Intimacy: Today, I was posing in front of the mirror, when I realized that...

By Anonymous - 24/02/2012 19:18 - United States

Today, I was posing in front of the mirror, when I realized that everyone who looks at me can easily tell which arm I use to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 745

You deserved it 37 966

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 05/12/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, while at my mom's birthday dinner, I started to pretend to drum with one hand, using my left leg as the drums. Everybody stared at me and started to yell. Now they all think I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 363

You deserved it 11 903

Caught in 4K

By Evil_Egbert - 12/02/2009 11:54 - Netherlands

Today, I found out that when I masturbate at night while watching internet porn I cast a huge shadow on the curtain and the entire street is able to see it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 942

You deserved it 54 332

By Anonymous - 04/07/2012 17:01 - United States - South Gate

Today, I still can't decide whether masturbating while looking at myself makes me narcissistic or just plain pathetic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 682

You deserved it 37 466

By FutureMarine3658 - 08/08/2012 14:00 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, out of habit, after scratching my balls, I then smelt my hand. It was at that moment I realized most of my gym was staring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 438

You deserved it 50 522

By morethanredhands - 21/05/2012 05:56

Today, while in the bathroom, I started absent-mindedly drumming on my thighs. I didn't stop to think that people outside would think I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 754

You deserved it 7 819

By Anonymous - 12/05/2009 23:08 - United States

Today, I went to the gym for the first time in a while and realized that I can lift way more with my left hand than with my right even though I am right handed. I also realized that I jack off with my left hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 013

You deserved it 59 008

By Anonymous - 28/04/2013 19:53 - Saudi Arabia

Today, I got caught masturbating, twice, by the same person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 263

You deserved it 75 720

By crier - 27/08/2013 18:34 - United States - Norfolk

Today, I realized the moans I make when masturbating sound like I'm crying. I realized this when my neighbor pounded on the door asking if I was okay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 612

You deserved it 12 461

Wanker!

By EmbarrassedBather - 09/06/2019 00:00

Today, while I was showering, someone left a note on the bathroom door that read, "We can all hear you masturbating. Shut the hell up." I don't know what's more embarrassing, that everyone in my house thought I was masturbating or that I was actually singing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 064

You deserved it 383

By Playaaa - 14/11/2015 22:08 - United States - Hollister

Today, I realized when I'm on my phone, I tend to play with my penis, even in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 414

You deserved it 28 717

bnutts 4

Saturday 25 February 2012 1:45

Well. Use your other arm, problem solved.

kcTheGreat 2

Saturday 25 February 2012 1:45

Wow..if you can actually see a difference it's time to get a girlfriend or at least a hobby..

Comments

mojo87 14

Saturday 25 February 2012 14:16

Looks like someone has been watching too much Family Guy...

freshx_fml 6

Saturday 25 February 2012 14:45

Sinner

Dracoboxer357 35

Saturday 25 February 2012 17:55

Judger. :p

yourlove13 0

Saturday 25 February 2012 14:59

congratulations on that,op! you should be proud.

Madcatstolper 1

Saturday 25 February 2012 16:22

someone has been watching Family Guy.

nfjskcbdkdjdjdn 2

Saturday 25 February 2012 17:14

So you tell everyone that you play tennis. Just tennis.

straetmansp 3

Saturday 25 February 2012 20:12

Miss michigan will always b there for u

Elendil_fml 10

Saturday 25 February 2012 20:40

That's why I switch hands during jerk offs.

needsagf14 12

Saturday 25 February 2012 22:19

I'm gonna go. Get the [points with giant arm] paper.

eddystoner15 4

Saturday 25 February 2012 22:26

Gotta switch

mim777 4

Saturday 25 February 2012 22:32

how

Keywords

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Today, I realized that the air freshener in my bathroom and the air freshener in my girlfriend's bedroom are the exact same scent. Now, every time I go to the bathroom I get an erection, and every time my girlfriend and I have sex in her room, I think about shitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 601

You deserved it 8 701

Well. I must admit when I first received today's illustration, seeing the massive pliers pop out kind of freaked me out. Then I reached the last panel and I'm not sure if it's out of anxiety relief or what, but I laughed so hard I might have choked a...

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

The Top

Today, after 2 months of searching, I finally found a good, stable job. How does the universe reward me upon waking up on my very first day? With a burning yeast infection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 832

You deserved it 2 664

Today, I overheard my mum tell my sister that she should make me a bridesmaid at her wedding. My sister scoffed, "She looks like Shamu, mum. I can't have THAT in my wedding pics." followed by laughter and my mum saying, "Touché." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 042

You deserved it 6 791

Today, I was trying to go to sleep when I heard my sister come home from the bar. I fell asleep and woke up an hour later to see my sister squatting in my dresser drawer. I asked her what she was doing and she said "I'm peeing." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 140

You deserved it 2 772

Today, I took my best friend to an 80's party. She drank too much and ended up puking all over the interior and exterior of my car as well as inside my right legwarmer on the 30 mile trip back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 076

You deserved it 4 655

Today, I got invited to a big upperclassmen party that underclassmen don't normally get invited to. I was feeling really good when I got there and saw that the girl I'm in love with was there. They stole my pants and gave me a swirly. Her reaction was to post pictures on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 558

You deserved it 6 121

Today, while baking, I was joined by my roommate who doesn't really cook. I was making a batch of dough and she volunteered to help. After showing her how to knead, she really got into it. Afterwards, I asked why she wanted to help. "It really cleans my nails", she said. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 589

You deserved it 4 005

Same thing different taste

Caught in 4K

Wanker!

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