Love: Today, I went on my first date in a long time. We went to see...

By toastedguy - 01/12/2009 05:00 - United States

Today, I went on my first date in a long time. We went to see "New Moon." After the girl stole my hat, I grabbed her phone. While trying to get it back, she held a lighter to me, threatening me. Next thing I know my beard is on fire, so not only did I have to sit through horrible acting, I got burnt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 661

You deserved it 13 160

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

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Same thing different taste

Weird movie choice

By Anonymous - 09/05/2021 00:01

Today, I had my first ever date. He invited me to dinner and a movie. Then he put on "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo." I couldn’t think of an excuse to get out, so I had to wait till the end of the film. FML

I agree, your life sucks 739

You deserved it 379

By harrysolo - 19/07/2009 01:26 - United States

Today, I was going on a first date with a girl I really like. We were going to see the new Harry Potter movie, and she told me she was getting all dressed up. It was only after I picked her up I realized she meant that she was dressing nicely. I was dressed as Harry Potter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 572

You deserved it 65 212

Protection

By Anonymous - 03/07/2020 08:01

Today, I went on my first date in a year or so. It was going great, but after we left the restaurant, we went back to her place, where I was quickly chased out of the house by her two daughters, and her grandfather with a shotgun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 600

You deserved it 152

By Anonymous - 04/08/2019 22:00

Today, my girlfriend threw boiling water at me to get me off my phone. It worked, but now I'm burned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 974

You deserved it 288

By Alec - 10/12/2012 07:01 - United States

Today, I went on a date with a great girl; we went out to dinner and saw a movie. After the movie, we went out to my car to find out that a homeless man had broken the window, climbed into it, and was eating the leftover pasta with his fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 795

You deserved it 1 920

By fredfredburger - 25/06/2014 17:45 - United States - Imperial

Today, I went on a date with the girl I like, to see The Fault In Our Stars. She didn't cry, but I did. Twice, hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 412

You deserved it 13 812

Hey… you

By HOLY SHIT, A WALKING SNOWGLOBE - 09/12/2012 21:52 - United Kingdom - Dagenham

Today, I went on a blind date. My date turned out to be very hot, and I had high hopes. That is, until she ran her hand through her hair as she approached, sending some kind of horrifying, miasmic mist of dandruff and dead skin floating through the air behind her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 186

You deserved it 8 137

Date night

By avaiia - 09/08/2016 20:32 - United States - Chicago

Today, I had a first date. We really hit it off and wound up watching movies together and talking late into the night. I ignored a developing migraine all night, then tried to leave hurriedly when it got bad. He stalled me leaving by asking what's wrong. I started vomiting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 776

You deserved it 1 607

By StayPositive - 03/11/2010 00:57 - United States

Today, I went to kiss my girlfriend on the neck while she was cooking on the stove. Apparently I scared her and now I have a nice burn mark on my head from the hot frying pan she hit me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 477

You deserved it 9 613

Romantic move

By soomeone - 16/02/2010 19:28 - United States

Today, I went to the movies with my girlfriend. As I started putting my arm around her, I hit her in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 682

You deserved it 25 655

Rellich 0

Tuesday 1 December 2009 12:33

I want to say, "YDI," but no one deserves a psycho bitch like that...

smiller0789 3

Tuesday 1 December 2009 12:31

******...up

Comments

phatdaddy 0

Tuesday 1 December 2009 15:52

What do you expect from someone who wanted to go to see "New Moon?" YDI for having shitty taste in women AND movies.

kibotoyuki 7

Friday 8 July 2011 23:14

^This. Thank you for taking the words right out of my mouth.

kibotoyuki 7

Friday 8 July 2011 23:17

^This. Thank you for taking the words right out of my mouth.

jazzmancarron 11

Tuesday 1 December 2009 16:06

shoulda lit the bitch on fire

Brave_Sir_Robin 4

Tuesday 1 December 2009 16:14

A good way to start the month of Decembeard... oh wait...

Boudewijn 0

Tuesday 1 December 2009 16:28

Pic or it didn't happen'! ^_^ lawl

Jimboom 11

Tuesday 1 December 2009 16:36

At that point you should have smashed her phone on the ground and walked away.

giiiiinge 0

Tuesday 1 December 2009 16:53

are you santa? :)

turdburgers 0

Tuesday 1 December 2009 18:17

I do hope you sue her for any medical bills. Bitch.

Rb23 0

Tuesday 1 December 2009 18:37

Why didn't you just blow the lighter out?

ithatguy 0

Wednesday 2 December 2009 2:05

because i didn't think she'd get that close

NrthrnLghts 0

Tuesday 1 December 2009 18:45

YDI for succumbing to Stphanie Meyer, the hagfish of the literary realm.

HJB 0

Tuesday 1 December 2009 18:50

Sounds like you guys are 12 years old... how do you have a long enough beard to burn??? I call shenanigans...

Kylias 6

Tuesday 1 December 2009 22:35

By... growing it out, I'd imagine... The same way as a short beard. Simpler still, beards don't have to be particularly long to burn. Hair is hair is flammable, and just happens that chins are within lighterin' range. OP, I think your date completely misunderstood "Kill it with fire".