Intimacy: Today, I was watching an animal behavior movie. All of a sudden,...

By stpdaziandude - 08/05/2009 20:51 - United States

Today, I was watching an animal behavior movie. All of a sudden, it brings up two snails going at it. I got hard watching it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 903

You deserved it 45 019

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Same thing different taste

Gastropod scandal

By Anonymous - 20/05/2022 04:00

Today, one of my aquatic snails banged my other aquatic snail til they both died. FML

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By aXel - 13/10/2008 08:29

Today, my dog was watching me and started to have a hard-on, for half an hour. FML

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Envy

By Anonymous - 26/08/2010 08:15 - United States

Today, while watching my guinea pigs have sex, I got jealous. Yeah. It's been that long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 268

You deserved it 13 113

By ohgodwhy - 06/04/2013 14:15 - Canada - Elliot Lake

Today, I was watching a movie with my parents when a sex scene came on. As if that wasn't awkward enough, they started making out on the couch behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 388

You deserved it 5 713

By Nat - 13/09/2014 06:29 - United States - Frisco

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend. We were getting into the mood so I tried to eat the popcorn kind of sexually, causing me to choke on the popcorn and throw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 511

You deserved it 18 700

By slugitha - 16/03/2016 10:23 - United States

Today, I was awoken by a slug crawling down my back. FML

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You deserved it 1 857

Stickler

By Anonymous - 02/09/2014 15:49 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I finally got to watch some porn after not being able to for a while. All I could notice in the video was how badly the participants were playing snooker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 338

You deserved it 8 737

Freakout

By Pk45 - 11/11/2011 15:37 - United Kingdom

Today, my young son wanted to rent some movie with talking animals in it for us to watch together. I couldn't say no, but talking animal movies freak me out big time, I either start to cry or feel nauseous. Especially ones with dogs. What is wrong with me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 908

You deserved it 8 285

Dirty mind

By FUCK YOU - 08/08/2014 21:29 - United States

Today, I put on a porno, trying to unwind after a bad day. 10 minutes in, I was so pissed off with the girl constantly repeating "You like that? Yeah?" and the cameraman's obsession with the guy's asscrack that I started yelling at the screen. Now I'm more stressed than ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 511

You deserved it 15 205

By jrocks - 19/05/2009 17:06 - United States

Today, as I was watching a DVD, I noticed a spider crawling on my crotch area. So, I panicked and smashed the spider, smashing my nuts in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 881

You deserved it 70 625

Komatose 0

Friday 8 May 2009 23:28

Oh come on people. Snails are sexy as HELL! Especially since they're too slow to get away...

ilikerainbows 0

Friday 8 May 2009 23:28

i think i've seen that movie. i gotta admit, it was some pretty hot snail sex.

Comments

shroomis 0

Saturday 9 May 2009 17:06

rofl #9

annieannie 0

Saturday 9 May 2009 17:45

Oh my gosh, you are disgusting.

mndz_mkl 0

Saturday 9 May 2009 17:54

LOL

JASjckimz 0

Saturday 9 May 2009 17:57

snails are hermaphrodites O_O

awkwardass 0

Saturday 9 May 2009 18:07

Yum. I'd tap that.

Toas7 0

Saturday 9 May 2009 18:22

It coulda just been one of those "For no reason other than to make this awkward" boners.

jbentleybass 0

Saturday 9 May 2009 18:54

AAAAaaahahaha. Ha.

tehbebe 0

Saturday 9 May 2009 19:14

ROFL gg

mariahwasher 0

Saturday 9 May 2009 19:24

ahahahhaha. that is an fml

cselby 0

Saturday 9 May 2009 20:27

wow this is an epic fail. really, you should keep these type of things to yourselves. generally people dont respond well to ***********

Keywords

Cats Gross Animals Relatable Poopoo peepee Health Creepy Kids Scary Mental health Parents Cold weather Miscellaneous Embarrassing Dating Tinder Love Cute Work Transportation Cops Awkward Crush Sports Teachers Education AITA Weddings Public freakouts Mother in law

The Top

Today, my girlfriend introduced me to her family. She’s always called her dad “Daddy” when talking about him, which is fine, but when we went to their house she kissed him on the mouth as a greeting, and at one point was sat on his lap, almost falling asleep. She’s 25. This can't be a good sign. FML

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Today, I had a soccer game. A player from the other team hit me in the face. In the next half, she was the goalie and I was determined to score on her. When I finally got my chance to, everyone cheered, until I kicked the ball into the goal post and it bounced back and hit me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 866

You deserved it 8 903

Today, I went to a theater and saw "Bruno" with my mom. We saw "Borat" together, so I thought, 'Hey, how bad could it be?' I don't know what was more nauseating: Bruno's penis spinning around and talking or the fact that my mom thought it was hilarious and couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 863

You deserved it 25 743

Today, I got up early to go to the gym before work. As I was walking to my car, I slipped on a patch of what appeared to be a patch of wet moss and fell, spraining my ankle. Not only did I have to miss my workout, but I had to call in sick to work and spend the day at home, hobbling around with a swollen ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 622

You deserved it 125

Today, my family dragged me to a steakhouse, knowing full well I'm vegan. I sat there, with my sad little salad, watching as they stuffed themselves with burned animal flesh and laughed at me. They wonder why I hate them all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 674

You deserved it 1 567

Today, I delivered a pizza to a guy so high out of his mind that I had to let myself in and set it down on a table, because he'd forgotten how to walk, and was on the ground sobbing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 089

You deserved it 2 241

Today, I had to convince my dad that text lingo causes brain damage just to try to get him to stop. He actually believed me, and is telling everyone they have, or will receive brain damage soon. FML

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You deserved it 28 989