I was going to start correcting the spelling of 'oy vey', when I happened to read the rest of your comment. Er... attempt to read* *facepalm*

Agreed. I'm not a grammar/spelling Nazi myself, but when the only impression people can get from you on the Internet is from the way you type, typing like that^ gives me the impression that this person has no education whatsoever, and has no significant place in society. Get a proper education and that impression will change for everyone, on the Internet or in the real world. /rantover

i'm on a commenting spree today! :D anyway, here's my problem. apparently, people (regardless of their education level) think it's "cool" to type like that. i will probably never understand why or how, but that's the way they think. the above poster seems somewhat intelligent, but the lack of intelligibility negates any point she was trying to make. not to mention that it seems as if it takes EFFORT to type like that, something i'm not particularly interested in when i'm attempting to do something so simple as making a comment on a website. lastly... if you're gonna type out "questions," why don't you just type out the word "don't"? just sayin'... i'm out like a light. |the kid|

That doesn't make these FMLs fake. It means your FMLs suck.

how is it never ok? what is he supposed to say when she asks him about it? what if someones weight is making them unhealthy? then it's still not ok? it's great to obsess over ur weight.. u need to so u can stay healthy but when someone tells u that u don't need to lose as much weight as u think u do.. that's a compliment.

@186 If you're a doctor who's treating a patient who has a condition that requires weight loss, then it's okay to tell someone they need to lose weight. But that's it. If you don't know what someone weighs and if they're healthy, it is more than rude to act like you know what's best for their health more than they do. Her boyfriend should have been reassuring rather than insulting, knowing that she was already not okay with her body. Telling her that she needs to lose weight is telling her that he finds her unattractive, and who wants to hear that?

197: I disagree. If someone is ignoring said doctors and eating him- or herself into an early grave, the loved ones may need to step in. Of course, they should be tactful, sensitive, and loving about it, and follow it up with lots of support and encouragement. Also, I've occasionally stopped reassuring friends when they constantly complain about their weight, IF they've done nothing to work on it. Because I'm naturally thin, I don't feel comfortable saying they /should/ lose the weight, but I will gently say they need to work on their outlook, or ask them if there's anything I can do to help them with their goals. Using the word "goals" tends to help them see it as changeable, or at least make them realize they don't care enough to actually do something. I won't enable a good friend to live in misery; even if she's totally healthy and just bitching for the hell of it, I firmly believe obsessing about something so negative is bad for your overall health.

217: Why assume someone else's health is your business, though? Wouldn't you be offended if someone assumed that your health was in danger because you were too thin and started constantly bringing up weight gain, however gently? Especially if you were already working on gaining weight and were hugely insecure about your low weight? In this case, the OP is obviously already aware of her weight. The real issue here is that she's having trouble understanding that it's okay to be at whatever weight she is, not that we should be forcing her to lose weight because she could potentially develop health problems. You're 100% right that obsessing over weight is bad for health, and policing other people's weight is only going to make them feel worse about themselves and further their obsession.

219: Did you read my whole comment? I specified being tactful and gentle, and only doing it out of care to loved ones you're close enough to affect. IMO, it's no different than being concerned if a loved one is engaging in any other risky or unhealthy behavior. I've reacted the same way with friends who have consistently complained about poor decisions made while drunk, eating foods that cause their Celiac's to flare up, a Type 1 diabetic family member who didn't pay attention to his insulin, and in one case, having a constant, debilitatingly negative outlook on life. At that point, it does become somewhat of an intervention issue, because I love them, and I want them around, healthy and happy for as long as possible. Like I said, I can't in good conscience enable a loved one to live in misery; it hurts me to see them do that to themselves. I'm not talking about "policing" anything. Hounding on it is counter-productive. But I appreciate honesty and value relationships where we can bring legitimate, honest concerns to each other without judgement or criticism. I have been on the receiving end of gentle concern with each of those people, sometimes about my weight, and though it's uncomfortable to hear and sometimes wrong, I cherish them even more for caring enough to voice their concerns. (And after something like that is brought to my attention, there's one thing I always stop doing-- complaining about it if I haven't made positive steps to deal with it. That was the whole point of my second paragraph.) It's the motivation and the method that makes all the difference, IMO, which is exactly why I wouldn't address this particular issue from a "lose weight" viewpoint, but a "be healthy" one. Because I'm so thin, pointing out someone's need to lose weight without that emphasis often comes across as insensitive and critical, even if I don't mean it that way.

tijd: +5 for being informative, and for writing a dissertation. |the kid|

251: Why don't you try to comment intelligently? You wrote one whole sentence and managed to screw it up. Good job. the kid: Thanks. ;)

250: Just because someone does something you don't agree with doesn't mean that it's not healthy. I've said this somewhere else on this FML, but overweight people are well aware that they're overweight and it already causes self-esteem issues and self-hatred. Plus it's completely possible to be perfectly healthy while overweight. Obviously, there's no way to tell a healthy overweight person from an unhealthy overweight person, but getting on someone's case about weight loss when they already hear enough from their doctors, and from weight loss tv shows, and from rude strangers and immature internet commenters isn't going to help. Losing weight is extremely difficult: you might see an overweight friend gain weight even though she's intensely dieting, and even if you tell her you want to help, your concern is going to be misplaced. The last thing your overweight "friends" need to hear is "should you really be eating that?" when they're probably already struggling to lose weight, or at least struggling to accept themselves in a world where they're almost unanimously hated.

Since this has gotten to be a kind of one-on-one discussion, check your PMs.

my bf actually nailed it when I thought aloud one day "damn I'm getting fat" with "idk about any of that, all I know is you're gorgeous". gotta give due credit to a fabulous response.

i bet he did nail it. ;] sorry, you threw that one out there. |the kid|

I did run right into that one haha