Animals: Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried...

By Anonymous - 21/10/2014 15:49 - United States - Bedford

Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 823

You deserved it 7 808

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Same thing different taste

By RomanceFail - 02/04/2015 12:51 - United States - Crestwood

Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 047

You deserved it 3 383

Love hurts

By wray16 - 26/02/2021 21:30 - United States

Today, while my girlfriend and I were making out, she went to fix the pillow behind her head and punched me straight in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 828

You deserved it 135

By Anonymous - 27/08/2014 23:04 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was woken up by my wife softly kissing me on the lips. Half asleep, I kissed her back, before quickly opening my eyes and realising it wasn't my wife; it was my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 585

You deserved it 7 519

Ouch!

By P0wned - 29/09/2009 21:21 - France

Today, in the middle of the night, I was punched in the face by my frightened girlfriend, who had just been awoken by her own fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 985

You deserved it 5 275

By Anonymous - 20/10/2015 09:44 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I leaned over my sleeping girlfriend, kissed her cheek and told her I love her. She punched me in the ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 829

You deserved it 3 657

Poor good girl

By mary07 - 15/07/2022 14:00

Today, I woke up, got out of bed, but I didn’t notice the dog right next to my bed and accidentally kicked her. All the treats, apologies, and attempted pets in the world won’t help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 836

You deserved it 214

By hero to zero - 04/07/2011 16:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's ex punched me so hard in the face, I couldn't see straight. But I got up anyway. I lunged at him, and nailed him in the jaw. Turns out I'd in fact just knocked out my girlfriend the on-looker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 136

You deserved it 15 190

By badmom101 - 16/05/2009 11:26 - Canada

Today, my 5 year old daughter thought it would be funny to wake me up by tickling my toes. I guess one of my reflexes acted out because I kicked her right in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 700

You deserved it 6 402

By joe - 31/01/2009 23:14 - United States

Today, my girlfriend snuck up behind me to cover my eyes and play "guess who." The second her hands touched my face, I grabbed her, twisted her wrists, and kneed her to the floor out of instinct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 718

You deserved it 26 849

By filipinoclari808 - 16/04/2009 06:47 - United States

Today, I was horsing around after my big test. Someone punched me softly on my back. Figuring it was my friend, I turned around and did a roundhouse kick. It was my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 797

You deserved it 81 441

GigaPudding_fml 24

Tuesday 21 October 2014 19:16

When you tickle someone you have to be prepared for the consequences...

HappyItalian 38

Tuesday 21 October 2014 19:16

Is your girlfriend that hairy?

Comments

AlbinoThunder_MD 10

Tuesday 21 October 2014 19:50

Your girlfriend is a Dog?

martin8337 35

Tuesday 21 October 2014 20:05

Foot fetish?

mattrd_fml 31

Tuesday 21 October 2014 20:08

Why was her face by your feet?

Eleora 19

Tuesday 21 October 2014 20:29

ouch. Lol

ofmiceandbrides 2

Tuesday 21 October 2014 20:29

The real question is, why was she messing with your foot?

worldclassrager 39

Tuesday 21 October 2014 20:29

I could make a really bad comment so I'll just leave well enough alone...

allie2590 31

Tuesday 21 October 2014 21:44

Then why comment at all?

deaths_bride 12

Tuesday 21 October 2014 20:54

So, your dog is your girlfriend? O.o

Geeve95 11

Tuesday 21 October 2014 21:00

Don't treat your girl friend like a dog.

mylifebitches666 18

Tuesday 21 October 2014 21:09

Your gf/dog needs to learn about boundaries

Goblin182 26

Tuesday 21 October 2014 21:22

Wait, what?!

Keywords

Awkward Sleep Miscellaneous Television Love Weddings Money Annoying Transportation Relatable Snow Kids Family Pregnancy Mental health Empathy Toxic Food Gamers Argument Cats Animals Valentine's Day Gross Health Homeowners Home improvement Babysitter Drugs Music

The Top

Today, my step-dad was talking about how he was raised in Las Vegas, telling stories about him and his buddies, until he stopped, looked right at my mom and said, "Find her, feed her, f*ck her, forget her. But I never forgot your mom, that's how I stole her from your dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 464

You deserved it 4 174

Today, I finally agreed to the threesome that my husband has been trying to persuade me to have. We arranged it with my hot best friend, thinking I would be more comfortable with her. I ended up lying naked beside them, watching them have fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 304

You deserved it 41 323

The Top

Today, my leadership class was trying to decide who would run the kissing booth in our local carnival. Someone suggested me, to which the director replied, "We'd never make any profit with her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 890

You deserved it 3 068

Today, at college, I found a lanyard with some keys and a YMCA member's card attached. Hoping to find contact details, I googled the name on the back of the card, just in time for him to return and see me looking through his Facebook profile like some kind of stalker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 421

You deserved it 12 421

Today, I picked up my friend's new kitten so enthusiastically I scared it and it shat all over me. I literally scared the shit out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 166

You deserved it 29 139

Today, after I moved into my new 1930's house, my elderly rescue dog raised her hackles and stared at the wall behind my bed for two full minutes. I thought she might have recognized something from her old job. She's a retired cadaver dog. I guess I'm never sleeping, again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 590

You deserved it 310

Today, a group project for work was due. I honestly forgot about it and edited some words to make it seem like I worked on it. Did you know that Google Docs spreadsheet can track not only the changes made, but who made the changes? My colleagues were pissed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 176

You deserved it 2 238

Today, my mother told me I'm going to get lung cancer. Because she smokes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 211

You deserved it 2 822

Same thing different taste

Love hurts

Ouch!

Poor good girl

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