Intimacy: Today, I slashed my ass open with a shard of glass. How? I was...

By Dockin - 14/02/2019 15:37 - India

Today, I slashed my ass open with a shard of glass. How? I was making out with my crush, and threw my glasses on the ground. I forgot about them when we decided to lie down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 252

You deserved it 38 037

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Same thing different taste

New isn't always good

By anonymous - 11/01/2015 19:10 - United States - Iowa City

Today, my girlfriend and I were trying something new. I ended up with a shard of glass in my back and a concussion. Don't have sex on a glass table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 246

You deserved it 32 450

By Anonymous - 31/05/2016 15:30 - Canada - Saint John

Today, I fell down the stairs while holding some dirty glasses from my room. I ended up pulling pieces of glass from my body. Meanwhile all my mom cares about is the fact that I broke three of her favorite glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 254

You deserved it 1 845

Glassed

By Penny - 17/10/2021 02:00

Today, I reached for my lip balm while laying in bed in the dark. I accidentally knocked my bedside lamp, and it fell on my hand and shattered. A huge glass fragment impaled my hand. I just got out of surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 873

You deserved it 160

By Caution - 02/10/2018 22:00

Today, at a house party someone smashed and spilled their drink. In my own drunken state, I decided to get the mop as someone might fall. I then fell over it and ended up with glass in my side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 202

You deserved it 590

By BloodyNoseMcgee - 11/10/2018 15:30

Today, I dropped some glass at my job while putting it on the shelf. A shard bounced off the floor and went up my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 998

You deserved it 181

By ouch - 26/06/2010 14:23 - Canada

Today, my friend hit a glass with her arm, so I dove to try and catch it before it hit the ground and shattered. I hit my head against the table, giving me a nice gash that needed stitches. The glass was actually plastic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 721

You deserved it 8 987

Hot hot hot

By Anonymous - 03/06/2022 12:00

Today, I'm in hospital. During date night, after sex was over, I reached for my whiskey. I was already so drunk, I accidentally picked up the lit candle which was in a glass roughly the same size as my whiskey glass, and poured melted wax in my mouth, up my nose, and in my eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 547

You deserved it 2 223

By caitywebbkid - 11/12/2016 15:56 - Australia - Perth

Today, I was cutting some paper when I accidentally cut a sizeable chunk out of my finger. I went to my car to get my bumbag (I'm a lifeguard) so I could patch it up. I then promptly got a large piece of glass in my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 799

You deserved it 815

Smashing awakening

By charapos - 06/02/2022 12:00

Today, I woke myself up by slamming my ankle into a glass bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 632

You deserved it 229

How does that happen?

By Anonymous - 10/04/2023 22:00 - Unites States

Today, I accidentally super-glued my hand to my face while trying to fix a broken pair of glasses. I yanked it off in a panic, taking a patch of my face along with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 634

You deserved it 461

missamazinggg 12

Wednesday 11 January 2012 22:17

Such a pain in the ass.

zebraface 15

Wednesday 11 January 2012 22:18

Because throwing your glasses on the ground is just sooo sexy.

Comments

littlenumber8 8

Thursday 12 January 2012 0:36

Ru pretending to be Clarke Kent/superman?

SaMmIMonster96 6

Thursday 12 January 2012 0:38

Oh crush, now you can check on my ass.. Is it bleeding?? Thought so..

perdix 29

Thursday 12 January 2012 1:26

You didn't mention your crush's gender. If it was a dude, you were about to split your ass open anyways ;)

rabbittboi 18

Thursday 12 January 2012 3:32

Yeah, but would he have pre- lubed with blood?

Okayitwasme 0

Thursday 12 January 2012 1:51

Glass on ground, can make ass crack.

ifeelya 5

Thursday 12 January 2012 1:58

you watch too much movies enough to copy the incident.

shrimpygymnast 9

Thursday 12 January 2012 2:03

have fun taking a shit now

UsEumYong 4

Thursday 12 January 2012 2:09

Hind sight 20/20?

123kookypoo 10

Thursday 12 January 2012 2:11

Mhm, very sexy; Butt stiches. Awesome. FYL.

khaya 9

Thursday 12 January 2012 2:16

So, you didn't **** her but a shard of glass ****** you. Should have used plastic, you might of caught something and it wouldn't have hurt as much.

iWoggle 6

Thursday 12 January 2012 2:39

And you still have time to write an FML about it? Man, I'm sorry, that gotta hurt... and ruin the mood.

Keywords

Miscellaneous Embarrassing Christmas Work Cute Am I overreacting? Holidays Cats Gifts Awkward Shopping Hair Friends Health Relatable Poopoo peepee Money Education Animals Gross Cops Sex Intimacy Neighbours Love Smells Painful First Dates Social Media Grieving

The Top

Today, and ever since my fiance started eating apples instead of junk food, he now has horribly foul diarrhea every morning, and keeps insisting it's his body "flushing out the toxins." I'm about to rent a Porta Potty so our bathrooms don't smell like sewage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 383

You deserved it 128

Today, my future sister-in-law, who hasn’t even been engaged a week, informed everyone that the wedding is on December 19th, which is the due date of my first child. My brother won’t change the date and is making my family choose between his wedding or being at the hospital with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 540

You deserved it 211

The Top

Today, I did the math: back at college in 2011, I had a $20,000+ reimbursement from my school. If I had invested even half my cash into Bitcoin then ($2.50), I would be worth over $120,000,000. Instead, I said, "Fuck that! This is stupid", and am now over $200,000 in student loan debt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 925

You deserved it 344

Today, I was at the gym, when a pretty overweight guy started staring and eventually taunting me. Let me tell you, lines such as "Lay off the cake, fatty!" and "I can see your gut hanging out your ass, for fuck's sake!" don't exactly boost one's self-confidence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 608

You deserved it 2 771

Today, I took my car through the automated wash. I was too close to swipe my card, so the attendant reached for it and somewhere between our hands, the card fell into the grate and down a small crack 10ft into nasty water. The whole car wash was shut down to pull the massive grate up. It took about 2 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 103

You deserved it 160

Today, I finally realized that my bipolar depression gets worse in hot weather. I live in Hawaii. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 524

You deserved it 200

Today, when going to bed after a night of heavy drinking, my boyfriend told me he was in love with his cousin, and that she’s way prettier than me. Later in the morning, he said it was just "drunk talk." FML

I agree, your life sucks 535

You deserved it 87

Today, I was at a coffee shop, when a middle-aged guy called me a "two-timing whore", dumped his coffee on me and walked out in tears. I'm 14 and I have no idea who he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 102

You deserved it 3 958