Animals: Today, I was sleeping peacefully with my cat sweetly snuggling...

By injuredwifelady - 23/02/2016 08:23 - United States - Omaha

Today, I was sleeping peacefully with my cat sweetly snuggling my legs under the covers. My husband dutch-ovened her, and she shredded my calves as she rushed to escape. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 843

You deserved it 1 996

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Same thing different taste

Surprise, human!

By Anonymous - 22/04/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I didn't realize my cat was sleeping in the room with me until she decided to jump on me in the middle of the night, resulting in a critical hit to my groin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 377

You deserved it 100

Say sorry to Mr Whiskers!

By Anonymous - 10/05/2021 14:01

Today, I awoke to my cat sitting on my chest. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't tried to get her off. She promptly went crazy and scratched me. My fiancée, who was sleeping next to me, hit me, called me cruel, and told me to apologize to the cat. I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 932

You deserved it 329

By iliku - 01/06/2019 02:00

Today, I was having a romantic evening with my new boyfriend, until we walked into my bedroom and discovered that my cat had ripped apart my pads and had spread them all over the place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 501

You deserved it 233

By Catremorse - 01/08/2019 14:00 - United States - Centreville

Today, my cat was laying on my chest while I was in bed. I farted, which my closed legs seemed to amplify. My cat was so scared, she used me as a launching pad and cut my chest in three places with her claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 370

You deserved it 575

The little things

By Anonymous - 13/09/2010 16:03 - United States

Today, I woke up to my husband slowly pulling my blanket off me. I thought he was being romantic until I realized it was because the cat had puked all over me while I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 286

You deserved it 2 938

By Anonymous - 04/09/2017 20:00

Today, my girlfriend and I slept naked after a great night together. I awoke to a sharp pain in my penis and found our cat trying a new scratching post. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 144

You deserved it 482

By Anonymous - 11/06/2011 22:36 - United States

Today, I was lying in bed with my cat. I must have looked at him the wrong way or something, because he hissed and savagely clawed at my face without warning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 264

You deserved it 7 318

By tornkhakis - 24/02/2014 07:20 - United States - Bloomington

Today, my cat decided that instead of using the brand-new scratching post I bought him, he was going to use my pant leg while I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 198

You deserved it 4 176

By Michelle - 20/02/2011 17:45 - United States

Today, my cat tried to kill me. While I was sleeping, he put his paws on either side of my face and laid down, covering my nose and mouth. While I was struggling to free myself, I could hear my sister laughing next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 108

You deserved it 4 973

By Anonymous - 21/08/2015 08:33 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was putting the cat outside. He wouldn't go, so I kicked him. Then I woke up to my husband screaming. I’d been dreaming, and the "cat" I kicked was his family jewels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 689

You deserved it 9 175

WCARlover 34

Tuesday 23 February 2016 18:04

I bet that wasn't the only pussy he drove away that night

gamermonster 34

Tuesday 23 February 2016 17:59

I sure hope your legs don't get infected. Heal quick OP.

Comments

smoothies14 32

Tuesday 23 February 2016 18:49

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

shrinkdinck 13

Tuesday 23 February 2016 19:11

You're profile picture is a tiger though? And you say tigers are the best?

smoothies14 32

Tuesday 23 February 2016 19:31

"...owning a cat AND THINKING THIS WON'T HAPPEN." They are beautiful, strong, independent creatures. Not pets.

smoothies14 32

Tuesday 23 February 2016 20:13

I think you misunderstand, so let me clarify. My comment was not about the merits of cats. I'm saying that its annoying that every cat FML can be summed like this: Today, my cat acted like a cat. FML. If you own a cat, expect it to be cat-like and don't complain or don't have one.

Mynamewontfi 40

Tuesday 23 February 2016 20:35

Honestly, that's a dumb way of thinking imo. Then almost every FML would be a YDI, if you think about it. "dog eats something they shouldn't, YDI, it's a dog what do you expect." "human does something stupid, YDI for being a human, because humans make mistakes". "car broke down, YDI" etc. etc.

stevenbro 6

Wednesday 24 February 2016 0:23

Totally agree with you. A cat acts like, uh, a cat. That's why I don't have one or want one.

MagnusDeus 24

Tuesday 23 February 2016 19:08

I highly suggest cutting your cats claws on a regular basis.

DoomedGemini 37

Wednesday 24 February 2016 0:40

It wasn't really the cat's fault, it was her dumbass husband's.

Catdragon 40

Wednesday 24 February 2016 8:36

And that is a horrible idea. Trust me, it just makes them hurt worse. You don't need to clip their nails. Cats maintain themselves. If you don't want to get scratched get claw caps which stay on for a few weeks. Or just don't get a cat. Cats scratch, don't like that get a goldfish

sandman676 20

Tuesday 23 February 2016 21:16

Hahahahahahaha

Sosuke_Aizen 11

Tuesday 23 February 2016 21:53

Your husband sounds like a complete child.

ulissey_fml 22

Tuesday 23 February 2016 22:59

That'll teach you to own a cat. Next time adopt a hamster, damn !

MaiqTheLiar 11

Tuesday 23 February 2016 23:03

M'aiq excuses for his Khajiit-friend. Khajiiti scratch everything when they panic.

magickitten 26

Wednesday 24 February 2016 1:44

The what? What? What happened there #26?

Stormcloak429 14

Wednesday 24 February 2016 6:02

A Khajiit is a cat-like race from Skyrim. He's just referencing Skyrim.

citrusglass 22

Wednesday 24 February 2016 22:02

I think #26 means make excuses. Also, khajiit is a race in the Elder Scrolls, which is, just like OP's cat, a feline. Judging by #26's profile picture (in which there is a khajiit), they're an Elder Scroll player.