Love: Today, I went out to lunch with a couple of work buddies. Trying...

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By Slayer - 09/10/2011 23:28 - Canada

Today, I went out to lunch with a couple of work buddies. Trying to be suave, I started hitting on our waitress. Not two seconds after saying, "Hey baby," I felt ice water on my balls. The guy next to me had spilled both our water glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 582

You deserved it 35 732

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Same thing different taste

Hi-de-hi

By Droolgirl - 26/05/2009 01:25 - United States

Today, I was at a fancy restaurant. I was drinking some water when I noticed a hot guy eating alone at another table waving at me. I smiled back, but had forgotten to swallow the water so it dribbled out of my mouth all over my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 258

You deserved it 46 586

Business casual

By Anonymous - 08/04/2013 08:30

Today, I had a lunch meeting with important people from my company. While drinking from my wine glass someone cracked a joke, causing me to snort a fountain of wine all over my lap, splashing the people next to me. The horrified look on my boss's face sitting opposite me said everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 265

You deserved it 5 594

By Anonymous - 01/12/2012 00:31 - United States - Rocklin

Today, I was out clubbing, when I saw a pair of very cute girls sitting at the bar, so I went over, hoping to introduce myself. I swung my leg over the stool, and through no fault of my own, sat on my own balls. I quickly got thrown out for "harassing the ladies." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 190

You deserved it 21 654

Cursed

By Freddie - 25/03/2025 15:00 - United States - Chattanooga

Today, I went on my first date in months. It was going well until the waiter brought our drinks. I went to take a sip of my cocktail, but I misjudged the size of the glass and the stupid paper straw, and spilled it all over myself. The waiter said, “Well, at least it’s not a first date curse,” and I replied, “Oh, it definitely is.” It was, because I doubt I'll be seeing her again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 297

You deserved it 130

Klutz

By Sara - 27/05/2024 09:00 - United Kingdom - Blackpool

Today, I went on a date with someone I really like. Midway through dinner, I felt something stuck in my teeth and, trying to be discreet, attempted to remove it. In the process, I flicked a piece of food across the table and it landed in his drink. He looked at it, then at me, then sighed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 424

You deserved it 155

Maturity level

By Clairebear - 07/05/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, I went on a date with someone I'd met online. Everything was going surprisingly well, until I knocked over my drink, spilling it all over my date's lap. In a panic, I blurted out, "Dude, did you piss yourself?" Needless to say, there will be no second date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 804

By Samipearl - 12/11/2010 14:06 - United States

Today, while at a restaurant with my boyfriend, a piece of ice got stuck in my throat. I couldn't get his attention until after it melted because he was busy checking in on foursquare. When he finally noticed my freaking out and I told him what had happened, he laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 501

You deserved it 6 410

By Anonymous - 26/11/2009 03:28 - United States

Today, I was feeling confident enough to approach a guy by asking the bartender if I could buy him a refill of whatever he was drinking. He was drinking water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 900

You deserved it 5 759

By Anonymous - 06/06/2009 02:22 - United States

Today, I was on a double date at a restaurant with two friends of mine and a guy I really liked. Things started getting really quiet so I decided to start talking to make things a little bit less awkward even though I was eating. I ended up spitting a piece of chicken across the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 247

You deserved it 45 089

Surprise!

By Anonymous - 21/01/2010 05:30 - United States

Today, I was drinking from a water fountain. I bent over to sip the water and felt a HUGE slap on my ass. Completely confused, I turn around to see some guy with a horrified look on his face. Apparently he thought I was his girlfriend. Then I saw his girlfriend standing behind him, giving me the evil eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 749

You deserved it 2 834

chosha_fml 26

Monday 10 October 2011 3:09

YDI for thinking 'hey baby' is suave.

glutgyoogle 6

Monday 10 October 2011 3:03

Well at least you were nice and CHILL

Comments

twofirstnames 12

Monday 10 October 2011 3:05

That's hilarious, but sure sucks

mserrato 8

Monday 10 October 2011 3:08

You should have just ignored it

chosha_fml 26

Monday 10 October 2011 3:09

YDI for thinking 'hey baby' is suave.

spikey27 0

Monday 10 October 2011 5:29

...... You're a dumbass.

kateheartswaffle 0

Monday 10 October 2011 5:38

I totally agree. I always feel disrespected when a guy I'm not even close to tries to use pet names with me!

fmlallthetyme 23

Monday 10 October 2011 8:08

He could have been trying to sing Hey Baby. Heeyyyyy, hey baby. I wanna knowwww, if you'll be my girl.

mbusey 20

Tuesday 23 July 2013 18:45

That's not flirting. That's just creepy.

Runninvegan 8

Monday 10 October 2011 3:09

* Insert joke about being wet *

threer 30

Tuesday 15 October 2013 14:44

*Inserts thumbs down*

InnerCosmo 5

Monday 10 October 2011 3:13

Nice! lol

krustacea 1

Monday 10 October 2011 3:14

KARMA

daysleeper666 1

Monday 10 October 2011 3:58

How does he deserve it for trying to get a girl?

abz_1995 6

Monday 10 October 2011 3:15

the moment i read ''Trying to be suave, I started hitting on our waitress.'' i pressed YDI

Buttsexpirate 9

Monday 10 October 2011 3:15

Hey baby, you're so cool you make my balls shrink.

jroxursox1 10

Sunday 8 January 2012 20:37

This made my day.

alival 12

Monday 10 October 2011 3:15

Haha!!! Lol! Suks 4 u!

chels1994 11

Monday 10 October 2011 3:16

sorry but you deserved that

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Party Scams Awkward Money Capitalism Health Relatable Periods Gross Poopoo peepee Relationship advice Love Embarrassing Keys Transportation Sports Cars Miscellaneous Alcohol Parenting Ironic Work Animals Scary Cats Cute Death Suspicious AITA Family

The Top

Today, my girlfriend keeps asking me to get her name tattooed on my chest. At first I thought she wanted a romantic gesture, but now she asks me to do it so often, it’s starting to feel more like she wants to cattle brand me as my owner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 405

You deserved it 163

Today, I was offered my dream job. When I gave my current employer my 2+ weeks notice so they'd have time to find a replacement, I was told to pack up and leave immediately. Now I'm out a month's pay because I gave notice instead of just leaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 081

You deserved it 438

The Top

Today, my sister told me about her upcoming trip to Mexico. I asked her how she was going to do anything without knowing any Spanish. She told me she's "just going to read their lips". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 372

You deserved it 2 808

Today, I really had to go to the bathroom. Due to my fear of public restrooms, I made sure it was clear before I started. I heard someone sigh halfway through. Embarrassed, I waited a full ten minutes before leaving the stall, only to see that it was only the automatic air freshener. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 966

You deserved it 35 794

Today, I was walking home, when I realized I didn't have my phone on me. After retracing my steps, I realized that I'd been listening to music from my phone the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 640

You deserved it 30 759

Today, I came home to my mentally unhinged roommate jacking off to a frozen TV frame of Peggy Hill from King of the Hill. When he saw me, he threw an ash tray at me and told me to get out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 868

You deserved it 2 205

Today, after I explained to my waitress that I have an allergy to butter, she nonetheless put some on my baked potato. When I had her get me another, without butter, she came back with one and then asked if I would like butter with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 865

You deserved it 3 554

Today, I was checking my phone while using the toilet. In a distressing moment of my brain mixing up the signals to my hands, I dropped my phone into the bowl and pressed my thumb into the shitty paper to turn it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 627

You deserved it 3 729

Same thing different taste

Hi-de-hi

Business casual

Cursed

Klutz

Maturity level

Surprise!

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