Animals: Today, I woke up to the feeling of someone tickling my back....

By GnarCarBar - 12/09/2011 23:03 - United States

Today, I woke up to the feeling of someone tickling my back. I quickly realized I haven't been touched in so long that I was smiling to flies landing on me in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 784

You deserved it 4 660

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Same thing different taste

By thatsnotacat - 21/11/2013 17:52 - Australia - West End

Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 520

You deserved it 3 357

Freaked out

By The Buzzing - 28/07/2022 07:00 - United States

Today, after going on a fly-killing spree all around my house, I had the most ridiculous nightmare where I was terrorized by a fly that looked like it was having a seizure whenever it was flying. When it landed on my arm, I woke up and felt a strange sensation on my arm. Great, I didn't want to sleep anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 659

You deserved it 159

By Allie cat - 02/12/2016 13:43

Today, while in deep sleep, I was suddenly awoken by a tickle on my face and nearly threw my cat off the bed. Apparently, 4 a.m. Is the perfect time to touch noses with your human. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 480

You deserved it 1 580

By sneaky1324 - 18/08/2012 07:49 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I woke up by inhaling a fly up my nose, and feeling it twitching and slowly dying inside my nasal cavity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 940

You deserved it 2 207

Sleep well?

By Karen - 29/08/2022 16:00

Today, there was a wasp tangled in my bed sheets. I found this out when I rolled over it in my sleep, and it stung me on the lower back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 74

By santasadiekins - 17/08/2011 17:25 - United States

Today, I was camping out under the stars on my trampoline. I was just about asleep when I felt a tickle on my arm. Figuring it was an ant, I brushed it off. The rest of the red ants crawling up my arm didn't like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 706

You deserved it 4 864

By slugitha - 16/03/2016 10:23 - United States

Today, I was awoken by a slug crawling down my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 430

You deserved it 1 856

PANIC

By Anonymous - 29/12/2009 05:11 - United States

Today, I woke up from a nap and thought I felt somebody's arm in my bed. I frantically start hitting it and start screaming. I soon realized it was my own arm. I'd fallen asleep on it, and it was completely numb, I couldn't feel a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 405

You deserved it 11 943

By Big Baby - 28/01/2017 00:00

Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 453

You deserved it 808

Panic!

By sweetdreams - 18/09/2016 06:39 - United States - New York

Today, I woke up suddenly with giant bugs biting my legs. I screamed, ripped the blanket off the bed and bolted to the bathroom to recover. Turns out it was all a dream, and the person who needed to recover most was my shell-shocked boyfriend who had been sleeping soundly beside me. Sorry, babe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 777

You deserved it 1 408

CherryBomb511 3

Tuesday 13 September 2011 9:04

Shower son.

theunwiseone 4

Tuesday 13 September 2011 9:11

Catch them and tie a little rope around their legs and u can eventually train them to love u, maybe.

Comments

dadof2 4

Tuesday 13 September 2011 10:37

umm first thing close your windows or get screens one fly mabe flies dirty and shower man try to help your own cause

yadudej 0

Tuesday 13 September 2011 10:50

that's just plan...depressing. hah fyl or ydi if you're a psycho.

WitchyArmyWife00 0

Tuesday 13 September 2011 12:22

At least the flies gave you some love.

krysxkatastrophe 14

Tuesday 13 September 2011 13:19

Buy a cat........or twenty.

CiaranPM 0

Tuesday 13 September 2011 14:39

Taking a shower just might help.

creedaddict 9

Tuesday 13 September 2011 15:29

Dude take a shower

holycraplions 4

Tuesday 13 September 2011 15:31

Yeah, sounds like a shower and a fly strip are in order...

MissRoxiie 12

Tuesday 13 September 2011 16:17

You need a relationship, thats sad.

Thehastilareturn 0

Tuesday 13 September 2011 16:36

Woo hoo!!

zombiekitten87 12

Tuesday 13 September 2011 17:24

That is creepy in many, MANY ways

Keywords

Cute Love Surprise Texting My ex Awkward Wanker Intimacy Sex Sleep Health Insomnia Mental health Cooking Food Kids Weekend Parents Miscellaneous Annoying Pranks Embarrassing Work Technology Coworkers Zoom Roommate Argument Cats Animals

The Top

Today, I woke up to find my girlfriend not sleeping next to me. I go to my car and found a plethora of printed screenshots of me commenting things like, “So hot babe”, “Beautiful! I’d tap that” and other compliments on my female friends’ pictures on Facebook. My girlfriend’s not picking up her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 198

You deserved it 4 974

Today, I was looking at myself in the mirror and tried to touch my face. Unfortunately I have Tourette's, so my hand just uncontrollably slammed into my cheek, consequently jamming one of my fingernails into it. It started bleeding like crazy. My fingernails aren't exactly long, either… that's how hard it hit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 286

You deserved it 51

The Top

Today, my girlfriend told me she has decided to become a stay-at-home mom for our dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 271

You deserved it 2 887

Today, my once-alcoholic mom told me that she would sell me for a shot of vodka. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 875

You deserved it 2 997

Today, after months of patiently trying to help my girlfriend deal with her anger issues, she dumped me in a blind rage for sneezing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 371

You deserved it 1 797

Today, I asked a customer three times before he saw the doctor if he had any medical insurance and he replied "No" each time. Paying his bill out of pocket, this dude had the nerve to ask, "So why didn't my medical insurance cover this?" He had coverage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 967

You deserved it 156

Today, my girlfriend called me and told me "she has a surprise for me when I got home" in a sexy voice. So, I hurried home only to find a note saying she left me and took my dog. Deeply depressed, I went into the living room. She took my TV also. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 147

You deserved it 3 443

Today, I finally decided to get back at my roommates for eating all my food. First thing that kept disappearing was my water, so I decided to add lots of laxatives to my water this way the first person to go to the bathroom nonstop was the culprit. I forgot I had done that when I drank some myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 656

You deserved it 45 701