Love: Today, my boyfriend admitted that the only reason he remembers...

By poopcoloredeyes - 31/10/2011 20:06 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend admitted that the only reason he remembers my eye color is because it's the same shade of his shit after he's had a salad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 209

You deserved it 3 692

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Same thing different taste

Woof

By Anonymous - 03/04/2009 14:37 - United States

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend and he brushed my hair out of my eyes. Then he smiled and said, "Your eyes are two different colors right now. One's blue, one's green…" I was so happy he still noticed the little things. Then he finished his sentence with, "…ya know, like a dog." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 997

You deserved it 5 864

By shitty situation - 28/01/2013 23:02 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my boyfriend came over for a family brunch, during which he told my mother, in vivid detail, how he gets the shits whenever he eats kale chips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 000

You deserved it 2 994

By Anonymous - 09/12/2013 22:41 - United States - Lihue

Today, my boyfriend told me I'm beautiful. Before I could thank him, he continued, "Too bad it takes a shit-load of makeup." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 785

You deserved it 7 722

Thanks

By lucy_g - 02/11/2013 05:06 - United States

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend, feeling pretty low. I said something along the lines of, "You like me even when I look like shit." He replied, "Ah, that's just how you naturally look." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 149

You deserved it 7 307

By pubemilkshake - 08/12/2014 02:12 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, my boyfriend made me a milkshake. It was pale yellow with some black spots. He told me it was banana and poppy seed. After drinking it, he told me they weren't poppy seeds. They were his pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 843

You deserved it 4 917

Not a biology major

By Anonymous - 27/10/2019 04:00

Today, I found out my boyfriend ate glitter. When I asked him why he would do such an insane thing, he replied, "I wanted my jizz to sparkle." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 678

You deserved it 281

By Anonymous - 22/05/2019 22:00

Today, my boyfriend admitted to me that the picture of "him as a baby" is really his son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 197

You deserved it 171

Well Played

By redhead - 06/07/2017 22:30 - United States - Lima

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of two years is dating another girl. Not only do she and I share the same hair and eye color, but we also happen to have the same first name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 416

You deserved it 429

By Noname - 16/01/2009 20:43 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me I smell like vegetables. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 640

You deserved it 6 665

Smooth talker

By Kate - 07/03/2009 18:36 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were out to eat. The waiter came and asked what we wanted. My boyfriend said he wanted a cheeseburger and I told the waiter I'd have the same. My boyfriend looked at me and said, "Are you sure you don't want a salad?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 764

You deserved it 8 263

SexyHindu 2

Monday 31 October 2011 21:57

What the hell does he put in his salad?

ShakeMeDown 12

Monday 31 October 2011 22:00

Eyes.

Comments

Cashtangoteam 10

Monday 31 October 2011 21:59

He sure knows how to make a girl feel special

hilary56 0

Monday 31 October 2011 23:06

Or crappy.

trollsemen 8

Monday 31 October 2011 22:00

Must be a beautiful shade...

cheefer 0

Tuesday 1 November 2011 2:19

(I'm naked in my moms room!)

dre_bro11 12

Tuesday 1 November 2011 12:54

(Hopefully not at the same time as your mum!)

pookie18_fml 9

Monday 31 October 2011 22:01

Nice that he memorizes what color his shit is after certain meals...

ThatLooksSticky 16

Monday 31 October 2011 22:52

He probably took a picture with his phone.

pookie18_fml 9

Monday 31 October 2011 23:38

And labels all of the pictures with exactly what he ate beforehand

Hannahguurl 4

Monday 31 October 2011 22:01

Now you know how your bfs shit looks like after a salad. ew. o.O

oA_Fiasco 8

Monday 31 October 2011 22:02

you dumb idiot! lol just kidding, you deserved it!

trollsemen 8

Monday 31 October 2011 22:07

You dumb idiot! Lol just kidding, you're just retarded.

jworret 0

Tuesday 1 November 2011 1:33

lol, is that like supposed to be funny???

eltunas 5

Monday 31 October 2011 22:03

What kind of eye color do you have?

Savra_fml 17

Monday 31 October 2011 22:46

Apparently they are "shat out salad" colour. Did you not read the FML?

SlickWillyTFCF 5

Monday 31 October 2011 22:03

At least he actually remembers.

bigantennaemay 3

Wednesday 2 November 2011 7:51

yeah, but he remembers with his a**.

ReesesPuffs 0

Monday 31 October 2011 22:04

If your eyes are brown, it's all good.

megan_lovee 0

Monday 31 October 2011 22:06

yummmmmm

Feklfekl2222 32

Monday 31 October 2011 22:06

I really want you to have blue eyes

lemon_phat 11

Monday 31 October 2011 23:35

Get those contacts, that have color or whatever.

stacianichole 2

Tuesday 1 November 2011 0:08

..."or whatever."

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The Top

Today, I took my friend to the E.R. for an eye infection. While waiting, I proclaimed, "Why, Jesus?!" jokingly. Well, the gigantic biker sitting next to me, who had found religion in prison and is a born again Christian, was not pleased. He spent the next four hours trying to convert me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 568

You deserved it 19 251

Today, it's the first day of my two-week stay at my in-laws' house. They forbid drinking, smoking, cursing, and anything even remotely sexual. I smuggled in my quietest toy to keep me sane in this holy house. If only I hadn't forgotten to bring the battery pack too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 966

You deserved it 29 847

The Top

Today, I was chatting to a co-worker, upon whom I have a serious crush. It was going really well, until he said "irregardless", as if it's actually a proper word. This grammatical abomination really ticks me off, and I actually had to fight back the urge to beat some damn sense into him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 308

You deserved it 34 824

Today, I got into a car accident and totaled my car. Also today, someone bought themselves $600 worth of office furniture online with my bank info. My bank doesn’t believe me so they won’t help me get the money back. I'm broke and carless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 265

You deserved it 232

Today, I accidentally decoded the system my parents use for talking about sex while I'm around. It's a substitution cipher, using literary references. As they're both literature professors, this has me perpetually grossed-out and wondering, "Are they really talking about Anne Frank, or anal fisting?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 061

You deserved it 2 550

Today, I was working on a painting and went to take a sip of my tea. Instead, I took a swig of paint water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 613

You deserved it 242

Today, I was teaching my two year old daughter how to take a person's temperature. While I was sitting down, she came up behind me and shoved the thermometer in my ear hard. Now I can't hear out of my right ear, and I'm in excruciating pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 144

You deserved it 13 632

Today, I was cashiering at a grocery store when an elderly woman came through my line buying prune juice. She then whispered to me that last time she bought it, she "blew up her toilet". FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 588

You deserved it 2 879