Miscellaneous: Today, in the spirit of Christmas, I let a spider live in my...

By Anonymous - 28/12/2011 17:03 - United Kingdom

Today, in the spirit of Christmas, I let a spider live in my room. I normally kill them, because I'm scared of waking up with one on my face. I woke up with it on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 850

You deserved it 23 599

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Same thing different taste

By dre_bro11 - 06/11/2011 12:17 - Australia

Today, I found the same spider which I had let live yesterday hidden in my bath towel. I didn't find it until it was smeared on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 063

You deserved it 12 473

By Shrieking_Shack_Maiden - 07/09/2018 23:30

Today, I got to experience the unadulterated horror of waking up to a spider crawling across my face. My screaming woke the neighbors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 665

You deserved it 261

Juicy breakfast

By Anonymous - 07/01/2022 01:01 - Canada - Warman

Today, I woke up to a spider crawling across my face. I was so shocked that my new house had spiders, I jumped up out of bed, only to slip on the floor and land face down onto the bed. Wouldn't you know it, right where the spider was at that point. I can still taste the juice I squished out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 049

You deserved it 160

Leave spiders to chill

By Anonymous - 17/12/2020 14:07

Today, I saw a spider in my room. I got a piece of paper to try and put it outside. As I reached, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to smack where the spider was - my face. I fell on the floor disoriented. The spider got away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 323

Adapt, improvise, overcome

By Arthur B. - 24/09/2019 12:01

Today, I saw a spider in my kitchen. Freaked, but trying to be humane, I held out a piece of paper so it would climb on, and I would then put it outside. However, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to whack at where the spider was - my face. I stumbled around, disoriented; the spider got away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 352

You deserved it 462

By jillydark6609 - 19/09/2010 06:21 - United States

Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 287

You deserved it 14 263

Freak out

By Anonymous - 03/09/2020 19:07 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, some jackass spider decided to lay eggs behind my wall. No matter how many I kill, I always wake up to multiple baby spiders on my ceiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 395

You deserved it 126

By eyes wide SHIT - 28/12/2013 01:37 - Australia

Today, I spotted a huge spider in my bedroom. I freaked out at first, but I managed to confront my arachnophobia and killed it with a book. I was ecstatic and went to tell my boyfriend. By the time I returned to my room, the "dead" spider had vanished. Now I'm too scared to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 024

You deserved it 5 960

By igotpride - 09/12/2013 21:01 - United States

Today, I woke up and coughed up the spider I thought I'd killed last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 821

You deserved it 5 381

By somuchforthat - 19/02/2010 07:38 - Australia

Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 703

You deserved it 2 518

puppypuncher 5

Wednesday 28 December 2011 22:22

He was just coming back to thank you for saving him. Now give spider bro a hug.

Glitterhinoceros 14

Wednesday 28 December 2011 22:23

Why wouldn't you just put it outside and not kill it, you didn't HAVE to let it live in your room.

Comments

hoonyer 17

Wednesday 28 December 2011 23:36

It was just trying to say thank you !!! :D

freckleface221 19

Wednesday 28 December 2011 23:39

It was giving you a hug! :D

KiddNYC1O 20

Wednesday 28 December 2011 23:41

The tiny ones with the long-ass legs are harmless.

missathegirlwond 19

Thursday 29 December 2011 1:41

Actually, they're highly venomous. Their mouths just can't open wide enough to bite humans. Trippy, eh?

KiddNYC1O 20

Thursday 29 December 2011 4:04

After all, rendering them harmless to humans.

xSorry_fml 10

Wednesday 28 December 2011 23:45

Better than your friends nuts on your face.

epic_fail45 0

Wednesday 28 December 2011 23:45

Aww that was nice of you! But I bet u won't do that again...

littledragon 3

Wednesday 28 December 2011 23:46

I have the same fear! But that hasn't happened to me... so far...

zander4310 5

Wednesday 28 December 2011 23:47

LOLOL

L_Lovegood 19

Wednesday 28 December 2011 23:50

Did it bring you a fresh cup of morning tea, too? Do not suffer a spider to live - at least not in your house.

farahg3 0

Wednesday 28 December 2011 23:55

Ur stupid

Kinney97 6

Thursday 29 December 2011 0:03

did he bite you? maybe you will turn into spiderman

PeeblesWiggins 0

Thursday 29 December 2011 5:41

No. The spider promptly wove a web that said, "Some human."

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The Top

Today, as I was driving my dad home, I got a text message. My dad, who doesn't want me texting while I'm driving, decided to read the text message to me. He began to repeat a message from my boyfriend recounting the amazing sex we had the night before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 141

You deserved it 20 997

Today, I accidentally fell asleep at work after working a 12-hour shift. Instead of waking me up, my coworkers spiked my coffee mug with whiskey and told my boss I was drunk. My boss wouldn't even listen to my side of the story and fired me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 707

You deserved it 2 991

The Top

Today, it’s my 21st birthday. The people I invited over spent most of the time talking about their LARP group, which I am not a part of, and so could not participate, talked over what I wanted to watch, and then it ended with an intervention by them for me because they were upset that I was upset. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 045

You deserved it 272

Today, unlike what you may have joked about with your friends, I actually did meet people who told me to "take a hit or we'll beat the shit out of you." I got picked up by my mom 20 minutes later like planned. When my mom noticed I was high, she grounded me for the "rest of high school." FML

I agree, your life sucks 155

You deserved it 396

Today, days after I broke up with my girlfriend, my dad tried to make her feel better by inviting her to our family BBQ next weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 733

You deserved it 5 522

Today, I went para sailing for the first time ever. My friends thought it would be funny to pull down my trunks right before my feet left the boat. I dangled there in the air for the whole resort to see. And I lost my shorts in the ocean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 829

You deserved it 3 470

Today, my boyfriend asked me to untag him in our vacation photos together. Last month, he hid his relationship status and hid every trace of me. He says it’s because he doesn’t want any "social media drama" and people knowing about his "personal life." We’ve been together for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 261

You deserved it 325

Today, while laying on the couch my cat came and laid on me. Turns out my ass is big enough for my 13 year old cat to walk around in circles, wash itself, stretch and sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 465

You deserved it 9 499