Intimacy: Today, I slashed my ass open with a shard of glass. How? I was...

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By Dockin - 14/02/2019 15:37 - India

Today, I slashed my ass open with a shard of glass. How? I was making out with my crush, and threw my glasses on the ground. I forgot about them when we decided to lie down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 260

You deserved it 38 053

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Same thing different taste

New isn't always good

By anonymous - 11/01/2015 19:10 - United States - Iowa City

Today, my girlfriend and I were trying something new. I ended up with a shard of glass in my back and a concussion. Don't have sex on a glass table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 250

You deserved it 32 459

By Anonymous - 31/05/2016 15:30 - Canada - Saint John

Today, I fell down the stairs while holding some dirty glasses from my room. I ended up pulling pieces of glass from my body. Meanwhile all my mom cares about is the fact that I broke three of her favorite glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 260

You deserved it 1 848

Glassed

By Penny - 17/10/2021 02:00

Today, I reached for my lip balm while laying in bed in the dark. I accidentally knocked my bedside lamp, and it fell on my hand and shattered. A huge glass fragment impaled my hand. I just got out of surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 876

You deserved it 160

By Caution - 02/10/2018 22:00

Today, at a house party someone smashed and spilled their drink. In my own drunken state, I decided to get the mop as someone might fall. I then fell over it and ended up with glass in my side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 207

You deserved it 594

By BloodyNoseMcgee - 11/10/2018 15:30

Today, I dropped some glass at my job while putting it on the shelf. A shard bounced off the floor and went up my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 002

You deserved it 187

By ouch - 26/06/2010 14:23 - Canada

Today, my friend hit a glass with her arm, so I dove to try and catch it before it hit the ground and shattered. I hit my head against the table, giving me a nice gash that needed stitches. The glass was actually plastic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 724

You deserved it 8 990

Hot hot hot

By Anonymous - 03/06/2022 12:00

Today, I'm in hospital. During date night, after sex was over, I reached for my whiskey. I was already so drunk, I accidentally picked up the lit candle which was in a glass roughly the same size as my whiskey glass, and poured melted wax in my mouth, up my nose, and in my eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 557

You deserved it 2 273

By caitywebbkid - 11/12/2016 15:56 - Australia - Perth

Today, I was cutting some paper when I accidentally cut a sizeable chunk out of my finger. I went to my car to get my bumbag (I'm a lifeguard) so I could patch it up. I then promptly got a large piece of glass in my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 803

You deserved it 818

Smashing awakening

By charapos - 06/02/2022 12:00

Today, I woke myself up by slamming my ankle into a glass bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 639

You deserved it 230

How does that happen?

By Anonymous - 10/04/2023 22:00 - Unites States

Today, I accidentally super-glued my hand to my face while trying to fix a broken pair of glasses. I yanked it off in a panic, taking a patch of my face along with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 636

You deserved it 466

missamazinggg 12

Wednesday 11 January 2012 22:17

Such a pain in the ass.

zebraface 15

Wednesday 11 January 2012 22:18

Because throwing your glasses on the ground is just sooo sexy.

Comments

Argenisjose 9

Thursday 12 January 2012 7:51

You got cokblocked by glass :( your life sucks

DJRhetorical 4

Thursday 12 January 2012 8:04

Bet your ass wishes you would have shelled out that extra money for the polycarbonate lenses now

grad2012 3

Thursday 12 January 2012 8:12

what does OP mean?!

skatercody696 0

Thursday 12 January 2012 8:16

wow, you my friend are an idiot!

EarAcheMyEYE10 2

Thursday 12 January 2012 8:45

Moron

woopdattrick 5

Thursday 12 January 2012 10:40

I love how the first sentence rhymes.

Djhall33 1

Thursday 12 January 2012 12:59

Better ur ass then your eye...plastic lenses are the way to go

ujitsu321 0

Thursday 12 January 2012 13:16

Just wait until you get under the shower you will really feel the meaning of pain

Ozma_fml 0

Thursday 12 January 2012 13:29

At least you can upgrade now to a pair made from modern materials.

hello_jules 8

Thursday 12 January 2012 16:44

Haha classic moment ruiner ;)

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Awkward Work Money Parents Renters Capitalism Landlords Love First Dates Coworkers Management Health Technology Toilet Embarrassing Dogs Animals Abuse Parenting Intimacy Kids Dentist Sex Creepy Transportation Cute Drunk Insurance Miscellaneous Shoes

The Top

Today, I crashed my car. I saw a deer getting ready to run into the middle of the road, and I was very sleepy, so I panicked and slammed on the brakes, causing me to lose control of the car on the wet road. After I hit a tree, I realized that the deer was a plastic lawn ornament. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 201

You deserved it 46 197

Today, I was in an elevator, and the hot girl who lives in my building and who I have a crush on got in. She was in a wheelchair with a broken leg, I panicked and tried to flirt with her, and I said, "Nice chair." She replied, "Nice bruise" and punched me in the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 767

You deserved it 52 427

The Top

Today, I found out I have an incredible fear of butterflies. I discovered this after my mother took me to a butterfly sanctuary for some "mother-daughter bonding time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 613

You deserved it 3 759

Today, I discovered everyone at work refers to me as 'The Man-Lady'. I work in a supermarket's beauty department. FML

I agree, your life sucks 427

You deserved it 36

Today, my fiancé and I met his mother for lunch to discuss wedding plans. When we got there, I went to the bathroom to wash my hands. I heard a woman talking on her cell phone in the stall about her son's "disgusting, slutty girlfriend." The toilet flushed and my future mother-in-law walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 814

You deserved it 3 541

Today, the guy I made cookies for, spent hours getting ready for, and drove 3 hours in traffic to see never actually wanted me to come. When I knocked on his door, he opened it, but immediately closed it in my face. He then texted me saying, "I met someone else." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 439

You deserved it 3 149

Today, I tried to open a can with a potato peeler. For a minute I forgot what a can opener looked like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 518

You deserved it 26 004

Today, and for the second month in a row, my dad sent our rent money to some chick he’s been talking to, who promised 3 million if he sent dollars for bitcoin. We’re going to get evicted, and I have nowhere else to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 971

You deserved it 98