should I base that on my perception or yours?

cool517 1

Monday 16 May 2011 2:07

loooooossseeerrrrrrrr!

emerluvsu 6

Monday 16 May 2011 2:09

well no duh, i mean seriously OP, your name is :"nolife"...

justcallmeWiLLiA 0

Monday 16 May 2011 2:15

I go offline so annoying people dont talk to me. hahahaha

courtney680 17

Monday 16 May 2011 2:41

me too

snickers001 0

Monday 16 May 2011 2:20

you actually don't if you think that way 0.o

Your_Cute 0

Monday 16 May 2011 2:41

I read so many like this. this is old news by now and just pathetic

claiiire_fml 17

Monday 16 May 2011 3:06

Haha, OP, get a life.

Beyoncelilsis_fml 0

Monday 16 May 2011 3:42

Lol

metfanatic1986 0

Monday 16 May 2011 3:54

I've seen this b4!

maidofawesome 0

Monday 16 May 2011 4:09

Why don't you actually go get one

Keywords

Accident Embarrassing Work Health Relatable Annoying Love LGBTQIA+ Inappropriate AITA Relationship advice My ex Animals Cute Cats Awkward Cars Friends Transportation Dogs Money Scams Miscellaneous Kids Drugs Family Public freakouts Cheating Sex Intimacy

The Top

Today, while delivering pizza I was yet again given $0.04 over the total bill and told condescendingly to "keep the change." This happens on every shift. My pay is reduced during deliveries, and I drive my own car, and use my own gas. For $0.04. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 092

You deserved it 814

Today, I felt like spicing up our marriage, so I thought I'd surprise my husband when he got home from work. I put on my sexiest teddy, lit some candles, and laid on the bed. He walked in the room, looked at me for a second, farted, then asked me what was for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 295

You deserved it 4 746

The Top

Today, my boyfriend found an empty snail shell. I tried messing with him by saying the snail had turned into a slug, like caterpillars turn into butterflies. He quickly replied, "Yeah I know. I'm not a tard, babe." and said he'd been taught all that and more back in school. What the hell? FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 478

You deserved it 6 945

Today, I finally decided to try an alternative to peanut butter, since I found out I was allergic a while back. Two hours later I had to be sent home because the allegedly allergen-free SunButter caused my lips and throat to swell and patches of rashes to form all over my body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 230

You deserved it 736

Today, I came home from work and found my house egged, and bricks thrown through my windows. I called the police, and submitted a report. Later that night, I heard the doorbell ring. Nobody was at the house, but there was a note saying "Sorry, wrong house". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 161

You deserved it 2 262

Today, I came home from work to find white fabric and crystals all over the apartment floor. I followed the trail of destruction to my bedroom, where my roommate had left our closet door open. Apparently, her cats decided that my wedding gown was to be their newest conquest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 956

You deserved it 3 732

Today, I haven't heard from my girlfriend for over a week, after being in a relationship for 7 years with her. She'd called me, saying she had to care for her ex-husband because he had suffered a heart attack. Guess we're over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 942

You deserved it 154

Today, I was halfway through eating a what I though was a delicious sandwich, when I turned it over and saw nasty green mold on the bread. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 769

You deserved it 548