Miscellaneous: Today, I was at the pool, casually flirting with one of the lifeguards....

By Anonymous - 11/08/2009 08:58 - United States

Today, I was at the pool, casually flirting with one of the lifeguards. He said that he would gladly give me CPR, in the event that I needed it. I laughed and thanked him, stating that it was a sweet idea, even though I wouldn't be needing assistance. I then choked on my bottled water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 938

You deserved it 44 868

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Baywatch

By Anonymous - 02/10/2017 19:30 - United States - Stony Brook

Today, I went to the university pool. There was this cute lifeguard there, and every time I got out of the water I saw her looking at me, so I walked up to her and asked if everything was OK. She told me she thought I was going to drown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 349

You deserved it 509

By Anonymous - 11/06/2011 00:14 - United States

Today, I was swimming at the water park, when out of nowhere a lifeguard bombed into the pool, grabbed me, and hauled me to the surface, running his hands over my chest in the process. Apparently, the way I swim makes it look like I'm in my drowning death throes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 445

You deserved it 7 721

By Anonymous - 04/07/2014 19:04 - Netherlands

Today, on my first day as a lifeguard, a man had a heart attack in the pool. I jumped in, pulled him out, and even went to the hospital with him. He seemed genuinely offended, saying "You should've let me die." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 954

You deserved it 3 437

By Anonymous - 10/01/2011 19:14 - United States

Today, I was drinking a bottle of water. My friend came up from behind and scared me, causing me to inhale and choke on the water. Lacking air, I passed out. I awoke to him on the ground laughing his ass off. I almost drowned drinking a bottle of water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 337

You deserved it 4 365

By mathii - 23/07/2011 23:52 - France

Today, I was in swimming practice at the pool. I suddenly got breathless, dizzy, and felt like I was drowning. I cried out to the instructor, telling him I had a weak heart. He shouted back, "I don't care about your love life! Swim, bitch!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 772

You deserved it 6 170

Sick moves, bro

By Fish - 19/03/2009 15:47 - United Arab Emirates

Today, we were hanging around the pool with a couple of friends and a crush of mine. Thinking I would be able to impress her with a well-performed dive off the diving board, I went up and attempted my best dive. I slipped as I jumped, hitting my head on the board. I had to be saved by the lifeguard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 301

You deserved it 55 375

By megan - 01/04/2015 17:56 - United States - Lutz

Today, it's April Fool's day. I had to take a CPR class, and everything was going well. We took a break and I went to get a drink of water and started choking. They thought I was making fun of the class, and made me leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 208

You deserved it 2 474

By anonymous - 10/06/2009 22:50 - United States

Today, I decided to go swimming. I knew my technique would be off because I haven't swam since high school. It was when I made it only halfway across the pool that the lifeguard decided to jump in and save me. I wasn't drowning or struggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 731

You deserved it 4 676

By Higgs - 02/06/2009 19:10 - United States

Today, I went to the pool. When I hit the water the top of my swimsuit came off so I tried to put it on underwater. The lifeguard thought I was drowning and pulled me out in front of everyone. Topless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 148

You deserved it 6 230

By t - 17/05/2011 03:26

Today, I got a really bad cramp while I was swimming in my neighborhood pool. I started to go under until the lifeguard jumped in and saved me. I guess it would have been great, if I wasn't a fellow lifeguard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 771

You deserved it 6 160

Heartless234 0

Tuesday 11 August 2009 16:18

Aw that's embarrassing. Hey sometimes I choke on my saliva :D.

mannix_fml 0

Tuesday 11 August 2009 16:12

It was mean't to be, dum dum!

Comments

MysticCeltic 0

Tuesday 11 August 2009 17:37

This isn't an FML, this is a L2swallow! I think you got too excited about the lifeguard giving you CPR! #20 CPR isn't necassairly meant to restart someone's heart, it's meant to keep the blood flowing from the heart(chest pumping) and allows oxygen to continue to reach the brain (breathing in their mouth) so they don't get brain damage (which begins happening if the brain goes without oxygen for 2 mins or more)...in a worst case scenario

Jay_Willis 0

Tuesday 11 August 2009 17:47

As a lifeguard... i like your style

hopelessybroken 0

Tuesday 11 August 2009 17:56

Did he really give you cpr? Well then, you're a lucky girl. so not an fml.

wbrycem 0

Tuesday 11 August 2009 18:01

You don't really choke on liquid.

insomniacdude 0

Tuesday 11 August 2009 18:08

Not an FML. Humorous, but not an FML.

x_Leopard_x 1

Tuesday 11 August 2009 18:08

LOL! So he gave you CPR? Lucky...

alex_vik 0

Tuesday 11 August 2009 18:20

Note to self: Learn how to perform CPR on myself in the event that the lifeguard is flirting with someone who chokes on bottled water and I'm drowning.

akeena13 0

Tuesday 11 August 2009 18:34

LOL

This_Guy1 0

Tuesday 11 August 2009 18:25

How did this one get picked?

repyourcliche 0

Tuesday 11 August 2009 18:29

I bet you ******* rammed the bottle down your throat for the attention, you **** teasing slutbag.

plexico 3

Tuesday 11 August 2009 18:36

You don't need CPR, you need the Heimlich maneuver. Instead of having the lifeguard straddle your limp lifeless body and fondle your cleavage, you need him to come in from the rear and pump you until something comes out. You sound like a fun date!