Animals: Today, I stepped into a pile of dog shit on my doorstep, along... - FML

By sammyxoxo - 18/12/2011 08:32 - Canada

Today, I stepped into a pile of dog shit on my doorstep, along with a note saying, "Keep your dog out of my yard." I don't own a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 782

You deserved it 2 781

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Same thing different taste

Spooked

By fucking mafia or what?? - 12/01/2013 22:02 - United States - Marysville

Today, I opened my front door to go out for groceries. Lying on my doorstep was a pile of poop. A piece of paper was taped to the ground beside it that read, "Do it again and you'll get more than dog shit." I don't have the slightest clue who I pissed off, or how. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 007

You deserved it 3 460

By Anonymous - 10/11/2011 17:07 - Ireland

Today, I stepped in a pile of dog shit. While trying to get it off by wiping my foot on the grass, I stepped in another pile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 832

You deserved it 7 670

Pick it up

By Cassie - 02/05/2011 00:21

Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 391

You deserved it 50 992

By dirtyfoot - 18/01/2009 21:50 - United States

Today, I stepped in dog shit, barefoot, in my own bathroom. The dog had been outside for two hours earlier, and I'd watched him take a dump. Apparently he was saving some for when he got back in the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 106

You deserved it 2 445

By anonymous - 02/02/2010 17:32 - France

Today, I put out a fire. Sadly, it was on my doorstep because someone had lit a bag of dog poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 546

You deserved it 4 269

By RustyBulletHole - 04/02/2009 07:53 - United States

Today, I got up at 5am, brushed my teeth, shaved and showered to get ready for work only to step barefoot in a huge pile of dog crap in the middle of my living room floor. I don't own a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 169

You deserved it 2 358

By wellokaythen - 14/05/2013 19:52 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I heard noises outside my front door. I looked out through the window, only to see my boyfriend encouraging his dog to take a dump on my welcome mat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 933

You deserved it 5 119

By nick - 18/05/2012 07:22 - United States

Today, I came home to find a note on my door from the neighbor saying "I saw a coyote eat your dog, but was afraid it was rabid." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 072

You deserved it 2 619

It wasn't me, or him

By ev_lyn_aw - 17/05/2017 04:00

Today, today while walking my dog in a different part of town, a man ran screaming out of his house, and threw a plastic bag at me. It was dog poop. It was the first time I'd ever walked in front of his house with my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 892

You deserved it 286

By morphea - 29/04/2015 22:54 - France - Chantepie

Today, coming home, I discovered that my dog had left me a beautiful mound of poop in the middle of the corridor. He'd made an effort, though: there was a roll of shredded toilet paper next to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 774

You deserved it 2 674

Next

Top comments

xXwolflegionXx 8

Sunday 18 December 2011 16:37

Take it back to their house and say "keep your shit off my doorstep"

thisisafunnyname 12

Sunday 18 December 2011 17:03

hey, sgit happens

Comments

Snafuusmc 12

Sunday 18 December 2011 17:12

Looks like he Barked up the wrong tree!

maximilian13 4

Sunday 18 December 2011 17:17

If they want to play like that, then go to war. Don't just shit on their yard... Squirt some diarrhea up on that. That'll show 'em!!

niniloka 2

Sunday 18 December 2011 17:21

im tired of these i dont own a cat i dont own a dog i dont own a horse stories!!!

fmlikecrazy 0

Sunday 18 December 2011 17:26

Wrong house?

aFreedom127 9

Sunday 18 December 2011 17:29

Then you shouldn't have too much trouble keeping your dog out of their yard.

steviesnm 6

Sunday 18 December 2011 17:36

You all know that adding "shit", "dog", or anything else related to the FML into a random sentence doesn't automatically make it funny or a pun?

rulezdunmatter 12

Sunday 18 December 2011 17:48

It probably makes it a pun, just not a very good one like you pointed out.

4rmMiami 4

Sunday 18 December 2011 17:37

Shit happens to all of us, it sucks literally!

hateevryone 14

Sunday 18 December 2011 17:57

that sucks. you need to tell your neighbor that you don't have a dog.

sjhill 32

Sunday 18 December 2011 17:58

merry christmas! you are now the proud owner of an imaginary dog. XD

rulezdunmatter 12

Sunday 18 December 2011 18:16

Doubt OP would appreciate that gift, considering the first thing it did was get him into trouble.

DudeYmustI 0

Sunday 18 December 2011 18:19

An imaginary dog, that really poops!!!!!!!!

rulezdunmatter 12

Sunday 18 December 2011 18:28

Was that honestly your best attempt at a pun?

OfficeNinja 5

Sunday 18 December 2011 18:54

Do you have any suspects? Nothing says "I won the shit war" like the sight of your (in this case, their) car covered in shit. You can buy large sacks of cow shit from any lawn and garden store. Mix it with water so it gets slimy and sticky, then have at it. When it dries it becomes quite difficult to to remove.

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I woke up feeling awful, having caught the same illness my boyfriend had last night. When he was sick, I skipped my friend's baby shower to take care of him. Now that I'm sick, he goes to a friend's place, says to call if I need him, then turns his phone off. Seriously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 100

You deserved it 7 572

Today, I woke up with a hangover and my girlfriend seemed pissed at me. It took me a while before I remembered having sex the night before. I just didn't know exactly what had happened after that had pissed her off. Then I realized nothing happened, because I fell asleep while she was on top of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 669

You deserved it 39 753

The Top

Today, my brother thought New Year's would be more epic and memorable if the fireworks were set off in the family room and not outside. It is memorable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 744

You deserved it 60

Today, my first day at my new job, a guy decided to pay all his parking fines in one go. All £2300 of them. Yes, he did decide to pay it in pennies. Wheelbarrows and buckets full of pennies. That's 230,000 pennies. Guess whose job it was to count them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 340

You deserved it 396

Today, as a wedding photographer, I had to explain to the worst bridezilla I’ve ever worked for, that on the day of her wedding she had scared my assistant so much that she forgot to put a new memory card in the camera, so no photos of the wedding had actually been taken. I’m now missing a tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 813

You deserved it 566

Today, after 5 months in his new apartment, the only kitchenware my boyfriend has unpacked is one single butter knife. He will not unpack the rest, or let me do it for him, so if I want to so much as eat a yoghurt or stir my coffee, I have to bring my own spoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 425

You deserved it 170

Today, I walked in on my mom and her friends comparing the differences in their nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 452

You deserved it 4 233

Today, I was driving past men working on the side of the road. There was a lot of water pouring down the road and as I slowed down to drive through it, a car sped past me, splashing my entire car. It was only then I realized it was a septic tank leak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 724

You deserved it 2 609