Intimacy: Today, I woke up from a nap to hear my roommate having some intimate...

By Anonymous - 10/07/2009 21:59 - Iraq

Today, I woke up from a nap to hear my roommate having some intimate time with his hand. The slopping and slurping sounds along with the girly man squeal as he finished haunted me all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 879

You deserved it 4 282

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Same thing different taste

By idontwanttoknow - 16/06/2013 11:37 - United States

Today, I heard my roommate moaning my name in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 113

You deserved it 6 914

By anon - 15/09/2012 05:35 - United States - Rocklin

Today, I woke up to the sound of my neighbor pleasuring himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 427

You deserved it 2 727

By Anonymous - 07/11/2009 16:24 - United States

Today, I wanted to sleep in after a rough week, only to be woken up by my roommate's sex screams and the pounding of her bed against the wall. Earplugs did not help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 844

You deserved it 2 433

Frustrated

By skipper - 12/02/2009 17:25 - United States

Today, I listened to my roommate having sex from 3 a.m. until 6 a.m. When I looked over at my girlfriend, who must have thought I was sleeping, I noticed she was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 810

You deserved it 12 089

Zzzzzzzz

By turnedintoinsomniac - 21/01/2011 19:46 - United States

Today, after months of living with my roommate's horrific snoring, I looked over to see her sleeping quietly. Elated that I might actually get a full night of rest for once, I went to bed. Just as my eyelids began to droop, she started making vile hissing sounds. Yes, hissing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 507

You deserved it 2 864

By D: - 06/10/2013 17:13 - France - Paris

Today, I woke up to my creepy new roommate licking my cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 407

You deserved it 3 898

MY EARS! MY EARS!

By ashbeat - 01/01/2013 15:20 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I can hear my flatmate masturbating loudly and asking himself if he likes it. And replying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 630

You deserved it 4 400

By lunarboy - 17/02/2009 00:24 - United States

Today, I decided to watch some porn before bed. The lights were off and my roommate was already asleep behind me. I put on my noise-canceling headphones and turned up the volume all the way. After a few strokes my roommate got up and plugged in the headphones for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 702

You deserved it 68 943

Lock your doors

By Anonymous - 27/05/2019 00:14

Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 449

You deserved it 759

By Dirty_Mind_69 - 20/07/2013 08:35 - United States - Shreveport

Today, I came home from work to my hot roommate cooking and wearing nothing but an apron. She pulled me into her room and things went great. At least, they did before I woke up in the break room with my coworkers and boss all gathered around, listening to me talking in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 216

You deserved it 9 934

papertigers_fml 0

Saturday 11 July 2009 1:30

girly man squeal, lol.

excusemydust 0

Saturday 11 July 2009 1:44

I think the words 'slopping' and 'slurping', as well as the phrase 'girly man squeal' are vivid enough alone to haunt me.

Comments

hk_fml 9

Saturday 11 July 2009 1:50

LOL. The way this was worded made it completely vivid and ten times more gross. xD FYL, definitely.

skittleface 0

Saturday 11 July 2009 1:50

i love how he said it 'Haunted' him. ahahahaha.

redbluegreen 40

Saturday 11 July 2009 1:50

It's just you and your hand tonight... Don't worry. I'm disturbed just reading about it.

maria12_fml 0

Saturday 11 July 2009 1:51

Wooow, what a creep. It wouldve been funny if you walked in on him and told him to get a room, then gave him some condoms and toldl him to get a girlfriend. XD

shewasalmost18 0

Saturday 11 July 2009 1:53

Dude, lmao..."IT'S EXPLODING....HAZZAAAAA!! YOU'VE DONE WELL YOUNG PADAWON!"

Tiermes87 0

Saturday 11 July 2009 1:53

holy hell. this has happened to me my second year of university. i woke up one morning to hearing my roommate doing the five knuckle shuffle and couldn't stand to be in my room the rest of the day. after confronting him about it, he told me he didn't care who was in the room. i had to spend a year with him as a roommate and catch him doing the shuffle when i'd have friends in our room even. FYL mate. been there.

guttural 0

Sunday 12 July 2009 3:54

Lmfao, "five knuckle shuffle"

demoreice 0

Wednesday 3 August 2011 18:16

sucks U_U

Natashakiable18 0

Saturday 11 July 2009 2:09

you didn't have to describe it in details lol

Magneon 7

Saturday 11 July 2009 2:12

oh but i did, it was utterly horrifying all i could do is lay there stunned hoping it was a bad dream, only to realize after the girly squeal it wasnt......FML

chocoLIFE_fml 2

Saturday 11 July 2009 2:09

haha funny :)

ithedarkknight 0

Saturday 11 July 2009 2:14

dude you live in iraq im guessing maybe your a soldier i could be wrong... tough times bro i think its great he is jerkin it sometimes you just need to let one loose bro lol not good to keep it all bottled up... for you on the other hand i know the more you try not to think about it the more you think about it... i would just call him out on it like make a joke about that you heard therefore you would get it off your chest that you know he was jerkin and maybe that way you will get some peace of mind...